[gaman]

I know I made a mistake he was angry because he says I do not have time for him, I do not act like we are in a relationship, I know he has every right to be angry but not the right to hit me. If I forgive him he will do it again, nobody has ever laid hands on me even my parents, he is the first 1 to do it. I love him we have a baby together he has proposed he wants to mary me. Now I am afraid if he is starting to hit me, how will our marriage be. Please advise, do I forgive him or break up with him as much as I love him I cannot marry Mike Tyson.

[CageWalk]

This is a very serious question and without knowing more, it would be irresponsible for me to attempt to answer you definitively.

However, violence in a relationship should not be tolerated/executed by either partner. Especially if children are involved.

Does your boyfriend have a tendency towards this? How long have you known him for?

I suggest seeking help from rational people that you already trust, as opposed to the internet. Are you able to speak to your parents about this?

[1800proof]

Once it starts, it is so hard for them to stop. I was in an abusive relationship, and it started with her slapping me across the face when we were just dating. After marriage, it got worse, escalating to scratching, biting, punching, and kicking. We have 2 children together and are now going through divorce. I wish I had done it sooner because no one deserves to be put through that. It is humiliating, demeaning, and it affected so many other aspects of my life. I hope that you can find the strength to walk away before it gets worse. No one has the right to physically hurt you.

[positiveparent]

I too was in an abusive relationship, I also work counselling women who have just left abusive relationships.

My first reaction would be to tell you, don't even consider forgiving him, however, you know him better than I do, and you would also know if this is a one off or is it going to go on too much worse treatment, has he a nasty temper does he shout at you often, argue with you a lot, does he get worse if he's had an alcoholic drink, does he tell you who you can talk to or hang around with, does he call you nasty unkind names, tell you you're no good, keep you short of money, ignore you, sulk, tell you to do this or do that, accuse you of having or wanting to sleep with other males.
If any of the above are true for you then please get away and stay away.

The 2 links here will lead to information about the signs of abuse that you can look for, read them and then please post here again. As soon as you've posted again I will be able to give you better advice, so please do .

Relationship-Help: SignsOfAbuse

Relationship-Help: Control-Freak

[Mom of 2]

Ohhhhh boy. My first thought is to get as far away from him as possible. I was in an emotional and verbally abusive marriage, which is as bad as a physically abusive one (sometimes I think it is worse because there are no physical signs that people can see and other people often say that the victim is not telling the truth), so I know exactly what you are feeling and why there is so much confusion about whether you should forgive him or not. If it is truly an abusive thing and not a one time error in judgment, you need to understand that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. If he starts to blame you and tells you he did not want to hurt you but YOU made him, I would run as far away from him as possible - especially because of the fact that you have a child with him. You need to protect yourself as well as your child. Seek counseling regardless.

If it is only a one time mistake, which I hope it is, I would recommend that you seek a couple's counselor. He needs to understand why he hit you and that you should not be blamed for it, etc. No one can change what they don't acknowledge. People also deserve second chances if they are truly sorry and want to change, etc. Just don't allow him to constantly apologize if it happens again and again and again. You MUST be able to eventually forgive him so that you don't carry negative energy around with you, but you must NEVER forGET because that is what is going to protect you. I eventually forgave my ex for emotionally and verbally abusing me so that I could move on with my life. Once I realized that he was the sick one and it was not my fault, I was able to let go of the negative aura around me and it improved my life. I actually feel sorry for him (my ex-husband).

I hope this helps!!

[positiveparent]

Please do check the links I left for you, until you have don't forgive him or anything like it, first it needs to be determined if and how much at risk you are, please don't ignore, I almost lost my life at the hands of an abuser, don't take that risk with your life.

How badly injured are you, are you cut bruised, have teeth knocked out or possible broken bones, you say in your OP he bit you up I take that as being beat you up, which indicates more than a mere slap. Can you give more details of the assault please.

Was your child involved in anyway such as in your arms at the time, or close by.

Where is your partner now? Is it safe for you to be online? If you prefer I could post a link to the national domestic violence hotline site which is secure.

[martinizing2]

Abuse and violence cannot be tolerated. The fact it happened even once is a red flag with lights, bells, sirens and whistles.

I would suggest that in order to continue in the relationship you demand counseling and/or anger management.

Couple this with a vow that if it ever happens again that he can be assured it is the end of the relationship, you will call the police and have him arrested and have a protective order in place when he gets out of jail.

This is also an indication that he may not be able to be trusted around your child. This is a grave and disturbing issue to act out violently against someone who is helpless to defend themselves. Disgusting cowards who do this usually continue to do it.

If you do give him a second chance be very cautious and make sure he understands he has used up all the tolerance there is for that behavior.

NEVER AGAIN!

A note for positiveparent: Wanted to agree with your post but got the spread the rep... Just wanted to say... You Rock!

[positiveparent]

OK OP Ive just read your other posts on here, and I Am not saying this lightly, I mean this, you must get yourself and your child, as far away from this man as soon as you can, yes he is dangerous, he's already been accusing you of sleeping around, and he's not a child he's 40 you're 30, or that's what is in your other posts, Please get away from him, phone the police, ask them if they can put you in touch with the DVNH, or the local area office for whatever state you are in.

Can you maybe go to stay with family until you've contacted DVNH? If possible wait until your partner is at work then leave. Don't tell him what you are doing just get your child and do it, at the safest earliest time.

Don't forgive him and yes it would definitely get much worse, leave him now.

The police will know what you mean by DVNH.

If he has marked you make sure the police are informed and he's reported, don't let him get away with hurting you, prosecute him..

Here is the number you need to call, I believe it's a free phone number, or they'll call your right back.

1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

Links here for USA sites
USA site
http://www.eadv.net/
USA site 2
http://www.endabuse.org/

[positiveparent]

Abuse and violence cannot be tolerated. The fact it happened even once is a red flag with lights, bells, sirens and whistles.

I would suggest that in order to continue in the relationship you demand counseling and/or anger management.

Couple this with a vow that if it ever happens again that he can be assured it is the end of the relationship, you will call the police and have him arrested and have a protective order in place when he gets out of jail.

This is also an indication that he may not be able to be trusted around your child. This is a grave and disturbing issue to act out violently against someone who is helpless to defend themselves. Disgusting cowards who do this usually continue to do it.

If you do give him a second chance be very cautious and make sure he understands he has used up all the tolerance there is for that behavior.

NEVER AGAIN!

A note for positiveparent: Wanted to agree with your post but got the spread the rep.......Just wanted to say... You Rock!

Thank You pp.

[nadia.baseer.durrani]

If you ask me, hitting is unforgivable. If he can hit you once, he can always hit you again. Marriage is a big step. Take it wisely. If he is the type of guy who hits then definitely he'l hit the kids as well. And I bet no one can tolerate that. Think hard. Talk to your parents or your siblings. Tell them what has happened.

[martinizing2]

I too read your other posts. There is no question. It is time to go.

You are not dealing with a normal thinking person. He has acted out violently , and from what you say in the other posts he is stupid and suspicious and looking for things to be wrong.

I too believe you are in imminent danger and need to take action now. Not in the morning, not after you have coffee, but now.


Consider calling 911.

[Kitkat22]

Listen to me. The following was my life when I was very young and it will be yours if you don't get out.

One.. You are shocked the first time he hits you. He crys and says it's because he loves you so much.

Two.. He promises it won't happen again.. but it does and it will for you also.

Three... He isolates you from your family and friends. This a way of controlling you. He doesn't want anyone to know what's going on.

Four... You start believing it's your fault,you must have done something, you just don't know what.

Five... He brainwashes you into thinking he is the only one you need. No one else will have you.
You're either too fat, too skinny,
Too quiet, too loud. Anything to to degrade you.

Sex is a make up device for him a make up device.. for you it's degrading and you feel ashamed the things he forces you .

Seven.. You know when he drives in the garage what kind of mood he's in. If he's happy you have a good time.

Eight... You walk around on eggshells fearing you will say or do something which will set him off.

Nine.. He resents the baby, takes too much of your attention away from him.

Ten.. The slapping and hitting turn into to beatings. You go to different Emergency Rooms every time because the doctors have started to question your story of falling down the steps or running into a door.

Eleven.. You have scars inside and out and he keeps on and on and finally when he yells and sreams and starts on the baby.. you get the guts to fight back and he gets the scars.

Twelve... You leave with your child and go home or to a friend or a shelter... but your free.

Ask yourself ;where will I be next year and if he kills me where will my child be.

You'll be a statistic and that baby will be raised by someone other than you.l

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...lp-484154.html

Get the heck away from him for your own safety and that of your child. The last thing you need is to keep this a secret and have the false hope he will change. Everything points to him getting worse, so you need a safe place to be and with him ain't it. Time to talk to your family and get there help and support. He is sick, very, very, sick and above all DANGEROUS!

[excon]

Hello g:

Forgiving him is fine. Forgetting what he did is not. And, putting yourself and your children in a position for him to do it again, is DEFINITELY not OK. If he hit you once, he'll hit you again.

Go.

excon

[Kitkat22]

Don't let him fool you. He is a master manipulator.

The accusations of infidelity make you feel dirty.

You know you've never been with anyone else and so does he, just another form of abuse.

Talk to the ex wife..

[Lucky098]

No you cannot trust him. He may never hit you again, but you're always going to be ducking and worried that if he blows his steam again he is going to hit you.

He broke that trust.. He did something unforgivable.

In all honesty, its up to you if you want to forgive him. If my boyfriend hit me.. We would no longer be talking.

You can get as mad as you want at someone.. but to lash out in violence is a big no no.

Do not deal with it and do not tolerate it. He screwed up. He could have talked to you about his feelings, not lash out.

I hope you make the right choice for yourself.

Good luck

[positiveparent]

I have to spread the rep but I agree with every poster in this thread,

OP you must get out asap, Please, your and your child's life are in danger whilst you associate with this person...

[Devorameira]

It’s always scary to have someone lay a hand on you, but it is a real shock when it comes from someone you love and trust. For a relationship, it is always a serious sign when it gets physical, no matter what the circumstances.

There is NEVER AN EXCUSE for abuse! I would look at what happened as a big danger sign. It might not progress into more violence, but usually these things do not occur only once. In other words, if it happened once, it will probably happen again.

If you take this lightly and quickly “forgive him”, it will become more likely that it will occur again, because you will be condoning the behavior. He’ll know that he can get by with it and you’ll just “forgive” him.

I personally wouldn’t forgive his actions unless he goes into some therapy that gets to the root of the problem.

[Kitkat22]

There are so many things I could tell you to do and I don't think you will listen.

You haven't responded, so we don't know what you're going to do.

I hope you have left him. He will get worse and that child will grow up seeing him abuse you.

He doesn't love you! He doesn't know how to love anyone. He thinks you are a possession an object he chose.

Please get your child and leave. Please

[0rphan]

He's done it this time, he'll say sorry,promise faithfully that it will not happen again... it will... over and over if you let it.

He'll promise to change... he won't... when a man hits a woman, it's something that comes from within, like it's part of their makeup something they cannot change.

Whether you make the decision now to leave or several beatings down the line, eventually you will go. Save yourself a lot of pain for yourself and your child, get out now.