[the_lonely_spouse1]

Hello,

It is my first time on this web site and I am hoping to express my frustration and possibly share my painful experience with somebody who can help me with advice.

My husband and I have been dating for 3 years and been married for one year! Ever since I moved into his house he has been acting emotionally distant sometimes and he started to reject making love to me, saying that he is not in the mood or that it is not the right time. This has been happening for a year and I have been very hurt and frustrated, feeling not loved by him. We have talked about this and every time he gave me no answer. He said he does not know what is going on with him and he is depressed.

I am starting to lose my hope and it is very difficult for me to even stay connected emotionally with him when he does not want me! I know he is not cheating on me and otherwise we have a wonderful relationship and he is a very good attentive man.

I just do not understand his lack of interest in intimacy. Please help me with some feedback on common shared experiences or opinions about my husbands lack of interest!

Thank you!

[redhed35]

The first year of marriage is the hardest,or so they say,your both adjusting and finding a new normal with added responsibility.

He says he feels depressed?

Has he seen a doctor?

Will he see a doctor?

Time to sit down and talk,sometimes you have to MAKE time to make love,and it can take a conscious effort on both sides.

Marriage takes work,its not easy,but the benefits of working together pay huge dividends.

There are three parts to your marriage,you,him,and the marriage itself,all three need attention.

Talk to him and try and find ways together to improve your sex life,make a date night,plan it together,maybe a weekend away?

Both of you need to make the effort,not just you,and he needs to realise that.

[redhed35]

It may be his only option for now,but what he could do is check out online courses,receive the lectures on cd and listen and learn while he's driving.

Open university courses?

Adult back to education?

A laptop for the journey to get started on research etc.

Changing jobs can be tough,but it can be done.

His apathy towards his job and his general unhappiness can be changed,he just had t owant it to change.

For you,you could check into something that he likes to do,maybe a coach driver? or starting his own business?

Give him the link to his dream and the possibility that it could work and you might find a man with a new lease of life.

[Cat1864]

How old is he? How long has he been driving?

How often is he home? For how long at a time?

Does he own his own rig or is he working for a company? I know a lot of truckers have been extremely depressed over the past couple of years because of the price of fuel and maintaining a truck. Is that part of his problem?

It it is loneliness, can you go on the road with him every now and then? Has he thought of having a co-driver?

A laptop and online courses could be a great way for him to expand his options without giving up his job (Had to spread the rep, Red).

What were things like before you got married? Could there have been issues that were masked by the limited amount of time you could spend together due to living in separate places?

[septemberlove]

My husband and I dated three years, and will be married a year in September. During the last 10 months he has lost 2 jobs, and has been depressed. Though my husband and I didn't have this issue, we did deal with a lot of obstacles. I definitely agree that encouraging him to search for a job where he can thrive. Through talking with my husband, I've learned that a lot of his depression came from the sudden realization that his choices and mistakes no longer only affected him. He let me know that he had this overwhelming feeling that he wasn't able to provide for me and give me all that I needed and wanted.

Try encouraging your husband, let him know how appreciative you are for the sacrifices he makes as a driver for your family. Also, try to set up a date night or recreate your honeymoon. Just be patient.

[the_lonely_spouse1]

Hello,
Thank you for your advice. My husband does not know why he is depressed. As for the possibility of a better job or school, that is out of question! He tried to go to school and did not like it! I have encouraged him and even pushed him but I

[the_lonely_spouse1]

Hi,
He is 25 but he is home every night! He has a local driving job!
I am actually the lonely one! And he is probably lonely inside as well! What kind of person-man- can refuse to make love to his wife, making up excuses all the time!
Before I'm

[Cat1864]

The_lonely_spouse, if you use the Answer box at the bottom of the thread, you make one post instead of replying to each and very post with the same information.

Does he have a dream job?
What type of school did he try going to?

[the_lonely_spouse1]

Haha.. thank you for the tip... that helps!

[Bakequery]

There could be all different reasons this is happening. Why don't YOU go to a counselor and try to get some help dealing with the problem? A counselor will be able to take the time to really understand the situation - something that we can't do here in a few paragraphs.

For instance: Could you have bad hygiene? Could he have contracted a venereal disease that he doesn't want to give you? Could he be embarrassed by his performance? Could your husband be a homosexual?

There could be so many different reasons this is happening that it is a waste of time guessing about it. Best thing to do is get some counseling on how to deal with it.

[talaniman]

Are there no children at home?