[creahands]

:THIS WAS JUST TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON... 8-)



These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,

And are things people actually said in court, word for word,

Taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of

Staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.





ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

Morning?

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes . ;

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

Forgot?

___________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

Voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

Sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

____________________________________



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

____________________________ ______ _________



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you ting me?

_________________________________________



ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a

New attorney?

___________________________________ ______ ___



ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

_____ ________________________________



ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition

Notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________



ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

People?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

________________________________________



ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

To?

WITNESS: Oral.

_________________________________________



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WIT NESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNE SS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________



And the best for last:



ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

Pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

Began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATT ORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,

Nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

Practicing law.

[hkstroud]

Love it Chuck.

[J_9]

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

[BlackVY]

I didn't realize this till now... but the title of the thread is spelled wrongly... or is that part of the humor..

[creahands]

Tapped the wrong key twice.LOL

Chuck

[twinkiedooter]

My favorite pastime when I worked in law offices was to read the transcripts of depositions and/or the trial transcripts.

And you wonder how some of these guys practice law and the Judge not laugh.

So, how about some more. Those were real gems to be sure.