[A4Effort]

There is a lot of great information on this site regarding relationships. There has been much ground covered and information shared. I just wanted to share some of my helpful tips to live a more fulfilling life, getting out "of the dumps," and living a joyful life. This information can be used as a supplement when needed. It can be used by anyone, at any time. I have gained this information through my own personal experiences. All information is open to criticism and further analysis.


1.) Block out negativity
I am too skinny/fat. I'm ugly. This job stinks. I hate doing this/that. It is very easy to focus on the negative aspects and much more difficult to see the good/positive in situations/people/etc... If we feed our minds with negative thoughts then negative actions/thoughts will come out. But if we feed our minds with positive thoughts then we will notice a change in our thoughts, actions, mood levels, energy, etc... Live by this rule: For every negative statement you make, make 3 positive ones.

2.) Exercise
Exercising improves our moods, energy levels, outlook, and health. There are no serious side effects to exercising (taking out injuring). We often say that we don't have time. School, work, family, and everything else takes our time away. Look at your schedule and make time for exercise. Take a walk during lunch. Hit the gym before work. Play with the kids for an hour. Exercising does not have to be a chore. Choose something you enjoy and practice it as often as you can.

3.) Write down your goals
Imagine you were blind folded and had to hit a target that was 20 feet away. Also, imagine that you were spun around multiple times and had no sense of direction because of this. Could you hit that target? You would probably tell me: "How can you hit a target you cannot see?" Now let me ask you a question: How can you accomplish a goal you don't have? Think about your goals. Write them down. Write down the necessary steps you need to take to accomplish them and take action.

4.) "Me" time
This one is simple. Spend some time to yourself and do something that you enjoy. Learn how to be happy by yourself and do not rely on others for your own personal happiness. Live your life and not someone else's.

5.) Try something new
Learning should never stop. Try out a new hobby, meet a new friend, or go to a new place you have never been to. Be curious about everything and always continue to expand your knowledge.

6.) Skip the gossip
There are no positive results of gossip. Stay away from it and put a stop to it.

7.) Read
You can travel the entire world from your home. You can meet the most famous people since the beginning of time. All from your home. How? Through reading books. Expand your knowledge and mind. Read books on great historical figures to see how they became successful. I recommend reading Andrew Carnegie's autobiography. Read, read, read. Turn off the TV and pick up a book instead. Close the web browser and read a page or two.

8.) Give out genuine smiles
Has a stranger ever walked by you and given you a genuine smile? If so, how did you feel? I'll bet that it made you feel a little bit better. Try it next time you are in public. Give a warm genuine smile. Even when you are not in a good mood, smile. It will improve your mood.

9.) "The more you put in the more you get out..."
There is no million dollar lottery ticket under your pillow. Cash does not drop from the sky on a regular basis. That manager position is not attained by always being late for work. A successful family is not created by not spending time with them. You will reap the benefits from the hard work you put in.

10.) Life is a __________!!!!! ) (Habit)
Everything in life is a habit. An overweight person did not become obese on accident. A professor did not become a teacher by buying a diploma online. Everything we do becomes a habit. Hold onto the positive ones for dear life and change the negative ones.


"Go as far as your eyes can see and when you get there you will always be able to see further. -Zig Ziglar

"The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his visions of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both. -Zen Buddhist text



References: Zig Zilglar, Barbara Fredrickson, etc....

[relliott27]

This is good(:

[TruthSayer0122]

I think this is good too. But "we' know the things we should do in theory, but when you have other issues it makes it hard to practice.

[positiveparent]

Hi Aeffort
Hope you don't mind, thought I would add mine to yours, seems together they compliment each other. PP

Relationships - Some Guidelines
Here for anyone to make use of are some guidelines to relationships that are either healthy or unhealthy, and how to get the best out of them.

Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

Read through the following if you are in a relationship with any of the traits described then its going no where, and you would be better to leave it and move on. These relationships are going to merely cause you hurt and pain.

When there is a imbalance such as one of the persons wants to control or dictate to the other.

Telling you who you can have as friends, what you can wear, where you can go, with whom, controls your finances, doesn't want to listen to anything that bothers you. Tells you to shut up, calls you unkind names or makes nasty remarks about you and your abilities.

One of the persons in the relationship does all of the giving and the other just takes, not showing consideration or thoughtfulness doesn't care about the others feelings turns up late or not at all. Flirts and makes out they're uninterested in person they're with in favour of another person, compares partner unfavourably with someone else.

Criticises, and complains makes a person feel inadequate, or not good enough, often threatens to end the relationship, unless you do as they want you to do.

Tells you they want space or a break, then changes their minds. Seems to pick you up and drop you at their leisure. Have cheated on you at least once if not more. Enjoys making you feel jealous. Often ignores your attempts at fixing problems by telling you you're imagining them. Shouts or yells at you swears and curses, Is kind one minute and cruel to you the next. Talks down to you, or condescending, invades your privacy and exploits your boundaries. Turns things around so it seems you're at fault.

Trust:
Without trust there's no love, if you've been cheated on lied to or discovered your partner has been lying to you about their past or anything, then you would be better off to just forget it and find someone who will respect you and treat you better,

Good Relationships contain these;
Loyalty, Loving, Trusting, Respecting, Giving, Caring, Sharing, Wanting, Communicating, Listening, Talking, Compromise, Allowing, Nurturing, Confiding, Laughing, Happy. Honesty, Space,

How to really listen;
Decide who is going to talk first, allow that person to say everything they want to say, and once finished wait 1 minute before you respond, then say what you have to say.
No interupting the person who is talking this shows you're not listening.

Be hard to get;
Don't Run After a person once they've decided to end it with you, you lose yourself respect and will end up being hurt even more. One way I found that always got attention from someone was to turn up where they would be, stay for say 30 minutes then leave don't approach the person you want to notice you. Don't Phone, Email, Text, or anything along these lines, leave all attempts at contacting them alone. If they want to get in touch with you they will, don't make it easy for them, be out or unavailable, or tell them you can't stop long you're going out. If they ask who with be evasive say oh just friends.

Never appear to be clingy or needy, it's a relationship killer, even if you are desperate and needy don't let them know this, appear to be offhand or flippant. It'll get them thinking. Don't expect to know why a relationship has ended, it has and that's all there is to it. Sometimes even the person who ends the relationship won't know why its ended just that it wasn't what they wanted to be in anymore. Don't obsess over what went wrong.

Theres really no Hurry
Between 16 and 20 consider all relationships under a year as being casual, for you to learn how to conduct future relationships and as a kind of practice run for when you get into the real deal. Aim to settle down when you're over 25, live life and see the world first. There's no hurry to get into a long term commitment you've got your whole life ahead of you, there's no age limit to getting settled down.

Until you find the person who is the right one for you always keep a little bit of yourself back, if you give everything too soon there's nothing left for the other one to find out. Don't compare yourself to another you're different you're unique just be yourself and let the other person be themselves too. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you own the other person or they you, you are merely sharing a time span with them, it could be weeks months or years, but no one at anytime ever owns another person.

Don't stress over exs they're exs and that's that.

Be Yourself and Let the other be Him/Herself.
All you can do is work on being the best person you can be, and giving to any relationship what you want to get out of it, don't look to the other person for validation. Don't take them for granted or abuse trust be loving and considerate. Allow the other the right to be themselves, don't try to mould them into something they're not.

Never try to prove your point, or try using an argument to get one over the other person, its not a case of who is wrong or right that matters, you can agree to disagree, and put it behind you, this way its less likely to cause any real lasting damage between you both, remember we are all entitled to an opinion and if yours don't compliment each others, that doesn't mean they're not valid opinions to you as individuals.

We all see the world through our own eyes. Its futile to argue over who is wrong or right. You're in a grown up relationship so act like it and leave the playground tactics to the children. This is what's meant by compromise. Accept you won't agree on every single issue.

All being well you'll have a great time together, for as long as its meant to last.

To Sex or not;
Don't be too eager to get into a sexual relationship. Boys will not often refuse if its handed to them on a plate, however if she had sex with you tonight who did she have sex with last night. Use protection always. Girls make them wait for it, if he says things like if you loved me you would, ignore him. He's going to try every trick in the book, hold onto your respect and values never compromise them for any boy friend. If he truly cares he will wait until you're ready. If he doesn't he wasn't worth keeping around.

Casual sex is empty and meaningless.

Getting back together after a break Up
If you get back together, and you haven't fixed what went wrong when you broke up the first time then chances are the relationship will just go the same way again, you have to resolve your issues and deal with all and any problems fully if you've any chance of making the relationship a success whether you break up once or ten times if you don't deal with the basics of what went wrong it will just go wrong again...

The above may help you understand your relationships, I am hoping it will, although I know everyone is different. These guidelines though could mean the difference between a good time or a bad time...

[A4Effort]

Your addition is greatly appreciated. Thank you

[talaniman]

A balanced life that makes you happy, is a good way to make sure you are healthy enough to make good choices for yourself, and not be reliant on the attentions of another to be happy with yourself, in the first place.

Many make a partner the center of their universe, and have unreal expectations, that they put on their partner, and that's really not fair to either partner. If you want a healthy happy relationship, it starts with both partners being happy, and healthy. Or at least capable of being rational most of the time.

Especially after the initial honeymoon period has worn off, and the lustful attraction has disappeared, and you then see what you have left to work with. That's the first defining moment for any couple, what they do from there. That's the challenge that all couples face, when the work starts, and the real love begins. That just the way reality is, and its at that point the hard choices begin.

At that point, love is more than a feeling or even an attraction, its how hard you are willing to work, and for how long.

That's the true test, and challenge to face. If you cannot work together through honest communications, then you will find that love turns very quickly to resentments, and hate. Then its not love any more, even though its just as intense, but its time to let go, recover, and try again, with a different partner.

Bottom line-No honest communications, AND a willingness to work together to resolve any issues, then no relationship, no understanding, and there are still no guarantees.