[meghan86]

My mother was adopted in 1961 (the year she was born) and she has no desire to search for her biological parents. I would like to know who they are because I'm curious about a few genetic traits that I have. I am genetically missing my right incisor tooth and I have blue eyes (my mother has brown and my father has blue, one of my mother's biological parents must have blue eyes). I would also like to know who they are for health reasons, I want to know if there is anything health related passed through my mother's side. Anyone know if I can legally obtain their medical records without my mother's consent?

[Synnen]

Well, if you can FIND them, you can ask them for their records.

But no court in the US will open adoption records because you're curious.

LEGALLY, you have no rights to that information anyway.

If your mother does not want to search, how about you don't break her wishes?

[meghan86]

Thanks for your input. Obviously you wouldn't understand the importance of needing to know for health reasons. I could forgo my curiousity into knowing who they are to find who hold my genetic traits but medical records are given to those who have biological background with the people in question. I figured that one out on my own the other day. Because I am biologically related to them I can legally obtain the medical records but their identities will be kept a secret. I'd just like to know if a specific medical complication runs on my mother's during child birth.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see I am adopted, was adopted in the 50's, and I see no need for health reasons, honestly, why, give me a good reason ,
With health screening they have today, DNA testing, blood testing, CAT scans,

And sorry, there is no magic storehouse of medical records and merely being their granddaughter will not give you even if they had a cold, unless they wish to tell you.

[meghan86]

Helpful advice is appreciated. Sarcastic comments and ignorance to the issue at hand is unwanted.

[asking]

I agree with Fr. Chuck. A medical history is nice, but the reality is that doctors rarely look at it when trying to decide if you have cancer or heart disease or if your baby is in danger. They'll run a test and make a decision. If you are concerned about a particular problem, let your doctor know, preferably in writing, so it's in your record. Talk to the doctor about how to avoid problems.

The deep medical importance of knowing the health of all your grandparents is HIGHLY overrated. Even if you are wondering if you are at risk for something definitely genetic, like say, Huntington's disease, you could just get the test. But you know what? Of all the people known to be at risk,only 10% of people actually get the test. They don't want to know.

By the way, your mothers' parents do not need to have had blue eyes. They could both have light brown eyes and each have had one blue allele and one brown allele (in fact, there are several genes that affect eye color). But just simplifying. And, as you probably know, the missing incisor is a common defect.

Given all that, doing this in spite of your mother's objections seems not very nice.

[meghan86]

You people claim to be experts but if you would actually read the question you would know that my mother doesn't object to me finding out who they are, she just would rather be left out of it. Did anyone take grasp the concept of proper grammar and wording in their many years in school? Obviously not, this site was a waste of time because many of you have no clear "yes this is how you do it" or "no, you need her consent to figure it out"... period. All these "experts" have to offer are some not so useful information and general ignorant opinions.

[meghan86]

P.S. many people don't know what to look for which is why they don't get tested until something is definitely wrong. Knowing where you came from is a much safer route.

[Synnen]

You want to talk about sarcastic and rude attitudes---well, look to yourself first, honey.

I DO understand the point of knowing your medical background. I'm a birthmother who placed her child for adoption. I keep in touch with her parents so that they are kept up to date on the medical problems that crop up in our family, so that she KNOWS. Her biological father, however, doesn't do the same, so she won't have all of the information anyway.

I'd also like to point out that you STILL have to go to court to get those medical records with all of the information removed--and it's not available everywhere yet, the last I heard. In most places, you still have to prove NEED to get those records.

And if you honestly think that you can contact your biological grandmother and she'll be happy to just hand over her information to you and move on, then you have no idea how the dynamics of the adoption triad work. You have no idea, number one, if you'll be upsetting her life and/or disrupting her other relationships--in 1961, you didn't tell anyone about adoption, you just pretended it never happened. You'd be opening a LOT of cans of worms for her, not the least of which is her emotional well-being.

Now add to that that the child that she chose a better life for, the child she couldn't care for and had to not only pretend was dead, but had to mourn alone because you just didn't talk about it--that child doesn't want to be in contact. Only her daughter, and because she WANTS something, and is curious---not that she's seeking out of empathy or hope of a loving relationship. But in order to get what she wants, she has to upset the life of the birthfamily, and then explain that the adoptee wants nothing to do with it.

Gee... that whole scenario sounds selfish to me. You're not even THINKING about how you will disrupt other peoples' lives--you just want what you want, and when we won't tell you how to get it, you get snotty with us and tell us we're not good experts for not answering your question.

We did answer your question. It just wasn't the answer you wanted to hear.

PS--you want to go to court for the records, then get a lawyer and pay out the butt to get them. If you're searching for more than that, then read the stickies at the top of the adoption forum. You call us bad answerers---I call you a bad questioner, who didn't read all of the information available before posting, and who is rude to the people trying to help.

[asking]

Meghan,
Since politeness isn't an issue, let me be more clear in what I'm telling you.

MOST serious health issues that affect most people are NOT GENETIC. Although how susceptible you are to certain diseases can be affected by your particular set of genes (probably hundreds, not just one or two), MOST ill health in this country is caused by life style choices (which I don't necessarily blame entirely on individuals, just to be clear) and environmental effects. People don't want to hear that, but it's true. The Biomedical industry has promoted this idea that there's "a gene for" everything that's wrong with people. But this is mostly nonsense. I'm telling you that you don't "need" this medical history.

Add that to what Synnen just said about disrupting families, plus the legality issues, and you have a very complete answer. Just not the one you wanted.

[meghan86]

Well obviously I misunderstood the answers you were giving me. It really would be helpful just for the facts of the matter instead of the guilt trip into wanting to find out why my mother can't give birth naturally and if the same will happen to me. I was in the hospital with her two weeks after the c-section because we both contracted something due to the procedure being as rushed as it was, her cervix would not open to let me through. I don't want the same for my child when I decide to have one. You all seem to be information bearing experts in whatever fields and that's fine, but as far as you opinions go, you're hear to answer the facts, not state your opinions. Thank you for your input and apologies around for not caring about your opinions on what my mother and I disagree on.

[Synnen]

So... if you think that's genetic, talk to your doctor about it.

That's a narrow enough area that you CAN be tested for it. ESPECIALLY if your mother was diagnosed and you can use HER records.

Look--the reason we're judgmental is that most of us answering have dealt with one aspect or another of adoption--and it's not all cake and punch for reunions. It's all well and good to register on reunion websites or whatever--but please remember that it is someone else's LIFE that you are disrupting if they are not searching as well.

The only time I TRULY think the descendants of adoptees have a right to their history is when it is a medical emergency---like looking for a bone marrow or kidney donor. Otherwise, I think the only people with RIGHTS in an adoption are the triad: adoptee, adoptive parents and biological parents. Anyone more removed than those people simply just do not understand how a reunion can affect and ripple out to others.

While your mother may have the right to know her immediate medical history, I don't feel that you need to know--especially since you are thinking of asking her about the childbirth of a child she couldn't keep! Think about that for just a minute: How would you like someone showing up 40 years after YOU give birth to a child that you have to give up and grieve over as if that child was dead--and have that person ask you about the birth of that child, for purely medical reasons?!

Yes, I understand that you don't want your child to go through what you and your mother did--but then have your doctor run tests that would isolate what that problem might be, and see if you can find out WITHOUT disrupting someone else's life.

PS--if you didn't want an opinion, and JUST wanted an answer, you should have paid a lawyer. I don't care WHO you are or what you ask, if you're getting free advice on the internet, you're going to get opinions with it.

[asking]

Interesting.

Here is some information about the problem of the cervix not opening.
Cervical Ripening: eMedicine Obstetrics and Gynecology

I would recommend that you read it. If you have questions, come back here and ask them and I will attempt to help.

When is your due date?

Edit: Never mind. I can see it's too technical for the average person. I'll see if I can find something easier later.

[keysign]

I heard my adoptive grandparents mention that they have a file on my biological grandparents so I'm going to ask them casually without rustling too many feathers. It is a sensitive issue adopted people seem to have very deep emotional feelings about being adopted and my mom is set on not knowing who gave birth to her. Me personally, I want their names and maybe a small amount of info on them I'm not trying to show up on their doorstep.