[pinkfantasy]

Hi Everyone

I'm 25 yrs old and have been with my now ex-boyfriend for 4 yrs. I found out yesterday that he's been cheating for the past 2 months. It was such a shock + the first time this has happened. The way he told me was really low... he e-mailed to me and cc'd this girl in saying what he's about to tell us will shock us etc. So this girl e-mailed me + I found out so many things. Last night he texted me like 20 times, this morning he phoned just as much + even came to my work and he's been bombarding me with e-mails, but I'm refusing to speak with him, I'm so angry and hurt at the moment.

Now suddenly he's really sorry + he has all these excuses, I'm still shocked as I never thought him to be this type of person... I will never take him back, since we dated he knew that cheating to me is the worst thing to do to another human being... it's an unforgivable sin!

The bad thing is that I'm still staying at home as I was overseas for 3 yrs, so not only am I hurt but my parents and brother too...

Why would someone that supposedly loved you so much and made plans to marry to do this?

I would really appreciate some advise.

Thank you!

[AngelaO]

He will always cheat on you.
Why don't you experience first what out there!!
I mean if you have [B]no kids [/B]

[jasyrowb]

I have recently lost my girlfriend because I was stupid enough to cheat on her once, I understand how she is feeling now and I'm really really sorry for what I did, I think its unfair to say that once a cheat always a cheat, I have learned the hard way (which is my own doing) and I realise what I have lost. Not only have I hurt her I'm hurting too. All I'm saying is just because you have done something once does not mean your going to do it again.

[valinors_sorrow]

People cheat for a variety of reasons. I think saying all cheaters will cheat again is too simple minded for me.

Some learn their lessons, some don't. The vast majoritiy of the ones I have known to cheat did so as some sort of "exit strategy" from their current relationship, i.e. they lacked the courage to say its over to their mate who doesn't even know how unhappy they are---so the cheating says it for them. I have watched friends do this even as I argued for them not to. Some learn the lesson after that, some don't. Some of those that don't learn the lesson end up duplicating the same relationship mistake again and find themselves in another unhappy relationship they want to end. Unbelievably they cheat again instead of ending it and on and on until the lesson is learned. They look a lot like the next group.

Then there are the chronic cheaters who must cheat for reasons far more deeply buried, its almost like they are addicted to the forbiddeness of it all. They cheat on their wives and their mistresses! They rarely stop cheating from what I have seen and I would guess certainly not without some major professional help.

And then there is what I call the situational cheater who when caught is just devastated by their own behavior and what they've done. They were a little messed up and in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had a friend like this who panicked after the first encounter and after we talked for a bit, confessed to his wife and they worked it out, together, and remain happily married 20+ years now.

That you told him how you felt about cheating and he did it anyway makes me think he is in the first category. That he wanted out. I think if you are considering even remotely of taking him back, I would strongly advise against it unless you see substantial, and I mean substantial remorse, bigtime taking responsibility for it (no excuses! ) and a profound change in him. You would need to hear the rest of what he hasn't been telling you too. He would need to suddenly become very very truthful about everything. Then and ONLY then... would I even consider it. And you'll still have a long road ahead too. Otherwise, you are right to say no thanks, I prefer my mate faithful.

I am, by the way married to someone from the third category too but he learned his lesson long before we hooked up. I can say with confidence that we've been faithful to each other and that does feel good.

I hope this helped shed some light for you Pink. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Wildcat21]

Basically - it's really easy - he's a selfish jerk.

People who cheat are selfish and controlling. Me. Me. Me.

Personally - and from my studies - I have not seen some stop cheating. Once a cheater - always a cheater.

Eventually they will cheat again - there's some initiall thrill or rush involved - like a drug. When the coast is clear... look out.

You'd be best to move on.

[Presleygall85]

You definitely deserve better! Get out there see who else there is! Don't look down on yourself... he was a selfish prick!

[talaniman]

As others have said get someone you deserve and don't worry about this jerk. Go forward and don't let him stop you from being happy.

[Kittysaur]

Hun, I'm 15 and people tell me I'm too young to have fallen in love. I did. We made plans to get me away from my father. At the age of 17 I was going to go and live with Jimmy. I just found out yesterday he was cheating on me. He lied to me for 6 days noe, He said him and his dad got in a fight.. and he wouldn't have his fone for 6+ months. That was all a lie. I checked his myspace today and it had some chick on there. Under her picture it said "My beautiful baby girl"
I'm so ing hurt! I've cried non stop. I won't go to school.. All I'll do it run out of the class crying. It's hard to handle being cheated on. I know this isn't my first time.. But the other guys I dated.. didnt mean as much to me.