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jpr929803 · Jun 25, 2010, 08:45 PM

Discovered 9 months ago that my husband has been leading a secret life, defined by counselors as divient. FOR FIVE years he has been having sex with many women, men and men dressed as women. He has HOSTED men seeking men sexual get togethers at hotels. All initially thought---he's sexually addicted, then his behavior was called compulsive ---now he talks of having needed to make connections. I learned tonight from my 12 year old son, that while my "husband" professed he was sick, and professed his love for me & his children, he was on dating sites, talking to "friends" while his 2 children sat near by. I discovered weeks ago he has been paying a dating service .
He's been out of the house for 9 months. I had him out of the house the day I found out, and in counseling the next day. He has been attending SA meetings for 9 months & counseling for diviant sexual behavior and depression. I have been in counseling sessions with him on and off---mostly off---once I announced I wanted a divorce & he began trying to justify his destructive behavior. Now he does not think he should accept full responsibility for his behavior.
He is lost, I know---BUT HOW LOST? Tonight I learned that after betraying me and his family for 5 years, he never stopped . The lies have continued & the sexual acting out which he professed had stopped, started back up fairly shortly after being caught. BUT he may be trying to "go normal", as I have termed it since the day of discovery. He is on dating sites searching---it looks like for someone like me, while his children watch TV at his apt.
NOW here is my question... I believe he is sick---lacks a consceince, and ability to make healthy decisions for himself---HOW CAN I LEAVE MY CHILDREN IN HIS CARE? I do want to limit & if possible have his visitation structures and/or monitored. Do I have any chance here?? Please help me. I do not believe he can stop his search for sex--- for a connection--- even--- while he is caring for his 7 year old girl and a 12 yr. old son. I can't prove he has returned to diviant sexual practices---. My son has over heard him taking to "woman" & discovered his dating sites on the computer. BUT not is involvement with lots of men & transvesties.

Clough · Jun 25, 2010, 09:52 PM

Hi, jpr929803!

It's not clear from your post.

Are you and he divorced, and even if not, do you have full legal care and custody of your children, please?

Thanks!

jpr929803 · Jun 28, 2010, 06:38 PM

Hi,

We are not yet divorced. We have been separated for almost 9 months. I have full custodial care of the children, and have up until now encouraged & greatly supported his opportunities to see the children, Often in the early months, my counselor told me I was helping too much. (MY kids need their dad, BUT I now have additional evidence that he is not getting better...

For the past 6 months they have spent one night sleeping at his Apt. and see him for a few hours 2 nights per week. I am now very concerned that he has never stopped his "addiction", has lied to all of us, and is conducting his "searches & contacts" in front of the children or while they are present in his apt.

Do you have any expertise in this area??