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dcl66 · Jun 28, 2010, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Think rationally. She used you to realize she would rather be with her ex.

I really don't think she used me, I asked her from the beginning of our relationship if she was over her ex and she honestly told me she was. I don't think she realized she was not over him until he showed up at her work. She said the feelings for him just came back. I know whatever she felt was very strong. She is still today trying to figure out if she still wants to go back to him or not. She is still not sure. I made her promise me to let me know what her final decision is-him, me or alone. She promised she would let me know. She had never lied to me before and I don't think she will. She knows I am innocent in this and that it's all her fault. I'm not trying to defend her, just stating the facts.

vanheart · Jun 28, 2010, 08:36 PM

Well, what she told you & what she's doing are 2 different things, huh?

You shouldn't wait around or let her make you an option.

That's not a promise. That's just lame.

Be glad it wasn't 2.5 years...

talaniman · Jun 28, 2010, 08:45 PM

She said the feelings for him just came back.

And her feelings for him were enough to get you dumped. That's also a fact you seem to ignore.

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.

Talaniman Rules- when you get dumped, don't go back to get dumped again

If she hasn't gotten over him yet, it may take a lot longer, if she ever does. Why wait when you could be doing your thing, and exploring better options, and opportunities. Waiting for someone to get over someone else is insane.

vanheart · Jun 28, 2010, 08:48 PM

Hence ex-girlfriend...

Ash123 · Jun 28, 2010, 09:48 PM

Originally Posted by dcl66

I really don't think she used me, I asked her from the beginning of our relationship if she was over her ex and she honestly told me she was. I don't think she realized she was not over him until he showed up at her work. She said the feelings for him just came back. I know whatever she felt was very strong. She is still today trying to figure out if she still wants to go back to him or not. She is still not sure. I made her promise me to let me know what her final decision is-him, me or alone. She promised she would let me know. She had never lied to me before and I don't think she will. She knows I am innocent in this and that it's all her fault. I'm not trying to defend her, just stating the facts.

Whoops. You gave her the power to decide, while you said you will just wait for a verdict - like a criminal in a court room...
A woman has to see your tail lights leaving town before they act.

If she was nice and just had to take time off to work on her graduate thesis or something I'd say wait, but you were too nice... you are making it clear that she is in control and she won't feel anything if you are just standing by. Focus on getting away. It's not cold, it's practical.

She has shown me nothing to make me say hold on and wait.
Hear me now, believe me later.

vanheart · Jun 28, 2010, 09:57 PM

Give her the tail lights, & step on it with your tires burning.

Don't bother to look in the rear view.

Her graduate thesis is the next guy.

dcl66 · Jun 29, 2010, 12:43 PM

Well, I broke the rules and contacted her this morning. I felt I had to, to get closure and to see if she had made a decision. I think waiting for a decision is harder than hearing it. And after we talked, I do feel much better and now I know I can move on and forget her. I found out that after seeing him this weekend, she is still confused. I also found out that the tie to her ex is stronger than I thought. She told me she is "obligated" to try it again with him! I couldn't believe my ears. I told her that is just wrong. I asked her what she meant and she told me she had made a promise to him years ago that if he changed something in his life, she would give him another chance. But because of me and him hurting her before, she if very hesitant. I told her she had to please herself and not go into a relationship because of a promise. I know there is more to it than that, but this news really threw me for a loop. Anyway, I know now that I have to forget her and go on with my life, but at least now, I have closure and I feel better, for now. I can sort of see the future again.

vanheart · Jun 29, 2010, 12:48 PM

Now you can go NC.
Let her fulfill her "obligation".
Don't wait for her to come running back.
She lied from the get go.

Ash123 · Jun 29, 2010, 03:08 PM

I don't normally quote myself but just a reminder from previous post:
"She has shown me nothing to make me say hold on and wait.
Hear me now, believe me later."

Ok, buddy, as time to go NC... and "saddle up and ride"

You will be OK. Glad you are focused now.

m1989 · Jan 24, 2011, 05:28 AM

I feel sorry for you I know exactly how you feel my girlfriend of 9months has just done the same to me and I feel completely lost I love her so much, more than I've ever loved anyone. Her ex was a waster to her for 10years emotionally torturing her saying really horrible things to her everyday until she hit rock bottom and moved out and got her own place and now he's claiming to be a changed man because he can't cope and he's jealous of seeing her happy with me. My girlfriend has said she's madly in love with me and very happy with me but says she's confused aswel I think you should just sit tight and give her time and pray your girlfriend comes back that's what I'm doing.