[13ecca]

A while back I met this guy through some friends of mine. At first we just texted, then we rang each other and then we agreed to meet up again. From day 1 there has always been a bit of flirting there etc.
After meeting up with him a couple of times he told me that he kind of liked me and I also kind of liked him.
Just before we first met up he had a nasty break up with his ex girlfriend, so when we found out that be both felt the same, we agreed to just see how things turned out as neither of us wanted to rush into anything.
It's been 3 months now and we meet up a few times a week.
Not long ago we had our first kiss. After this I said where do we stand with this now and he said "well we are obviously more than friends, but lets not rush into anything" I'm happy to because this is my first proper "experience" so to call it, with a guy.
So the story goes we keep meeting up and when ever we are out he always holds my hand, if he comes round to mine we always cuddle on the sofa whilst watching a film and he always gives me really passionate kisses.
Last weekend we went out with our friends and nothing. He spent time with me but wasn't affectionate with me around them. I thought that maybe it's because our friends knew him with his ex girlfriend, so maybe he was a little uncomfortable for them to see him like that with another girl or something?
Then this week I went with him to meet his friends who I didn't know, when one of them asked if anything was going on, he said we are just friends.
I don't want to ask him where things are going because I don't want to seem obsessive, its just that I'm starting to like him quite a lot more and I don't want to end up as a "friend with benefits"
How do I go about this? I want to know if he ever sees us together, but as I said I don't want to come across as pushy or obsessive.
I am quite happy where we are now, just with this being my first experience (he knows it is) I don't want to be messed around.
If anyone could give any advice that would be great!
Thanks in advance :)

[88sunflower]

I guess all you can do is explain this to him. Try to tell him your interested in more and you would like to know his thoughts on this.

If his other friends are around that knew him with his ex and he is calling you just a friend then it seems he isn't over his ex yet. Maybe you can put it on the table you understand he may not be ready to move on but you want to know where you stand in his life at this time.

[redhed35]

The best way not to become friends with benefits is not to have sex with him.

Make the bounderies clear.

Enjoy what you have now,however, friends don't kiss each other with passion,at least mine don't!

If your friends be friends,if your dating then date,but not in secret,if your boyfriend and girlfriend,well see how the dating goes first.

He may be cautious if he is just out of a relationship,you don't want to be the rebound girl,so my advice,be friends,give him time,no more kissing etc,YOU date other guys,and be happy and busy in your life,don't fixate on one guy,esp,one just out of a relationship.

After some time,if your both still single and feel the same,go for it,but in the meantime don't become a sucker for him.

[13ecca]

Sex is a no ago. We have both talked about it and agreed that we wouldn't want to just yet.
I know that she messed him around a lot during their relationship, so he could be cautious, I have assure him I am nothing like her though.
I have exams coming up, only a week left of them, so maybe I can also have some time to think and sort some things out.
Thank you both for the advice :)

[talaniman]

Continue to enjoy getting to know each other through the dating experience, and see how things go later. Since sex is not an issue (good for you) don't have such high hopes and expectations that make for a lot of pressure and kills the fun. Stay practical, and learn for sure if he is worth the risk of giving him your heart. That seems to be what he is doing.

What's the hurry to have an official title and social commitment. Being just friends works for now so just let whatever this is grow naturally by mutual consent. So don't get carried away with those good feelings just yet. There is much more to find out about each other before you try EXCLUSIVELY dating each other.

What? You thought you were exclusive already? That's something to talk about, AFTER ABOUT 6 MONTHS, OR SO!!

[13ecca]

I don't even know what I want from sharing this, advice maybe, on what to do? Maybe I just want people to listen... I don't really know.
So it starts with a guy, I met him through some friends of mine, after a while we started dating or seeing each other or whatever it was. Nothing sexual, neither of us were ready, just hugs, kisses, holding hands, cuddles, dates out, movie nights in, met the parents and everything.
This lasted about 3 months. Anyway things got a little messy over some trust issues and we decided that it would be best if we just stayed friends.
Obviously my feelings weren't going to change over night, I still rather liked this guy and well... I still rather do.
The thing is 2 weeks ago he met my best friend when we were both in town. He invited us out one night to go and watch him race, we went. From then on the guy and my best friend have been non stop texting/calling/facebooking.
So obviously not comfortable with this but, hey what could I do? Stupidly had a movie night at best friends house *this was the 3rd time they had met* I felt like I needed to be there to keep an eye on them, how pathetic right? I had to go home early, guy took me home and said that he'd forgot his wallet and would have to go back to her house. Alarms bells rang in my head, I had an idea something was going on by now but, I can't really do anything. Nothing was said after this, guy started being very quiet towards me so I knew something was up.
Last night a group of us stayed over at best friends house, this guy came round, I was jealous all night.
Anyway this morning best friend admitted to me that she liked him. She told me that when he went back to her to "get his wallet" which he never even left, he stayed there until 4:30am when I left at 11.
She admitted that they both liked each other and they kissed and that they were rather cosy last night *which I saw*
I just don't know what to do. I understand that me and this guy were never truly in a relationship, so he's not an ex, and even so there are no rules you can date/see/go out with anyone you wish.
The thing is I still pretty much like this guy and my best friend knows, so obviously I'm rather upset/angry/confused by what's happened, where did I go wrong, what do I do next? I just really don't know. I don't know if I've even explained it all properly, it probably sounds childish but my best friend is the only person I have, I went to her about everything and now this involvs her, I don't know where to go...

[talaniman]

I understand its very hard to cope with those intense feelings of attraction, and want them return by the guy, and have high hopes that they will be and I know how it feels when they are not, and hurt and disappointed when so called friends throw stuff in the game to make it worse, and more complicated.

Growing pains hurt, as your learning, but you must also learn to stand up for yourself, and express yourself. First to her, the so called friend, and to him, the so called boy.

But at the end of the day, you will see your surrounded by more experienced, and aggressive people who have their own agenda.

Eventually, as hurtful as it is, you will have to protect your own heart against a fellow who does want what you do, and may never. And a friend who isn't that great of a friend because of her own character flaws.

Remove yourself from this situation completely, and heal, and be better prepared for next time.

Sorry you had to learn this life lesson the hard way about people.

[13ecca]

I guess these things just happen eh?
I have sent a 7 page text message to friend saying how my my head wants to be the bigger person and say I don't mind, go for it with the guy, you can't help who you fall for, but my heart thinks you're an idiot for even going there and I feel betrayed by her.
I have said that no matter what she decides, I will still be her friend it just may take some time to rebuild the trust. But have stated that I now want nothing to do with said guy and to please leave him out of the conversation.
I'm a tough cookie and I know I'll get over it and be fine, it will just take some time.
Thank you

[I wish]

She doesn't sound like a very good friend to me, going behind your back to hook up with this guy and only telling you afterwards. All the while, she was fully aware that you still had strong feelings for him.

As for him, sounds like he's lead you on for quite a few months. Though there might not have been any sex involved, it sounds like a friends with benefits arrangement to me. He's got you head over heals for him, when he has no intentions of being serious with you.

I suggest you stay away from your friend and this guy for a while, as it's going to be difficult for you to move on if you keep seeing them together. At least wait until your feelings for him have gone away and the emotional dust has settled.

I would say that you should find new friends and you can do better in terms of guys.