[moonshine]

Hey guys,

I am looking for answers to my troubles and I think this is a place I can get some objective advice.

I have been married for 3 years and while my husband and I love each other very much and get along like close buddies, I'm facing more and more domestic frustration as time passes.

He doesn't like to split responsibilities at home and I have to do everything by myself. All the cooking, cleaning, organizing, gardening, shopping, groceries, entertaining etc etc.

I have a high pressure job as does he and we earn equally. I work with a prestigious company and am very ambitious. But I feel really frustrated that I have to hurry back from office day after day and manage our lives while he blissfully spends all his time working / meeting people/ playing and then gets home for dinner, which is about 9pm and we watch TV and go to sleep.

I spend all my free time doing house related work and don't get the time to pursue my own interests and hobbies anymore.

We are also both so tired that we don't even make love anymore! When he does, it's with a quick get it over with approach. I don't feel attractive or precious anymore.

Truth is I feel abused / neglected / unattractive in this relationship. But I also love him madly. And I believe in his love too.

So I tried having a conversation, without getting offensive or soppy. When I explained what I wanted to talk about, he says "why must we reduce everything to conversation? I don't like to talk about all this".

I'm banging my head against the wall! Please please tell me what to do. How do we get the magic in this relationship? Are all men so frustrating??

We talk about work and other people all the time so it's not as if he doesn't like to talk about his problems. But not this... why??

[Allheart]

Hi Moonshine,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think the reason he can talk about work problems and not the issues in your marriage causing you concern, is due to the fact they don't touch the same nerve as the marital ones. By trying to deal with these issues, which to me, you did in the right way, took him out of his "comfort zone".

You will need to address this once again until he fully gets the depth of the difficulties and the effects it is having on both of you. Try and not fall under the fact that he turns it into "Why does everything have to result in a conversation". Your answer to that is because, I love you and these issues are important. It's hard to balance, but you have to do it in a loving way, in a way that will make him listen, but with firmness.

I completely understand how all of this is making you feel inside. Try not and internalize these difficulties and wear them to the point that it makes you feel bad about yourself. We have a tendency to get caught up in all the busyness of life, but it is the wise ones that recognize this and work on changing it. You just be sure to let him know that you love him enough to have this conversation with him.

Keep at it you are doing good so far.

I truly wish you all the best.