[mztizhay]

There was this exchange student last year from Germany and he sat behind me in my English Junior class. I didn't get to know him until the last few days of school because I was too shy to interact. When I finally got to know him, he caught my heart. At that time, however, I thought it was just infatuation because he was such a gentleman. But as we hung out more, especially that day I cooked him lunch and told him how I felt and he told me how he felt, I started to think it was more than just infatuation. We didn't start anything though because we both said we'd wait for the right time. Of course over the year, we talked less because we were both busy; therefore, I started falling for this other guy which seems to be more than a dream than reality. When I heard that my friend from Germany was coming back to visit this summer, my heart felt a sudden rush. I was happy and I started to double think about the guy I "thought I'm love with." I kept this to myself and still keeping it until the right time. I don't know what to say to my friends because ALL of them think I'm madly in love with the other guy and had totally forgotten about my German friend. Now, one of my friends whom I've grown somewhat close with is like crazy over my German friend. I'm jealous, angry, confused. I think I'm jealous because I know that I still have feelings for him and I'm angry because I let things out of control. I'm just confused about why I am like this. I know that I still have feelings for him but I'm trying to push him away because I know my friend likes him. What should I do? Please, someone help me.

[Gkhster]

I can't tell you 'what to do'. But here are some thoughts that I hope will help:

- The heart has a tendency to want what it knows it cannot have. Sometimes this springs from a fear of being hurt.

- If I read right, you are going to be a senior in High School this fall. That seems like eons ago for me! I recall an urgency to make plans that looking back did not exist. What I mean is that while you might feel pressed for time to make a decision, in reality you have tons of time. My point is that it is both wise and possible to take things slowly! Allow the relationship to grow or die without jumping into any kind of commitment.

- Balance that with some honesty. If you are confident that this German fellow won't tromp all over your heart, then let him know how you feel. You know, you may be young, but many lasting relationships have started at your age. If he is 'the one', then it would be a shame to let him get away because he never knew you cared. Perhaps he thinks you'd laugh at him if he even brought up the subject!

- It seems that your friend as jumped on the 'German' bandwagon because you never announced your intentions. This may be tricky, perhaps some one else may have some thoughts on this one. I'd just tell you to keep on with the 'honest' theme!

- The sad/wonderful things about relationships as that they always carry the risk of tremendous happiness, and tremendous pain. Playing the 'relationship' game cannot be done from the sidelines. If you are ready, jump in, knowing the risks and joys.

That is just my opinion. Good luck,

Guy