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LadyNaja · Dec 11, 2006, 01:01 PM

There's so much confusing stuff that's popped up in our relationship... For two years my boyfriend has though that he had a daughter. He's been providing for her for years, and going out of his way to help his ex wife because of their child. He wouldn't move far, because he wants to stay close to his daughter. But now we've found out that she isn't his. And that's when things got confusing. I could understand that if she really was his daughter, but yesterday he said he doesn't even think Lilly is his. I feel like she used him as a free babysitting and financial support. I don't know how to feel about this little girl... She is the child of his ex wife and his ex wife's fling. He has been taking care of her and felt like she's his daughter he says DNA doesn't matter. I think his ex is using him and weighing a heavy burden on us and I don't like it. She still borrows his car, and he lets her to care for "their" daughter.
I guess I don't understand. I'm trying, but I think his ex warped his brain...

Usually I can figure out stuff pretty good... But these are things I've never encountered before and they're really confusing... I mean, does it matter that she probably isn't genetically his? I guess I wouldn't have a problem if fshe were his but... Since she's not it's like we'd be free baby sitting and financial support. He doesn't feel that way. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Saintas · Dec 11, 2006, 01:09 PM

Tell me , If you had adopted one baby and you rise him many years you will consider this your child or not?

LadyNaja · Dec 11, 2006, 01:35 PM

That would be different. If that child were adopted we could raise it as our child. That's how I thought of her until now. As it is, it's her child, and she wants us to help pay to raise her while we get the child tossed to us when she needs a baby sitter. We were lied to. If I were had adopted her, I'd raise her like I was her mom. But I'm nothing, she has a mom. The ex wife has a boyfreind filling the roll of father figure. He's just as much a father as my BF. My boyfriend has no connection, other than a past relationship with the mother. But he still wants to be a part of this baby's life. Because he thought she was his and he's not. It's like she has a kid he really likes and he's turning his life upside down and not going to move so he can take care of her and continue to be used.

Saintas · Dec 11, 2006, 01:42 PM

No , is the same he , has developed feelings for this girl thinking that she is his .
Those feelings don't disappear erased with a sponge .There is something in his hard for this kid .
The ex ,is anther think -she play the cards with those sentiments for financial support .
But those feelings are genuinely I believe.

LadyNaja · Dec 11, 2006, 01:45 PM

Maby I should see a therapist or something to help me deal with my emotions on this issue. I feel so frustrated.

Saintas · Dec 11, 2006, 01:48 PM

On the fact that she use the feelings what he have to girl to exploit him or to those Daddy-girl feelings .Thats your question.

ordinaryguy · Dec 11, 2006, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by LadyNaja

Maby I should see a therapist or something to help me deal with my emotions on this issue. I feel so frustrated.

Well, yeah I can see why you're frustrated, but the truth is it's your boyfriend's back the monkey's on and unless he decides to do something different about it, you're stuck with it. I think seeing a counsellor for yourself is a good idea because eventually it comes down to whether you want to continue the relationship in spite of his involvement with his ex and her daughter. Everything else is his choice and really not your business.

s_cianci · Dec 11, 2006, 07:58 PM

How did he suddenly find out that she's not his? If he was married at the time of birth, then legally she is his, DNA notwithstanding and he has the right to claim her as his daughter without having to prove (or disprove) himself via a DNA test. He of course also has the accompanying responsibility to provide financial support. If, for whatever reason, a DNA test subsequently proves her to not be his, then he'll have to make his own decision as to how to handle the situation. In that case, I'd advise you to respect and support his decision, whatever it is, whether you personally agree or not.