[Chris0107]

Hi all, I am back with a fresh question and something that has been on my mind about myself, and seems to be a common problem with women. It's bothering me.

I have been doing a lot of self discovery and I am realizing this about myself, as I am sure other women do the same. I am not proud of this, but I am attracted to a**holes. I have been out with several sweet nice guys in my life, and I never feel a spark, and get bored quickly. But lo and behold, if a guy acts arrogant, cocky or even down right rude at times I end up liking them and those are the ones I want. The "bad boy" if you will. The guy who is unpredictable. The excitement? I don't know. Why does this happen?

The reason I ask, is tonight I am going out with a guy and he is great. Really nice and respectful. Shows interest in me, etc. All the while I am thinking ehh I don't really want to go. Wishing he would cancel etc. It's ridiculous.

I just wanted theories on this. I don't want this to happen anymore. I want to one day fall for a guy who will treat me the way I deserve. I fear that will never happen if I don't get over this crazy attraction to guys who are not deserving and who are jerks. Thoughts?

[positiveparent]

I would assume or think that you have some underlying self esteem and confidence issues, somewhere in your past you have subconsciously told yourself you're not good enough, or worthy of certain personality types wanting you around.

Some where in the past you've been rejected, made to feel inadequate, or similar and this is why you are attracted to the bad boy types, you don't think yourself good enough for the decent good guys.

You need to boost yourself esteem, and by going out with one of the good guys you could find that does this for you.

I could be wrong however, but it is usually for these reasons that Women seem to find themselves attracted to the bad boy type.

[Chris0107]

Some where in the past youve been rejected, made to feel inadequate, or similar and this is why you are attracted to the bad boy types, you dont think yourself good enough for the decent good guys.

You need to boost your self esteem, and by going out with one of the good guys you could find that does this for you.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your feedback. Although I am sure this is true from some, I am not so sure for me. See, I have went out with good guys who were sweet and great. It may have boosted my esteem, but feelings never emerge on my end.

[positiveparent]

I know where you're coming from I too went through a phase of having a liking for the bad boys myself, then one day I came across this really nice guy and it finally hit me that I didn't really like myself, and that was behind my finding the bad boys more appealing plus I did like the risk involved, and it was all down to my not liking myself enough.

[slapshot_oi]

The way I see it, "nice guys" aren't that nice, it's just a defensive mechanism.

A kid I know, he's 25, recently posted pics on Facebook of diamond cuts he was looking at for his girlfriend of three months. I'm certain this is his first girlfriend. He's a wicked nice kid, but you can tell he's lacking confidence, and that is his real problem. Being nice is just how he deals with it. If he was honest with her, he'd probably tell her he's only doing this because he's afraid a girl as pretty as her will never come into his life again.

Of the times I've been the nice guy and was dumped was because I believed I didn't deserve the girl. She was either too smart, rich, pretty for me or was still in love with an ex, so I over-compensated, stuck to the girl like glue and made a fool out of myself.

In short, it's not about who's nice and who isn't, it's who's confident and who's not, and confidence is attractive to everyone.

[positiveparent]

Confidence is a lot to do with it, I worked on myself for several years and in time I too became confident and self assured, Now I know Im worth more.

As a result I have the best and Im worth it too.

[TrueFaith]

We always want what we can't have, if something is given to us on a plate, its like Meh! Sure ill eat but I'm not going to enjoy it as much

My advice find out what's important to you and what you really want out of life

I think I know for a fact that the person you would want to rasie a family with is a nice sweet guy
And not a guy that drinks and shouts and is rude to you..

That's logic talking though. We can't control who we get attracted to.

Ones thing for sure though, the nice guys don't always stay nice and the bad boys can turn from bad to good real quick
So you never really know what's going to happen as we are all ever changing.

Keep going out with people enjoy yourself, you just have not found the right person.

Regards

[talaniman]

Bad boys are a challenge, as they don't give a crap, and do as they please, and they take no prisoners. They never cry, or seem vulnerable. All the things that make for a fun thrilling ride.

Nice guys are slow and boring, and sometimes to nice.

When a female wants fun, and good times, they get the "bad boy" When they want the rent paid, and someone to take out the garbage, they get the nice guy. Maybe you just wanted fun, and got it, but where hard pressed to get off the roller coaster, when the ride was over, and that happens a lot.

Not all females are like that though, some look deeper into the package, but lets be real, who gets the attention? Right, the guy with the loudest character.

[jmw0713]

I've wondered the same thing myself when I hear my female friends complain about the guys they are with... LOL! Then when a guy comes along who has his s--- together, they're not as "in" to him.

I'm telling you, it's the MTV/Real World/Jersey Shore/Hollywood syndrome. Drama makes the world go 'round, and if girls can't get their fill of it everyday from a d-bag, a-hole, loser, they're not satisfied. That's how I see it through me skewed view of reality.

You can be confident and respectful, or you can be confident and a jerk. The jerks are the loud and obnoxious ones who just want attention. Meanwhile the respectful ones are spending meaningful time with a co-ed of their equal and laughing at the jerk and anyone who falls prey to his "game".

[positiveparent]

I am not from that era and I also liked the bad boys, mind you I was a bad girl.
It's the thrill of the challenge as was said by Talaniman. Plus it was also a kind of rebellion against parents. LOL bad girl .

[jmw0713]

You still had movies that glamorized that type of persona. What would give you the original idea to rebel in the first place? Those movies were just as popular with society as "reality" TV is today.

I'm not denying there is a maturation process that we all go through, but I believe that a lot of our beliefs and views about relationships with others are immensely influenced by the media and values instilled by our parents. In my view media seems to be winning.

[Kitkat22]

Many women like a guy they think they can "fix". Never works..

[liz28]

My friend once told me she likes a**holes because they seem to have a higher confidence level over the nice guy. And as KItKat pointed out she believes that she might be the one who is able to change them. However, I hopes she wakes up one day because as she can see she can't. I don't think she understand that she can't tame a wild animal so she should just leave them in the jungle they came from.

However, I think she looks for love in all the wrong places and I don't know if it is because she didn't have that male figure in her life growing up but I really hopes she wakes up soon.

[Kitkat22]

My friend once told me she likes a**holes because they seem to have a higher confidence level over the nice guy. And as KItKat pointed out she believes that she might be the one who is able to change them. However, I hopes she wakes up one day because as she can see she can't. I don't think she understand that she can't tame a wild animal so she should just leave them in the jungle they came from.

However, I think she looks for love in all the wrong places and I don't know if it is because she didn't have that male figure in her life growing up but I really hopes she wakes up soon.

As soon as she finds out she can't "fix "them.. she may change.

[Dornraben]

Many women like a guy they think they can "fix". Never works..

And if it did work, they would probably get bored of this new 'nice guy', and look for another jerk to "fix"...

[Kitkat22]

And if it did work, they would probably get bored of this new 'nice guy', and look for another jerk to "fix"...

Exactly!

[positiveparent]

Ived never tried to fix another person because I know its pointless, if a person feels they want fixing only that person can do it, you cannot fix anyone else, and if they don't want to be fixed they won't fix themselves, confused.! I am...

My rebellion was I was always told not to date boys from a certain area of the town I lived in, so of course once of age where do my feet lead me, straight to that area, where those bad boys lived.

I rest my case, non intentional rebellion...

[Kitkat22]

Ived never tried to fix another person because I know its pointless, if a person feels they want fixing only that person can do it, you cannot fix anyone else, and if they dont want to be fixed they wont fix themselves, confused.!! I am...

My rebellion was I was always told not to date boys from a certain area of the town I lived in, so of course once of age where do my feet lead me, straight to that area, where those bad boys lived.

I rest my case, non intentional rebellion...

NO... I think we've all been there. I married and Divorced a "Bad Boy" only he could have been labeled "sadistic man". Didn't fix him. You're right.

[jmw0713]

As a man, I will never understand why women do certain things, why they think a certain way, or why they date certain people... So, I'm not going to try now.

Thanks for the balancer Kitkat.

[Kitkat22]

Men are men women are women and that's what makes the world go round.