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elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 10:54 AM

Maybe I should, I have tried but chicken out having decided there are more people in worse situations who need the time.

He doesn't, he does pester periodically to see him but only when he wants something...

I REFUSE to let him near my child and refuse to ask for money, if I took his money he would demand to see him on principle and I don't want him anywhere near us.

cindychick06 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:00 AM

He's is emotionally degrading you, and you should not stand for it. Do not be a victim. Tell him no and stand your ground. He will call you names, that's for sure, he will tell you whatever he can to get you to give into him. Just don't do it. If you want nothing to do with the guy and you can't seen yourself with him then don't give in and degrade yourself, your better than that I'm sure.

I was once involved in a relationship where they guy emotionally attacked me all the time. And it felt like every time I had sex with him, like I was being raped because I was in such disgust with myself being with him.

I would say that there is no forced entry here he didn't force you down and force you to have sex, so rape case is a no however that's not to say that he couldn't possibly get crazy enough to do that. I would get out now before it does actually happen... I'm sure you're a strong woman you can get through it, and I'm sure you don't want your son seeing what he is doing and thinking that that is an OK thing for a guy to do to a female. Just hang tough and stick to your guns hun! I'm sure if you do you will be fine! Good luck :)

NeedKarma · Jun 7, 2010, 11:00 AM

You really should stay away from people like that.

elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:02 AM

Do you think the fact I was physically abused by my stepdad (not sexually but violence - punching, kicking, hitting, general nastiness and bullying) for most of my life, do you think it would be the reason why I have no backbone against men? A friend once told me that it should have made me strongwer against men, not weaker.

NeedKarma · Jun 7, 2010, 11:05 AM

Possible. You add new information with every post. I do recommend some form of counselling.

elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:06 AM

Yea, maybe I should seek counselling. There was no forced entry as obviously in the end after my constant refusal and him pinning me down and refusing to let me get away I gave in, but that is just as bad I think, as he had every intention of taking it anyway, just how long it would have been for him to actually poush that one last bit further.

elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:07 AM

I know I add ned info lol. I just didn't want to write a big long post nobody would read, and to be honest, this is now making me think too much into it now so I am sorry if its all coming out!! Maybe a counseller is a good idea...

Homegirl 50 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by elle90

Do you think the fact i was physically abused by my step dad (not sexually but violence - punching, kicking, hitting, general nastiness and bullying) for most of my life, do you think it would be the reason why i have no backbone against men? A friend once told me that it should have made me stronger against men, not weaker.

This explains a lot. You think this behavior is normal and you feel powerless against it. But now is the time to take control
Leave men alone for a while and get some counseling.
You don't want this repeated in the life of your child. Children learn from you and if you are not handling situations properly, they will repeat the cycle.
Get some help young lady.

cindychick06 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:11 AM

Yes I do think that could be a reason, however you have to be the one to break the cycle. You have to be the one that say's no more and doesn't take the abuse anymore. Being abused is not fun, and it's easy for other people to tell you what to do but you have to be the one that actually say's I'M BETTER THAN THIS. Because you are! Don't continue to fall victim to their bullsh**, an don't let your son grow up thinking it is OK to treat a woman like that!

elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:12 AM

Okay, I will take your advice on board and seek help I guess. Thank you guys :)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:14 AM

You are welcome. Let us know how things are going.
I wish you well

elle90 · Jun 7, 2010, 11:16 AM

Will do, thank you x

xxlullabyxx · Jun 8, 2010, 05:45 AM

Yes definitely let us know what is happening.
I know you can do it :) xx

positiveparent · Jun 21, 2010, 10:19 AM

What this man did was technically rape, but if you went to the police and took it to court, then you would be asked why did you go to his home after the first time he forced himself upon you, so I would assume that would mean you wouldn't get far with any charges you made.

I understand you aren't wanting to make anything of all this, however I too wonder why you didn't just stop going to his home after him forcing himself upon you.

You didn't live with him, so you were in a position to refuse to go to his home.

As for the child as the Father he could apply to have access.

I suggest you don't go anywhere near this man again, you can get a court order to stop him harassing you if he is doing this.

I agree with others here get some counselling, and I also agree you having been abused by your father has probably caused you to have a low self esteem, you need counselling regardless though because any abuse can and does often leave deep scars that you'll need to work on to eradicate them.

Good Luck.

Alty · Jun 21, 2010, 11:04 AM

Is this the same guy?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...on-481577.html

elle90 · Jun 21, 2010, 11:15 AM

Nooooooooooooooo!!
Never! I have not spoken to the guy in this thread for a long time! That thread is a different guy.

I appreciate you are struggling to think how I could have gone back to him but it wsnt that simple.

I am emotionally and mentally weak to people at the best of times, and he completely abused that and cripples my head to the point for a long time I thought he was int the right, he made me feel I was in the wrong.

I was in such serious denial and in a bad headspace I didn't know what else to do, for a long time he just abused me without rape, he just pressured and pushed and carried on taking my clothes off or initiating forepaly and not letting me get away or move away. He carried on with some serious twisted games and guilt trips and played my every emotion and I wanted to believe it wasn't happening. Some of you will be un sympathetic I know but you cannot understand until you were in my shoes.

He somehow managed to convince me to come see him one last time ont the pretext of 'friends' to discuss my unborn child. I foolishly was still convinced we could raise the child as by then the actual incident had happened, I just thought it was a normal way of having sex with a 'partner' at the time... I realised a lot later it was not the case but by then I was already in the position for it to happen.

We met up to talk and he tried again, I refused, I told him I needed to throw up through morning sickness, which was truth, and tried to move away, but he wouldn't let me, he physically stopped me and started to penetrate me anyway no matter how much I said no and pulled away.

That was the last time we actually slept together, but as you can see, the whole relationship pretty much was abuse and then rape.

positiveparent · Jun 21, 2010, 03:04 PM

I do know how these situations can arise I too was in a relationship where I was forced into having sex against my will.

I was however married at the time to the person who was forcing me into these situations.

I hope you can get some counselling to help you get over these events, after all rape is rape no matter how it comes about if you say no and its ignored then its rape.