[britt123]

I don't pray anymore never really did

[Clough]

Also, God tells us many things by the way that things are and happen.

If you look deep down inside of yourself and ask God for an answer as to how you might best serve Him, you will eventually receive an answer. It must always be God's Will that is done, not our own.

[Clough]

probably at the beach with my kids

What was the feeling that you had when you were at the beach with your kids, please?

Also, would you like to know my most pleasant memory of a place?

[britt123]

I am not real religious and don't plan to be

[britt123]

Yes to your happiest memory of a place

[Clough]

Britt, there are times in my life even now when I feel alone. Many years ago I was in a situation where I was alone and had it not been for my child I might have contemplated suicide. But I didn't because i knew there were people who cared for me.

Your children may not be with you, but I'll bet you are in their thoughts. They know they have you and someday they'll come to you.

Being hurt is a horrible feeling...it weighs you down. Don't ever let yourself think about taking something so precious as the life God has given you.

God put you on this earth for a reason and when it's time for you to leave this earth it will be because he's ready for you.

Your children need you. God is with you and he will guide you if you will let him. I know you're hurting....I hurt sometimes too.
Everybody does.

Just know this...we're here for you. We'll listen and try to help you. Stay strong and pray and put this in God's hands....he'll never leave you. People may let you down and hurt you but God will never forsake you...Kit

I agree with everything that you've stated above, Kitkat22!

I would just like to add, that God is never late, but does things at just the right time, whether we have faith or not.

God speaks to everyone!

[Clough]

I am not real religious and dont plan to be be

Do you believe that there is a Higher Power of any kind? A person doesn't have to be religious to have that kind of belief as an understanding.

[britt123]

I believe there is something out there but I don't put any faith in it sometimes seems random no offence but I am not looking to find Jesus or connect with God

[Clough]

yes to your happiest memory of a place

It was 1984 and I was driving around in the city of Davenport, IA where I lived at the time. It was in the fall...

I remember how awestruck that I was at the beauty of the colors in the changing leaves of the trees in the early evening sunlight.

When I need to get away, that's where I go in my mind.

[Kitkat22]

I really dont want to offend anyone but I dont have a lot of faith in God right now I can't see why someone so merciful would let others suffer so badly

I can't answer that Britt... I only know every trial I have ever gone through.. has turned out to be a blessing. "The just suffer with the unjust", I don't know what book of the Bible that comes from but it's true. We all question God.. but he will answer our questions someday.

Suppose you do kill yourself and something happened to your wife and your children had no one? Would they go live with strangers? Grandparents? Suppose all of a sudden your wife decides she doesn't want the kids and you are gone? What then?

You won't hurt anyone but your children and yourself if you do this.
They'll have to live with the repercussions of your actions. Going to school and being known as the children whose father killed himself'
Children blame themselves when a parent does something like this and it scars them for life.

Guilt is a terrible thing when children carry it with them, even though it's not their fault. The children of suicide victims usually (not always) end up being in relationships that are harmful. Think about that and get some help with this. Look on a website and see how many children of suicide victims blame themselves. Tis is my opinion... Kit

[Clough]

I believe there is something out there but I dont put any faith in it sometimes seems random no offence but I am not looking to find Jesus or connect with God

Have you ever tried channeling your thoughts to what you think is out there?

I'm not even writing about being in prayer or faith here.

[britt123]

Yes thank you for talking to me I have to go

[Kitkat22]

yes thank you for talking to me I have to go

Talk tomorrow?

[Clough]

Maybe even in a little while?

So many things to share...

My wife and kids left me in the early 1980's. It's a long story as to what happened before and after that and what I chose to become in more than one way...

I'm still alive, though! And, I'll choose to be that way!

An old saying: Life isn't a destination, but a journey...

[Alty]

Hello Britt.

I don't think anyone on the face of this earth has gotten away without having some pain in their life. We all handle it differently, but we've all been in pain at some point.

My worst moment was when my parents died. They both died of cancer 6 1/2 months apart. I felt much like you. I didn't want to live. I woke up each day and the only thought in my head was that they were gone, that they'd never be back. I didn't want to leave the house because every place had a memory of them. Even the house had too many memories, them coming for dinner, playing with my son, helping us build the fence, put in the grass.

I was lost. The only thing I could do to escape was sleep. In my dreams everything was all right. Reality wasn't.

For over a week I didn't shower, eat, or talk to my husband and child. All I did was sleep, or yell. I yelled at a God I no longer believed in, I yelled at the doctors (even though they weren't there), I yelled at myself, I yelled at my parents. I was so hurt, so angry, so lost.

One day, as I was laying in bed, my son came in. He was only 2 years old. He put his hand on my head, stroked my hair, and said "Mommy, I love you. Please don't die".

That's when I realized that my life was more then just mine. If I gave up, if I let go of this life, I would find some sort of peace, but I'd leave everyone I love in turmoil. I'd leave them feeling just like I felt, even worse, because my parents didn't choose to leave, they had no choice at all, but my life was in my hands, and what right did I have to take it when so many people would suffer if I did?

I'm not going to preach to you about God. I'd be the last one to do it. I'm not going to tell you that things will get magically better, that the sun will come out tomorrow, that the flowers will bloom, that doors will open, and that life will be peachy keen and happy. That's not where you're at right now and that's not what you need to hear, or want to hear. I can tell you that you're making a judgment based on how you feel now, based on feeling that this won't end. You're wrong to think it won't.

I'm actually going to tell you what I think your kids would tell you if you follow through with you you want to do. I actually have a pretty good point of reference for this, because my Uncle killed himself, left his 4 daughters behind. To this day, they still don't forgive him, and that was 29 years ago.

Your kids will say "Why did you do this to us?","What did we do?" "Did you not love us at all?" "We hate you for doing this","I will never forgive you", "You ruined my life", "You are so selfish. You only thought about yourself".

Sorry, can't sugar coat it, because that's the truth. It's unlikely that they'll ever forgive you. You'll find whatever peace you think will come from doing this, but your children, the people that love you, will never know peace again. Is that what you want for them? Do you want the pain you're feeling times 100 to be placed on your children? Is that what you want to leave them with?

Counseling works, but you have to go, you have to find the right counselor, you have to give it your all.

Are you hating me a bit right now? Good. Use that anger. Tell me off. Tell me that I'm mean for pointing out that you'll hurt your kids. Tell me anything, just post, and listen, and get the help you need.

Depression isn't permanent. Death is.

I'll be here. We all will. So use that. You said we're good people. You're right. The people on this site are the best people I've never met. Use that. That's why we're here.

[JudyKayTee]

Search back through my posts - my best friend killed herself some years ago. Left a baby and a 7 year old. The baby has no memory of her mother; the 7 year old to this day thinks it's because of something he did that upset her. The 7 year old blames the surviving father so he "lost" both his mother and his father.

We could all trade horror stories here. Some people have been run over by emotional trains and are still standing.

I'll go back to what I said originally - I wouldn't give your ex the satisfaction. The best revenge (if that is what you are after) is going on to happiness.

As far as remembering the happiest moments in your life - if they involved your wife and children, probably not good things to remember at this point. Can you go earlier than that? Does something in your life give you great satisfaction or happiness?

I consider myself spiritual, not religious. I was raised in a very strict church and I find that I turned from that religion and did not find another.

When my life as at its worst (and I don't recommend this to everyone) I found my dogs (and I know this sounds stupid!) to be immensely comforting. They depended on me, needed me, relied on me and kept me walking.

I'm not going to preach to you - you have to find what works for you.

I agree with making notes, making a list - put all the good things in one column and all the bad in another. Then come back and share.

You knew your wife was having an affair? How did you think it was going to end? Are you engaged in a battle for visitation?

Do you know why she had the affair? Is the marriage beyond repair? She won't be the first nor the last to leave and come back - and I'm not suggesting it's a good idea. I'm just asking (because I have a "legal mind" and hang out on the legal boards).

[Wondergirl]

I wouldn't give your ex the satisfaction. The best revenge (if that is what you are after) is going on to happiness.

You said a lot of good stuff, but that statement was the best of all. Why give her the satisfaction? Why kill himself and thereby let her keep the power?

[Kitkat22]

You said a lot of good stuff, but that statement was the best of all. Why give her the satisfaction? Why kill himself and thereby let her keep the power?

No one knows what you're going through but you. Frankly I think it's more honorable to live on this earth and go through the rough patches and the horrible times we all encounter and face them without giving up.

Your children are going to be the ones who hurt, not you. Your wife isn't going to care. If you have siblings or your folks are still alive they'll hurt.
It will only take you a moment or two to end it all... they'll suffer for the rest of their lives and that's a shame.

They already have a mother "with questionable "morals" and when you do this thing you're planning on doing...they'll be a total horrible mess.
Think of how your children feel and think about this, It's not all about you.There are little ones concerned".

[JudyKayTee]

I just noticed the "I have no money" language. What is the financial problem?

[Kitkat22]

I just noticed the "I have no money" language. What is the financial problem?

I would also be interested in why you have no money.