[Bjo]

I just started to see a counselor after a break up and I thought my issues were related to my family cutting me out of their lifes after my dad died. The counselor thinks that my brothers drinking and he beat me up twice is the issue. I did after that time go out with someone who after 2.5 years together then beat me for about a year. I must be blind I can't see how this is impacting a relationship 13 years later.

[valinors_sorrow]

I can confirm that impacts last much longer than 13 years for many many people, particularly if alcoholism or physical violence is involved. However, this issue would be best to raise with your counselor. It is my belief from my own work with counselors that you can undo or risk some of the work you're doing with your counselor seeking outside commentary on the particulars of that work. I know it may seem confusing to you now, Bjo, but if you just hang in there, it will be clearer later. You've only just begun. Don't let your confusion fuel any resistance to the work that is needed. I give every counselor I've seen at least ten sessions before I begin to evaluate what we are doing. If you find you simply can't work with this counselor, seek another but be very certain that isn't motivated by denial or your desire to dodge some issues.

[stlouisarcher]

I just started to see a counselor after a break up and I thought my issues were related to my family cutting me out of their lifes after my dad died. The counselor thinks that my brothers drinking and he beat me up twice is the issue. I did after that time go out with someone who after 2.5 years together then beat me for about a year. I must be blind I can't see how this is impacting a relationship 13 years later.

In addition to counseling, after discussing it with this person you trust, I would suggest that you attend some meetings of Alanon, the international support group for anyone whose life has been impacted by an alcoholic. I've been sober for over 11 years, long enough to know that family issues such as yours, relating to addiction, usually have roots that go back generations. And have a great impact on the present. At Alanon you will be introduced to the 12 steps, some guidelines for living that have saved many lives. Good luck to you and please remember that you don't have to solve your difficulties alone or all at once.