[positiveparent]

My Son is married and lives in a terraced house in the town, apparently his neighbour had a baby approx June/July last year, meaning she is now almost one year old.

My Son is becoming increasingly concerned because this Baby seems to be left to cry for hours, literally, I have been at his home and heard the child crying so it is not an exaggeration on his part, it seems the child cries sometimes for as long as 1-2 hours and has done since birth.

I know babies cry and that is perfectly natural, but not for as long as is mentioned here.

My Son is considering notifying the Authorities because he feels the child is being ignored/neglected.

Any suggestions on what to do about this please, it is beginning to stress my Son, he doesn't like knowing the child is being ignored and is worried for her health and well being.

He has approached the neighbour but they don't seem to be bothered.

Also this has been happening every day since she was a new born. Both sets of neighbours have expressed concern.

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank You

We are in the UK

[JudyKayTee]

He has done the only things he can do - approach the parents and notify the authorities (and cooperate with the authorities).

[redhed35]

In the UK regular checks are made by the health nurse on children,if there were signs of abuse or neglect they would have figured it out,of course children fall through the cracks,so in saying that,if your son is very concerned that the child is being left on its own or neglected by all means make contact with the authorities,however,I would advice to thread carefully.

My first daughter seemed to cry constantly until she was 3,I swear she broke my heart,and everyone else's who heard her, even my best efforts to settle her would sometimes not work,and I can assure she was far from being abused.

I do understand your concern and its good that people are aware in this day and age of children's safety,but do choose your course of action carefully,it may turn out the child is very well cared for and your son will still have to live next door.

[Jake2008]

My older sister was cholic, and cried all the time. I'm sure it sounded terrible to neighbours, although none, thank God, approached her and implied that something abusive was maybe going on. My mother would have been mortified.

Just my opinion here, but excessive crying may be caused by something that you are likely not aware of, nor your son, or the neighbours you have talked to. She could very well have visited her Doctor and/or the Public Health Nurses for assistance and information.

Why not give her the benefit of the doubt.

If there are no other signs of abuse- screaming, yelling, bruising, threatening comments etc. I would leave well enough alone.

If all you have to go on is excessive crying, that's not enough to put someone through hell with, with the authorities.

Just my opinion.

[simoneaugie]

My second child cried, a lot. My neighbor would come upstairs and ask if I wanted her to babysit for a while because the child sounded fussy. In so doing, she let me know that the crying was clearly audible and was bothering her.

[Fr_Chuck]

While there are times, ( god only knows about one of my kids when they were small) but if the parents are not "concerned" and give no reason, I would allow authorities investigate,

[positiveparent]

My Son and his wife have offered to look after the baby for them, they even took round a tube of bonjela to help with teething pains, they know the baby is a girl, but have only ever heard her crying or screaming, sobbing even, but it would seem no one has actully seen the child, just hear her daily.

The parents are drinkers apparently, and the Father shouts at the mother often possibly controls her, so I feel My Son is right to worry about this child's welfare.

It just feels as if its not quite right.

[Jake2008]

That's quite a different story you posted than what was in your original post.

Now they are drinkers (how do neighbours know that I wonder), and he yells at his wife, and possibly controls her. And nobody has ever seen the child. Maybe they just play a recording of a baby crying to throw you off, and they are really serial killers? ;)

This whole thing sounds strange to me.

Having a few beer doesn't make them abusers, having arguments where one or the other yells doesn't make them abusers, and statements like he 'possibly' controls her means absolutely nothing.

It is a lot of assumption, and very little fact. A baby of 11 months who cries a lot, could simply mean it's a baby of 11 months who cries a lot.

If he is concerned enough to talk to the neighbours, and to you, and presume the baby is not being tended to (although either parent could be walking the baby in their arms, pacing back and forth, or rocking her, which the neighbours wouldn't know), then he should stop guessing and do one of two things.

Maybe invite them all over for coffee and get to know them a bit, if they are willing, and get a better feel for facts, or, call the authorities and have them give them a visit.

[positiveparent]

Ive merely posted here what I have been told and mostly 2nd hand at that, I told my son and his wife I would ask others opinions and that's what I have done, however I think I am going to personally go see the neighbours and ask about the child, I know its not my business maybe, however, this is in my opinion how children end up getting battered or like Baby P murdered, then others say oh I would have done something. When the child is dead. My Son isn't an alarmist or a scaremonger, which Is what is bothering myself
I also feel its how most people are today that's behind my Sons hesitation in this matter, no one wants to get involved, there's no community spirit, Neighbours rarely talk to each other, unlike when I was younger we all knew the people who lived near to us or next door.

Also this child's parents do appear to be somewhat strange.and perhaps this child is in danger or is being neglected.

Even if she isn't by her being ignored as often as she has been she is going to have abandonment issues when she gets older, plus a fear of rejection even.

[QLP]

Well it seems to me that the dilemma here is that there is a possilbity that these people are not taking good care of the child but no real evidence. However, sometimes a gut feeling can be important and I can fully understand that you and your son would feel terrible if you ignored your gut feelings and then something bad did happen to this child.

I'm wondering, if you could get advice from one of the children's charities such as the NSPCC.

Stop child abuse - support the children?s charity - the NSPCC

I'm assuming that they have experts who have training in this sort of thing and can more accurately assess whether there is a real cause for concern before getting any actual authorities involved.

Unfortunately I have had no dealings with them personally so cannot give you information on how they actually handle things, it would be nice if there was anyone from the UK that could tell you that.

[DoulaLC]

If he and the other neighbour are truly concerned, I would have it looked into. HVs can be wonderful, but it can also be hit or miss and some are not up to the job. I've known some families who had very frequent visits, and others who were lucky to see their HV once or twice. Parents can also end the visits. As redhead35 said, some kids do slip through the cracks.

He can report his concerns anonymously and see what, if anything, unfolds from there.

[redhed35]

I realise your intentions are for the best,however in saying that,IF the child is being abused the parents are not going to admit that to a stranger,and will mostly likely close the door on you,IF the chid is being well cared for,I suspect the parents will be shocked that a stranger would come to their door,and in shock,close the door on you.

If you feel strongly about this,I urge you to thread carefully,if there are no obvious signs of abuse i.e. no marks on the child,she/he looks well fed,and clean,the authories won't take the child on your say so,they MIGHT investagate.

On the whole in my experience,unless the child is being obviously abused and even then,the authories try and keep the child with the parents,through family intervention and a social worker.

[positiveparent]

QLP You're amazing, you always seem to pop into a thread Im about to perhaps blow a gasket in and analyse it all so well.
Thank You
No one wants the child taken away from her parents, and there could be many reasons she cries so much, maybe the parents are experiencing difficulties, they appear to be more mature ( over40s) which could be something to do with it, many factors could be behind the Baby constantly crying.
If the parents are experiencing difficulties we may be able to help them by perhaps helping them get some professional advice or something.
No one wants to estrange this Baby from her parents.


However I do feel that if My Son does just ignore this child one day in the future something drastic may happen or something that had he maybe acted on he could perhaps have prevented.

[QLP]

I'm pleased if my comments helped at all. Good luck whatever you decide.

[JudyKayTee]

I will repeat my advice above (#2) - there are two choices if it appears the child is being abused - speak to the parents, inform the authorities.

Only your son knows the correct thing to do if there is even a suggestion of "what if there is abuse involved."

[positiveparent]

This has kind of had a happy or satisfactory ending, it would seem the parents didn't really know how to deal with the child, and were inexperienced at raising one.

I went to have a chat with them and I found this out, and I recommended that the parents contact social services and ask them to help or if possible to recommend some where they could go to get help and maybe some parenting classes.

I also said I would pop around to say hello whenever I go to visit my son, and help out if and when I can.

So hopefully alls well that ends well.

Thank You all for your replies.

[DoulaLC]

This has kind of had a happy or satisfactory ending, it would seem the parents didnt really know how to deal with the child, and were inexperienced at raising one.

I went to have a chat with them and I found this out, and I recommended that the parents contact social services and ask them to help or if possible to recommend some where they could go to get help and maybe some parenting classes.

I also said I would pop around to say hello whenever I go to visit my son, and help out if and when I can.

So hopefully alls well that ends well.

Thank You all for your replies.

Glad you found that to be the case... hopefully everyone involved will be happier once they have some support.