[MarMar27]

I have a question also, now that I am reading on this topic, I am going through a hard time with my child's father, Long story, but going to try to make it short, he wasn't there through my pregnancy, but I gave him the chance of being in the labor room he made a scene in the hospital to where security had to escort him out because I did not put him on the birth certificate.

He did not see my son for about two months after he was born, I was living with family at the time, so we started letting him come over every now and then. He started working (he never kept a job long) didn't give me much money. He lost the job for the same reason he always loses his jobs (his temper).

He has an addiction to marijuana, he use to use other narcotics as well as sell it.

He has a record, wasn't in jail for long, but was on bond. Don't know what's going to happen with that it's almost been a year, but it was for dealing in stolen property, grand theft of a firearm, and I believe parifinilia under 20 grams.

I moved and got my own apartment in 2008 gave him another chance to be a father, and was doing nothing with his life, no job, not helping, trying to come over all the time.

Finally I put him on child support because I was trying to get foodstamps and government help, after that, he kept showing up at my apartment banging on my door at all hours of the night because I started to ignore him and try to keep my son away from him seeing that he was not changing his ways. I took him to court for an injunction and they did not grant me it.

So I moved changed my number canceled child support cause I did not want to deal with him, so no communication for a year didn't see his son for a year until he found out I had a man in my life he went and showed up at my mothers door looking for my son. He was desperate to get a hold of me, so I called him. Had a long conversation, about how he has changed and what not, so I gave him another chance (shouldn't have). He placed his hands on me in my apartment in front of my son, did not want to leave my apartment, was going off on me because I was not doing him a favor, mind you, he was still not working, or helping, so I kicked him out and did not allow him over again, although he still tried to come over, and he is always calling me telling me he is sorry.

See basically it is like a cycle repeated over and over, he comes back apologizing about what he's done. He verbally abuses me since I was pregnant. He currently lives with his parents, he recently lost 2 jobs in a month for going off on the supervisors, He sees my son once a week at his parents house because I do not allow for him to take him or be with him alone.

I apologize for this long essay, but I am very frusterated, I have decided to not let him see my son anymore because he is not a good role model for him, and now he is calling leaving nasty voicemails and what not, I moved again recently so he does not know where I live once again.

Is this enough proof for court that he is unfit.

[ScottGem]

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

Its probably enough to limit him to supervised visitation, but not enough to prove him unfit.

And frankly, you could be in big trouble with the courts for hiding his child from him. He might have you prosecuted for parental kidnapping.

If you got a child support order against him, he's been declared the legal father. As the legal father he has rights. You are illegally depriving him of those rights.

[MarMar27]

How am I kidnapping my child when I am the one that has custody we have never been married, he has no custody, and I am the mother and legally work and maintain my child while he does nothing, that just does not make sense.

[MarMar27]

And also he DOESN'T or wouldn't be able to pay child support without a job so how would that give him any right? The only rights he can have is supervised rights, That's it. He has mental problems.

[stinawords]

And when did these mental problems begin? Was it only after you broke up with him and not before you decided to date and make a baby with him? I'm glad you went to court to establish legal custody that was a good first step. However, he is still the father. The court will not see that, oh my gosh I met this perfect guy and had a kid with him and then he got hit with lightning so he is a drug-head and abuser! As mentioned above if you have proof of all of this then if he wants visitation then they will most likely start supervised until he can prove himself to the court that he isn't a danger to the child. But you don't have enough to prove him unfit.

[MarMar27]

It is not my fault that he has chosen that lifestyle, that is past tense what happened then, he has not grown up and yes he started the verbal abuse while I was pregnant, it was not something I could control. I am not going to have the stress on my shoulders of worrying of him taking my son somewhere I am not having that. And also referring to your comment about us breaking up it has nothing to do with him and I, it has to do with my son and what is best for my son.

[MarMar27]

Well there is proof, my point is.. A bad father or mother, makes an Unfit parent, it's all the same thing.

[MarMar27]

Here is a legal definition for an unfit parent

The definition of an unfit parent is governed by state laws, which vary by state. A parent may be deemed unfit if they have been abusive, neglected, or failed to provide proper care for the child. A parent with a mental disturbance or addiction to drugs or alcohol may also be found to be an unfit parent. Failure to visit, provide support, or incarceration are other examples of grounds for being found unfit.

Yes I believe he is unfit.

[stinawords]

It does have to do with why the two of you are not together. I'm not saying that you made a bad choice in not staying with him but the fact remains the same that he wasn't this amazing guy before you got pregnant. When did he start using drugs? Before or after you were already pregnant? Things like that are what shows that it isn't all his fault either. Again, I'm not saying he is a great guy or that I would want my kids with him but then again I don't have kids with him I chose to have them with my husband (even though the first one was born a few days before we were married *gasp*). I stand by what I said as long as he has no order for visitation you don't have to allow visitation but if he goes to court for it you don't have enough to prove him unfit. All you can do is gather all of your proof of what you have told us and bring it to court with you so that it is limited to supervised visitation. It may not remain supervised visitation, it could become more if he proves himself to the court (not that he will).

[MarMar27]

I understand where you are coming from but I was young and immature at the time and so was he we were both living the party/crazy lifestyle, but I let that go after I got pregnant and I've dedicated my life to my son he has not, he also has recent charges cannibis possession and grand theft and stealing in stolen property. The courts would have to demand something out of him for example keeping a job for at least a year and getting help and stopping his drug use in order to even have supervised visits.

I am not saying I do not want my son to have his father I have given him many chances to be a father and does not prove that he wants to be there for his son, I am concerned for my sons safety and am doing the role of a mother that cares for her child, I want nothing but the best for my son.

[ScottGem]

Well there is proof, my point is.. A bad father or mother, makes an Unfit parent, it's all the same thing.

You are not listening to what we have been telling you. Its NOT all the same thing. To declare a parent unfit is a LEGAL issue and unfitness is an issue for a court to decide. Based on what you have said a court would not rule him unfit.

[ScottGem]

Where did you find that definition? That appears to be a generalization, not specific law for the state you are in. It states that those factors MAY be used its not a hard and fast rule.

So what is your goal in declaring him unfit? You claim you already have full legal and physical custody. So what do you want? You just said; "I am not saying I do not want my son to have his father...", but that appears to be EXACTLY what you want. Going so far as to hiding from him. And even if he does not have full legal custody he may have visitation rights and your hiding from him could work against you.

This site is about providing answers to questions, we try to provide accurate answers. Did you come here seeking such answers or did you come here to have someone tell you that you are right? You have gotten good and accurate advice here, but you don't seem to want to accept that advice.

I will repeat what I said. The way you describe him would limit any visitation he requests to supervised visits, but it would not block visitation if he asks a court to set up visitation. Getting a parent declared unfit is a means to an end, not the end in itself.

[cdad]

The courts would have to demand something out of him for example keeping a job for atleast a year and getting help and stopping his drug use in order to even have supervised visits.

I am not saying I do not want my son to have his father I have given him many chances to be a father and does not prove that he wants to be there for his son, I am concerned for my sons safety and am doing the role of a mother that cares for her child, I want nothing but the best for my son.

Whoever told you this about what the courts will do gave you absolutely wrong information. If he wants visitation and if it is restricted to supervised then its just that. They won't use the child as a pawn like you suggest. No they can't force him to work to see his child nor can they place other qualifications on it other then supervised. That is what supervision is for. To provide a safe environment for the child. And if you do want nothing but the best for the child start thinking in terms of "our" because the child is both of yours not just yours alone.

[ScottGem]

The courts would have to demand something out of him for example keeping a job for atleast a year and getting help and stopping his drug use in order to even have supervised visits.

I missed this in the first reading. Califdad is right, you don't seem to have a clue about how courts really work. A father is entitled to being a part of his child's life. Unless it can be proven he is a direct danger to the child the courts will allow visitation. If the courts feel that he may not be capable of properly caring for the child on his own (which appears to be the case) they will require supervised visitation. But the courts will not blackmail him by requiring specific lifestyle changes.

[MarMar27]

He is not capable of taking care of a child, he is a child himself with a criminal history as well (recent), I am sure I can prove him unfit as well as all my witnesses.

[MarMar27]

Calif, there are consequences for him not paying child support, I would believe so.

[cdad]

Calif, there are consequences for him not paying child support, I would believe so.

Child support and visitation are unrelated. Like I said its highly unlikely the courts would use the child as a pawn. Is this already an active order or your guessing?

[ScottGem]

Yes, there are consequences for not paying support, but cutting off visitation is not one of them. Courts have always kept visitation and support separate to avoid blackmailing a parent to pay.

Again, I must ask why you keep arguing with people who know law and courts when you clearly don't?

[MarMar27]

I have spoken to attorneys in the past and have gathered my research and common sense, He IS a DANGER to my son, I would not believe the courts would say he is a fit enough parent to take care of him.

And I am not saying I want them using my child as a pawn. No I have not put an order yet I am planning on doing so. And he doesn't keep a job because of his anger problems. There has been more than one occasion where a manager has had to call the police on him.

[cdad]

I have spoken to attorneys in the past and have gathered my research and common sense, He IS a DANGER to my son, I would not believe the courts would say he is a fit enough parent to take care of him.

And I am not saying I want them using my child as a pawn. No I have not put an order yet I am planning on doing so. And he doesn't keep a job because of his anger problems. there has been more than one ocassion where a manager has had to call the police on him.

Then you may have grounds for supervised visitation. The child support is another matter.