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cyndilynn · Dec 9, 2006, 05:42 PM

I am trying to find out about my bio parents. I was adopted at birth in Hayward California on Nov 5,1968. I have no information about my birth parents. I now have 3 boys of my own and I really want to be able to give them a heritage. Can anyone help me?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 9, 2006, 06:57 PM

Your heritage is for the fine and wonderful people that adopted you.

They are your "real" parents. I am adopted, my adopted parents were German and Swiss, so that is what I really am, that is my heritage.
My sperm and egg donors ( birth parents) were English and German but that is not who I am, or who I ever will be.

Once you are adopted, those are your real parents and you take their blood line and heritage, just as Christ took the line of Joseph, even listed in the bible as his line.

doggyluver · Dec 19, 2006, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by cyndilynn

I am trying to find out about my bio parents. I was adopted at birth in Hayward California on Nov 5,1968. I have no information about my birth parents. I now have 3 boys of my own and I really want to be able to give them a heritage. Can anyone help me?

I'm adopted to when I was a child I always asked my parents that adopted me about my bilogical parents. All they knew was that she had me when she was sixteen and my biological dad was gone.

jrussole · Dec 30, 2006, 07:45 AM

Cyn, many counties in CA have open record statutes available. I would check with your state as well as counties adoption laws. Also, I believe that CA has a State Registry that will enable you to receive information pertaining to your adoption. I know that this post came late. But I have yet to see another search angel on this site. Therefore, if you do lurk- just to see if someone could give you any advice what-so-ever, you can start with your state registry. Then I would proceed with ISRR. International Search Reunion Registry. And you can also request your non id information from the adoption agency, if one was used? You may also go to adoption.com, as well as many other sites that may be of assistance. G's list is also a good one, for example. Well, hope this finds you and you get your questions answered.

ScottGem · Dec 30, 2006, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by cyndilynn

I am trying to find out about my bio parents. I was adopted at birth in Hayward California on Nov 5,1968. I have no information about my birth parents. I now have 3 boys of my own and I really want to be able to give them a heritage. Can anyone help me?

I agree with Chuck that the heritage you give your boys is the family that raised you. They are your real parents and your boy's grandparents. Your biological parents contributed nothing to your heritage other than their genes.

That being said, there is a medical history issue that is important for your future and your boys. Your first step is the county where you were born. If you were adopted at birth you should be able to find the agency that handled it and get some info.

Your next step would be one of the many sites that help adoptees and birth parents get together when both want it. You can create a listing on such a site or search for your info.

Good luck

jrussole · Dec 30, 2006, 09:04 AM

And once again I have to disagree with the boys! You have two heritages as an adoptee. The one that you were born of and the one that you were adopted into. I value and honor both of mine. Although, never looking Italian I have researched my adoptive family line as far as I was able, to the 1600's.
As as far as my biological family I have researched my heritage to the days of Christ. Researching and requesting your heritage information is a choice.

Someone who is not an adoptee cannot or one that is -may not- value this point of view. But it is a known value shared within the Adoption Triad.

ScottGem · Dec 30, 2006, 09:09 AM

Mea culpa on this. Jrussole is right (for a change ;) ). An adoptee does have two heritages. And both can be very important to them. But the biological one should not take precedence over the adoptive one. I still say the adoptive family is the real one. I also still thing the most important part of the biological heritage is the medical history.

By the way, I also feel that any help offered here should be offered on the public boards.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 30, 2006, 09:17 AM

I will agree and disagree, in your post you said that you wanted this to give your children a heritiage, you are acting like you don't have at least one to give them.

You have a great one to give them, and the story of a chosen child, which is so much more speical than one conceived from a one night stand or one conceived for pure sexual pleasure.

So share what you have. And if you want to find some info, yes often you can find some limited info but in most states these records are sealed for the privacy of those that gavve you away.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 30, 2006, 09:09 PM

Ok all, I have cleaned up any off topic and all of the name calling, heck I even deleted a couple of my posts even though I never named called only gave opinons on certain actions.

So lets keep it civil and keep it on topic

Obviously I and maybe Scott disagree as to what is best on finding the adoptee parents. This is our right to discuss this view, others may discuss what they believe is best,

No more name calling... period

ScottGem · Dec 30, 2006, 09:52 PM

I think you went a little too far here, Chuck. There was a post where jruss indicated she had found the OP's birth mom. The name calling in that post should have been edited out, but the post itself should have remained. Since its gone, I would suggest that jruss PM the OP to help get them together.

In another post, you said something about adopted children not being permitted direct contact with their biological parent. I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, I think it goes both ways. Any attempt at contact should be handled by a 3rd party and contact information should only be passed when BOTH parties agree to it.

I also think that would be a valid use of the PM feature, since that gets into the realm of personal info.

jrussole · Dec 31, 2006, 04:06 AM

Yep, lets agree to disagree. This adoptee and her birthmother have an option to be reunited. And it is there right to do as such. I have pm'd the poster. It is up to both of them to contact me. I will be more than willing to reunite them and confirm that there is a definitive match. They are each seeking each other! And it is my hope that they each are able to find comfort within their hearts, finally! Or in the least, the adoptee to receive her medical information. And for this nurse and mother, that in and of itself is invaluable!

After all, finding the birthmothers post was just too easy! I mean literally within 2 minutes of searching- I found her! Each usual search takes anywhere from minutes to days to years to never at times. It is my hope that each of them contact me. Because, I am on the edge of my seat with anticipation and hope for a perfect match! Yet, only a definitive DNA test can determine when it's a private adoption. There is no usual trail of documentation other than the adoption decree for verification. And if both parties have altered copies for confidentiality- it may take a little time for confirmation.

For me, all it took was getting that first email pic of my birthmother! And learning of my medical risks, life changing! I had the documentation, but just the sight of her- rested the very core of my soul. It was as if I found my missing link. Or a piece of my life puzzle that was always missing. And without it, the puzzled picture was never complete. Just an amazing feeling and an amazing journey!

And finding her and her family didn't replace the mother that raised me and loved me! After all, it couldn't! That's why I help others. Riding on their coat tails of discovery! Because when those adoptees finally get their missing pieces of their own puzzle, it is what volunteering to help them and suport them is all about- love and understanding and not judging them, nor their first mother.

Gosh! It's always a nice feeling to Pay it Forward!

jewels0833 · Jan 2, 2007, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by cyndilynn

I am trying to find out about my bio parents. I was adopted at birth in Hayward California on Nov 5,1968. I have no information about my birth parents. I now have 3 boys of my own and I really want to be able to give them a heritage. Can anyone help me?

Hi there I am a adoptee also out of the state of Calif what I suggest you to do is contact the adoption agencey you were adopted threw and ask for a non id that is the first step and I will keep checking back here to see if you have received it and I can help you locate your bio parents OK? If you want to send me a email privately please feel free to do so my email is [email protected]
Hugs Julie Richards
Ps one piece of advice from one adoptee to another; "don't give up"

FeelSoNumbZombie · Jan 19, 2007, 09:56 AM

Please do not listen to any negative people in this world. Especially being an adoptee, finding your birth family, or the what if's.
You are an adult. Your birth mother and father are an adults. He/she maybe searching for you. And it is up to you and your belief system to decided what is best for you and your first family and to search for him/her. There have been many happy reunion's. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
There is an adoptee support group: Yahoo! Groups as well as many others. You can do a browser search on the yahoogroups.com website and or googlegroups.com website.
May I suggest you start of there. It is very helpful to share your experiences as well as read other's experiences who have undergone the same things that you yourself have undergone. I have. And receive support and assistance in your search process.
Also, most adoptees decide to register with www.adoption.com. If there birthfamily is searching for them, in all likelihood they have registered there as well. Just leave a current and update email address. Because it may take time and you don't want to miss the opportunity by not having an active email address if he/she does try to find you.
There are many support groups for adoptees as well as birth mothers, and adoptive parents. More and more adoptive parents are realizing the necessity of knowing and having good communication with their child's first parents. It is no longer taboo. And open adoptive the mainstream today.
Please check at the Yahoo! Groups site and put in adoption in the browser search. Select a group that will assist you in your state or the state of where the adult adoptee was born. You will see how many people are in the same situation as you are in. Not everyone is negative about adoption. Some are, and you have to feel sorry for them.
But I am sure you have lived quite long enough to realize there are people out there that just want to discourage you. Discourage you from wondering, discourage you from searching yourself, discourage you from your getting your information, discourage you from searching and reunion.
Everyone is different. Everyone's path in life is different. You may just find your first family waiting for the past 29 years to find you. Please do not let anyone make you feel that you do not have any rights to search for him/her and find out if they are willing to reunite and or speak with you. He/She is an adult now. You are an adult now. And you and they can make up there own mind. There are millions of adoptees such as yourself searching and seeking a reunion. There are millions of birth mothers that are searching and seeking a reunion.
Get the support that is long overdue with a support group. Register with www.adoption.com, you never know if she/he is desperate to find you. Register with ISRR, International Soundex Reunion Registry, ISRR . com , Index of Search and Reunion Resources. And find out if there is a State run registry were the you were born or if you can register with them.
Again, he/she maybe waiting for you to register. And maybe not. But you never know until you find out yourself. You have a right to find out. I have.