How Do I Get Him To Trust Me Again
:-[ I am a recently divorced mother. I met the man of my dreams during my separation about a year ago.
I have never been out with anyone else, nor been unfaithful in this relationship. This June I quit my job
Because of a lot of reasons at that time. I worked at a school and had an income until the first week in Aug. so,
I wasn't too worried about it for a couple months. Anyway, here lies the problem. It was the last part of October and still had no job. I was becoming very scaird and had no income. Things were getting so hard and my boyfriend of a year didn't offer to help (he's an attorney, but not making a lot right now). I would never ask for his help. I made a huge horrible mistake and I will never do anything like this again. I've learned so much from this. A friend of mine and I went out for a drink, we started talking and she talked me into going to this dance club (basically a strip club). It was ametur night. I had too much to drink and was talked into going up on stage to perform. I'm not like that at all.
I have never done anything like that in my life. I was married a long time before. Well, that night I walked away with $400. I couldn't believe it. I felt so ashamed and dirty and told me friend the next day. I'd never do it again. Well, I was wrong. I ended up going the next week the same time and got a job. I was making money that I never had in my life. I know money is not justifying what I did, but I'm just trying to explain to you all and being so desperate for money with a son. I could have taken a job for $7.00 at a fast food rest. but I didn't. I am 35, but look in my mid 20's. Anway, I lied to the love of my life. He found out acutally by his brother because where I said I was working, his brother showed up and they said that there was no one that name working there. His brother told my boyfriend and my boyfriend confronted me about it.
I couldn't talk, or even breathe... I started crying so hard and didn't know what to say. I told him I couldn't tell him right now. He left in anger and very upset. That was 1-1/2 weeks ago. We didn't live together, I had him over for dinner that afternoon when he walked out. I have quit of course. Been trying desperately to find something else. In the mean time, I have written letters, sent cards, went to church, prayed and prayed
Every day, and have cried until I can't cry anymore. I realize that I was a fool, and that is so unlike my nature to do something like that. I can't even believe myself when I think about what I did. So, please when helping me do be sensitive to me. I have been through so much this past year with a verbally past abusive husband, and the death of my mom and sister in the same year. I feel like I've went to hell and back.
My boyfriend of a 1-1/2 is so devastated that he has gone to a Psych and counselor is on Prozak because he is so sick that I lied to him and couldn't bear the thought of me doing what I did. I told him I was 100% faithful and I was. But to him, the thought of doing what I did is like having sex with 100's of guys. He has just basically emailed a few times. He will not call me.
He said that he still loves me but needs time. I'm worried that "in time" he will not love me. I am suppose to meet with him tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that is going to happen. He said he would call tonight but has not. How can I regain his faith and trust in me again?
I love him with all my heart and would do anything to prove this to him. I miss him and am so scaird of losing him. I wish I could turn back time and realize that
No amount of money is worth losing someone over. I wished I had just asked him for some money for bills even though I didn't think he had the extra with his business. If I didn't love him so much, I would be gone and say, Ok I made a huge mistake and would be on my way. But, I'm not. I told him I would wait for him forever if that is what it takes but, each day is like a week and I don't know what more I can do if anything.
Please help me and pray for me too. I am a good person, I have a kind heart. I love him so much and am so scaird. Thank you for listening and helping me.
Fallen Angel
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