[lms06]

My boyfriend and I had been in a relationship for a year and a half. I had had serious relationships before him, one that lasted for four years! But he is the ONLY guy I’ve ever pictured myself spending the rest of my life with. I truly loved (and still do) him more than anything and thought he would be the guy I married. Things were great! Of course we had our fights and arguments, but who doesn’t! He was everything I ever wanted, and I truly believed he LOVED me, not only did he always tell me, but he showed it in so many ways. Well all of a sudden about 2 1/2 months ago he broke up with me, we had a fight and he ended it and left (moved out…partially) At first, I was a complete mess and begged for him back, I couldn’t eat, sleep, concentrate, anything, eventually I decided it was time to give him the space he had asked for. He told me he just didn’t know what he wanted, well eventually (within 3 weeks) we were back together, and he had moved back in. Things were going perfectly for about a month and half until, once again, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We weren’t fighting, we hadn’t had a single argument since we got back together and out of no where he ended it (right after I spent about $300 on his birthday) He said he just doesn’t have feelings for me, that he got back with me in hopes of getting those feelings back, but it wasn’t working (even though he was telling me and showing me he loved me every day since we got back together) He said I’m amazing in every way, he just fell out of love with me and can’t find those feelings again, but that he once loved me more than anything. He knew how bad he hurt me the first time he broke up with me, and he knew I didn't want to get back together unless he was 110% sure it was what HE wanted, and what would make him happy, he assured me it was what he wanted and he wouldn't make the same mistake again... yet here I am broken hearted AGAIN typing this question.

I find it hard to believe that he “lost” his feelings, if you LOVE someone, those feelings don’t just go away! But I also find it hard to believe that he never truly loved me. He hinted around and told people that "I supposidly cheated on him, but then said I didn't cheat on him" I NEVER cheated on him, I didn't even TALK To other guys (besides family, and co-workers, and guys that I have to talk to, but nothing toward being unfaithful to him at all) I don't know if that's just what he wanted people to believe so they felt sorry for him, or if he honestly thinks I cheated on him... As he has commented about thinking I may have cheated, for example, he came home from work and said the house smelled like cigarettes, I have NEVER smoked, and dislike smoking, he smoked when we first met, and for the first 8 months of our relationship, and then quit (I was VERY proud of him) but anyway, he thought I had another guy there that was smoking, that wasn't the case, I get off work 1 hour before him, usually don't get off right on time, and most of the time I have errands to run, like going to the store to get stuff for dinner!! So, I honestly don't know if he truly believes I cheated on him, or if that's just his excuse to other people, he hasn't given me that as a reason for leaving me.

Anyway, we decided we’re going to live together (until our lease is up) and be friends/roommates. He specifically told me a few weeks ago he wants me to treat him as a friend and not cross that line. So I was, but he started being more affectionate toward me. And now it’s to the point of feeling like we’re dating. He kisses me, hugs me, holds me, we’ve been intimate several times, he compliments me, and lets me know what his plans are, etc. Yet, I’m still pretty sure he doesn’t want to be with me, and I’m confused! I know I shouldn’t do those things, and I should treat him like a “friend” but it’s difficult, especially if he innitiates it. I want to be HIS girl again. Is he using me? Is he unsure what he wants? Should I ask him, or will it just upset him? I mean, he did make it pretty clear he has no feelings for me…yet why does he act like he does, and show me that he cares? I know I should probably move on, but my heart is telling me to stay, and I would do anything for another chance with him. I would appreciate any advice! Thanks in advance!

[sackings_pepsi]

Close enough to my situation. What I can say is, let him move out asap! (hopefully you two are not living in same room) this will keep your pain and later it's even harder to move on and forget. I agree with you, Love doesn't just disappear, there must be something going on with him. Or something between u two .

[teastalk]

Is he using me? Is he unsure what he wants?

I think it is all of the above. I just recently had an encounter with my ex which sounds similar to your situation. Right after we broke up a year ago, I messaged him to see if we could get back together. He said that we were never going to get back together. I asked him in person what happened. He said his feelings changed. Yet at present time he was acting just as your guy did; started holding my hand, stroking my hair, etc. all out of the blue. I believe that all of this is very similar to your situation. Thus, I think your guy just wants to have "it" whenever he wants and he's got you available to him.

Should I ask him, or will it just upset him? I mean, he did make it pretty clear he has no feelings for me…yet why does he act like he does, and show me that he cares?

You should be able to have open communication with him and be able to ask him. Yet, if you ask him, I bet he'll close down like a stone wall. I believe this because it was my experience before this year. Like I said, I think he just wants "it" available when he feels the calling.

I know I should probably move on, but my heart is telling me to stay, and I would do anything for another chance with him. I would appreciate any advice! Thanks in advance!!

This is the same with me. I would give anything for us to be together again, but I know it won't happen because he's not willing. It takes two to make a relationship work. With one person working all the time, it will never work. Therefore, the relationship is just not going to work. As much as I wish mine would work, I wish the same for you. If he wanted you back in a REAL relationship he would ask and do all the things guys should be doing for his girl; making you feel comfortable with him, developing the connection between you, spending time with you, calling you, letting you know his future plans/goals/activity for the week, making you feel secure in the relationship etc. Yet, my best advice is for you to let go and leave. It is easier said than done. Best of luck!

[talaniman]

He wants to be "friends with benefits" until the lease is up and it's a red flag you better pay attention to when he lays out boundaries for you not to cross, but he does so when he is horny or just wants to.

You should leave while he is gone, and disappear, as he only wants you to stay to use you for his own purpose.

Its not his fault that you allow him to cross the lines of good behavior. Set your own rules and demand he stick to them. Leave soon, and be done with this situation.

[lms06]

Thanks for the replies! I appreciate the answers and for you guys taking the time to read my question/story, Sorry it turned out to be so long!! Thanks again

[JoeCanada76]

Do not need to say sorry. It is better to tell the whole story so we can get a bigger picture of what is going on. That helps us actually help you better in our answers to you.

I think it is better for you, to avoid heartache and pain is to move on. That it does sound like he is using you. What a shame. You seem like such a sweet girl.

I agree with Tal, set your own boundaries and rules and stick with them. He obviously thinks he does not have to and it is okay.

Its not okay, its called playing with your heart and emotions...

[liz28]

Listen the two of you are not together so why complicate things by doing the things the two of you did as a couple? This won't magically bring the two of you back together as boyfriend and girlfriend so I think you should just stop regardless if he wants to or not.

Now if he just started accusing you out of the blue of cheating when the two of you were a couple it could means that he has a guilty conscience or his insecurites decided to surface.

I been in your shoes before and decided to burn them because I realize when it was time to let go instead of holding on to someone when they wanted to just be free. So it is time for you to do the same and listen when he saids "he don't want a relationship" because you can't change that.

[lms06]

Thanks again, I finally gave in yesterday morning and asked him if there was a chance we might get back together, (like I mentioned he had been still treating me like his "girlfriend" by doing sweet little things for me, kissing me, hugging me, inviting me to his family functions, surprising me and buying me lunch, etc) So I had to ask! He said he thinks we should stay friends, I should've posted my question sooner, because this felt like ANOTHER break up, and even though I was a little emotional through the day yesterday, I'm doing a lot better now! And you're replies really have helped! But he's treating me VERY different, After he said he just wants to stay friends, I started treating him like a FRIEND, we were both at work (the worst part is we work at the same place, luckily in different departments) he was kind of mean to me through the day (in text messages), but when he got home he was TRYING to be extra affectionate, and kept trying to kiss me, and when I asked him why he said "I love your kisses" And then he said "Let's move to Florida and start over" I asked what he meant and he said "A new young couple in Florida" I quickly changed the subject, as it wasn't something I expected him to say and didn't know how to respond. But thanks for your answers everyone! It's easier when you hear it from someone else, I guess my own opinion was a little bias, ( I didn't know if I should believe what he's all of a sudden telling me, or believe what he told me for a year and a half) and though I may never really understand exactly WHY he broke up with me, or had a change of heart (actually I don't believe he ever truly LOVED me, because love doesn't fade away) even his best friend told me he doesn't know what he's thinking! So, I guess I'll never really know what I did, but I can be thankful for the great year and a half and learn from my mistakes, and make sure the next guy I'm in a serious relationship with (which will be a VERY long time from now) won't have any doubts, and we'll both want the same things out of the relationship.



*~You don't need strenth to let go of something. What you really need is understanding~*

[cindychick06]

[QUOTE=lms06;2379083]but when he got home he was TRYING to be extra affectionate, and kept trying to kiss me, and when I asked him why he said "I love your kisses" And then he said "Let's move to Florida and start over" I asked what he meant and he said "A new young couple in Florida" I quickly changed the subject"

I am super glad you posted this, I have a crazy ex boyfriend who was doing the same friggin thing to me. He broke my heart soooo many times. I thought I was the only one who was going through torture like this. He said this same Bulls*** about moving away to a secluded island just me and him and nobody else and BLAH BLAH BLAH... all the while behind my back getting my friends numbers and other girls numbers... your betting off getting rid of him sweetie!! He is only going to continue to hurt you, getting rid of my ex is the best thing I ever did... and I still am in love with him very very much so, and it kills me everyday, we cut communication completely because it was too hard to see him, and I couldn't see him as a friend it just wasn't possible. I wish you luck, don't let your heart get broken as many times as mine did!

[lms06]

Thanks CindyChick, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this, but very sorry you've gone through it too! I know how hard it is to love some one so much, and believe that they love you, and then just keep getting hurt over and over again, just for a chance it MIGHT work. I'm glad you stopped allowing him to hurt you! And I wish you the best of luck in everything you do and hope you find someone who sweeps you off your feet, and is the man you deserve!

[I wish]

Actions speak louder than words. He might say that he loves you, but his actions are clearly not consistent with that.

No need to bang your head against the wall on this one. Seems extremely clear that he only wants a friends with benefits arrangement. If he wanted something serious, he would mess around with your mind like that.

How can you ever trust him again?

I hope one of you moves out soon so that you can move on with your life. The faster you can implement the no contact rules, the easier it will be to get over him.

[Ash123]

How old are you?