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sunny_d · Sep 4, 2004, 10:18 PM

Ok, this is going to be a long one... so hold on here and bear with me please...

I have only loved one person in my short life-span (20, f), I had a 3 month relationship with him after knowing him for 2.5 yrs, it was long-distance. We ended it on good terms, he just couldn't take not being close to me, ours was a really really deep connection, we tried as hard as we could to not let our feelings take over, but after 2.5 yrs we just couldn't... anymore. He was and still is dear to me.

After that I got involved with someone who was more local, but ended it with him because we really did not have a future together. I realized that I am a complex person and that I still loved my first boyfriend.

He is still my friend and I have resigned myself to just having him as a friend, as in, I understand that he has a girlfriend now and above all else I want him to be happy, even if it means not with me. Him and I have known each other for about 4-5 yrs now, so I did take a lot of time away from him, the thing is, that above all else... I still love him.

Recently he has been flirting with me, as I pay no attention to him, I have been wondering why he doesn't tell me things like he used to before, if we are friends he should be able to, right? We have a mutual friend that hasn't known him as long as I have, and I wonder, why can't he tell me things like he tells her? Does he still have feelings for me? That's the only logical explanation I can get...

One of my friends said that he has always wanted to protect me, but he just doesn't know how to be in my life... I don't really understand that.

Don't get me wrong, I am not about to get back with him because he isn't here locally... I am just wondering how to let go without losing his friendship... as you can see I am a bit lost and don't know about this all... thanks all in advance.

Sunny.

elrp2 · Sep 5, 2004, 06:17 AM

Well, you can do this in the same way he has. It seems that he has let go and managed to maintain a friendship, so you can do the same.

You have to realise that in order to truly love someone, they must love you back... in the way that you love them. By the sounds of it he really loves you as a friend and would do anything for you but I think right now this is all that it can be. Whilst he has another g/f there is nothing you can do, and you have to tell yourself, as much as it may hurt, that he has moved on and you need to do the same.

Try turning this love for him, into a love of his friendship. There are still plenty more guys out there for you, you're still young and can go out to meet new people. Try getting a group of your girl friends together and having a really good night out, go to a bar or something (whatever you're into). You need to give other guys a chance to prove that they can love you and you can love them too before you limit yourself to one person.

If it's meant to be, it will sort itself out. But until then try to put him out of your mine, even if it is hard at first.

sunny_d · Sep 5, 2004, 09:08 PM

Thank you for the advice :]

At the moment I am just feeling really sad... I take it this will also just be temporary... at least, I hope so.

elrp2 · Sep 6, 2004, 01:20 PM

Trust me, it will be temporary. I think a good night out like I suggested before will make you feel tons better even if you're not in the mood. You'll be glad when you're out there having fun.

artistall · Sep 7, 2004, 05:01 PM

The probablity that you will lose his friendship is very low. Your main concern and focus at this point is moving on in your own life. You will find your path as he has. You will always have fondness for each other as you have shared very intimate times together! He may be experiencing a bit of mixed emotions right now so retreat from the situation and let him resolve any issues that he has concerning you and your former relationship. When the time is right you can share personal things with him that will open the door to a new level of communication He most likely will follow that course which you initiated and respond in a likewise manner. You will both eventually find comfort in knowing that you are there for each other. As experiences of your childhood have faded into distant memory so will these times fade. You have stated your independence and have established yourself as distant from the relationship so you are almost where you need to be! Move on and cherish whatever memories you may have. Sometimes friendships can be more meaningful than relationships. Occupy your time and energy elsewhere so you can grow! Dwelling on this issue can be detrimental to your growth and dibilitating to your emotional well being.