[MissIndependent]

My boyfriend keeps pressureing me into having sex, and I feel like I couldn't tell him no. How do I tell him no without offending him. I gave it up once and he did not use a condom and he did not pull out in time. So now he acts like he owns me. Help me please I don't know what to do. He says he loves me and sometimes I believe him and sometimes I think he just wants to get laid. I don't know how to handle this. He is going to be 18 when he told me that he was only 16. I am 15 and now it seems wrong. Please help. :'(

[mahi_val]

Dear, at your age, I think what you are feeling is natural. It happens to many of us. But now, you need to b clear about a few things and then decide what do you want? And how do you go about it? - like

1) what do you think of love or when you say he loves you, What do you expect him to do? for example, he should act nice, he should understand your feelings, he should care 4 you etc. Etc. Once you get these answers, compare whether he is fulfilling all your expectations from him? And
Would he continue to do the same in future (especially after some years)?
(possible answers: a: positive that he is fulfilling all my expectations and will do that in future even if I don't have sex with him; b: he may continue only if I have sex with him; c: he may leave after some time even if you have sex with him; d: he does not fulfill all your expectations of luv)

2) what do you think about sex. Do you enjoy having sex with him?

3) ru afraid of the concequences after having sex, like pregnency?

Answer 2) & 3) independently. It should not be that answer of 2) is no because answer of 3) is yes
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If your answers are -
1)a 2)yes 3)no -then you can have sex with him and don't feel guity about it

If its - 1)a 2)yes 3)yes - have sex, use protecton, don't feel guilty

If its - 1)a 2)no - then don't deny him directly but discuss with him about your feeling, he will understand because of 1)a

If its - 1)b 2)yes 3)yes/no - have sex but be cousious

If its - 1)b 2)no - re-think about your relations or your answer to question 2) & 3)

If its - 1)c 2)yes 3)yes - be very cousious, possiblly terminate your relations and try to divert your mind to other things like study, sports, entertainment etc - at your age its not necessary to have sex, you can have fun with your fingers if you want

If its - 1)c 2)yes 3)no - think of other options like above

If its - 1)c 2)no - terminate your relations and concentrate on other things

If its - 1)d 2)yes 3)no - you can have sex but you may feel guilty, better don't have sex

If its - 1)d 2)yes 3)yes - think of other options

If its - 1)d 2)no - you should not have any problem to ditch him
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IF THE ABOVE doesn't WORK, LISTEN TO your HEART AND LET your INSTINCT DRIVE you AND don't FEEL GUILTY about IT. JUST ENJOY.ALSO B BRAVE TO FACE ANY SITUATIONS AND CONSEQUENCES.

[hatelove]

Well I'm sorry to say this but what he is doing is way wrong... if he loved you like he says he does... then he wouldn't pressure you into having sex. And then considering that you are only 15 and he is 18... he can get in a lot of trouble for statuatory(sp) rape. Especially if he lied to you saying that he was 16. If you really like this guy then talk to him about it... and tell him exactly how you feel and if he can't respect your decisions.. then you don't need him.

[dwalex]

I am so sorry that you got hooked up with this example of the male gender to have you first sexual experience with. If he lies to you and does not respect your wishes, he iis not good enough for you. Move on now as it does not sound like this situation will get better and it could become abusive. In your next relationship make it clear that you are not "easy" and that you want to save the ultimate expression of your affection for the right time with the right man - which I hope will be your wedding night. This one event does not tarnish you as a person, but your future actions certainly can, learn from this and move on, better prepared.
Best wishes,
Dwalex

[chaz1797]

You know your young and have a lot to learn, but that is no reason for this person to take no for an answer, you don't need that in your life and you have a lot out there to see and do. Especially when he doesn't practice safe sex, get this guy out of your life and let him know why your doing it... Don't let it get out of hand and he begin to abuse you, you don't need that or him... Talk with your mom you would be surprised at how understanding they can be... let me know if you need more advise and best of luck... God bless

Chaz :) Life is to short and sweet to be with someone ho just thinks of sex there is more in a relationship to that.

[donna]

Cop on girl he can't love you at the age of 15

[confused2504]

Okay... if you are uncomforatble with anything then they are big alarms bells for you. You should not be pressurred into anything you don't want to. If this guy truly cared for your feelings then it would not be an issue.
My first took me forever, but all he would say to me was I'm ready when you are. No pressure what so ever.. it took me over a year with him to be ready. Some people are ready after three months. People are different. You just have to talk to him and say you do not feel comfortable and there is more to a relationship than playing horizontal hockey! If he truly respected you and your feelings this should not be an issue. If he still continues the way he is, then you need to take a step back and think is this all worth it. Sex is just one part of the relationship... if he thinks he can do whatever he wants with you when ever he likes, he thinks that he is getting some kind of control over you. You are your own person and do what makes you feel right. You are so young and inexpereinced in the relationship world and you don't need some idiot pressuring you. My best advice is to tell him how you feels. If he gets upset and angry with you then I suggest you really think if he is right for you. Personally if a guys needs to pressure a girl into having sex, then he isn't worth your time. I'm sure you a intelligent beuatiful girl who deserves to be treated right. Don't let this guy make you feel low. Put yourself and your esteem back in check and no you are better than that and if he doesn't like it.. tell him to hit the road because no one should get you to do anything you don't want to. Take care and I hope all works out for you.

[linz_legrand]

Wow I'm really sorry that you're in this situation. That's tough. I firmly believe that people should wait to have sex until they're married, but I don't think it's right to force what I believe in on other people. What you do in the privacy of you home (or his, or where ever) is totally up to you. My advice to you is to really study your relationship. Ask him questions -- if he loves you as much as he claims, he won't mind. If you think he only says "I love you" just to get in your pants, then you need to sit down and have a serious talk, or break up. I've never been in that kind of situation, but if I ever were I would just say that I don't think I'm ready to have sex yet and that you want to wait a little while longer. Tell him you'll let him know when you're ready. Put yourself in control. If he dumps you for that then you know what his true intentions were!

[artistall]

You made a huge mistake! Your boyfriend lied merely as an attempt to deceive you into a sexual situation! He doesn't love you but most likely needed to prove to himself that he is man enough to engage in sex and furthermore have something to brag to his peers about! His irresponsibility during sexual intimacy further proves his disconcern as to your health and emotional well being. A pregnancy at your age can ruin your entire life!! Sex is not a throw away toy and you need to view your body as something more than just a pleasure vehicle for the male gender! Pregnancies, STD's, and AIDS are harsh realities! Wake up and get real! There is nothing more damaging in the world than a lie because that is all it can ever be! Only Truth prevails in this world because it is infinite! Move on now and re-evaluate your standards in life and then stick to them no matter what! Men have other methods to relieve their sexual drives! Good Luck!

[opal183]

I'm sorry to say this.. but if he really loved you, he wouldn't have pressured you and he would have used a condom or at least pulled out in time. I have absolutely no respect for people like that. Sex is suppose to happen when its right for both of you, not when he gets hard on and is horny( sorry for the bluntness--i'm not meanign to offend you)... if you really love him.. you need to be up front with him and tell exactly how you feel, how it makes you feel, and etc etc. and if he pulls some some b.s. line kick him to the curb, I'm sure you could find some body who loves you for u

*GOODLUCK*

[Tudaisy]

Just to let you know doesn't matter when he pulled it out of you some sperm still could've leaked out... use a condom kids.

[Meb]

Firstly, pulling out does nothing to prevent pregnancy, I have no idea why some kids believe this. The fluid that is secreted before ejaculation has a higher concentration of sperm than the ejaculation does!

Secondly, run run run from this abusive and manipulative man. And yes I say man. It is a red-flag that he doesn't care enough about you to wait until you are ready or even use protection for that matter. And it is another red-flag that he lied to you about his age knowing that you only 15.

I really hope for your physical and mental well-being that you get out of this relationship. Anyone deserves better.