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glenn_T · May 27, 2010, 03:03 PM

Hi my name is Glenn, and I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and 2 months but we broke up its been 4 months for the reason that she stop calling or texting me for 2 weeks and I jump into conclusion that she have been cheating in that span of time so I broke up with her, but then I realize I don't want to lose her so I try winning her back but she ask for space and time and during the time of our break up she admitted to me that someone is courting her for 2 weeks and I don't know if she already fall in love with that guy or she still loves me? because she told me that she almost say yes to the guy but she tried to control her feelings that I'm the one that she loves but still she request for a time and space and there are times when we have to meet with each other but she always have reasons that her father called her to come to malls and other places I'm having doubts but I'm still waiting for her Iam confused I don't know if she really telling the truth or she is already with the guy who courted her but she is just afraid to tell me about him its been 4 months I'm still waiting for her guys please help me...

Torrid13 · May 27, 2010, 03:19 PM

First of all, you made a rash decision without knowing the facts. When you accused her of cheating & broke up with her, you shattered her confidence in you! I'm pretty sure I would be VERY hesitant to get back with you.

Furthermore, I doubt she is "in love" with this new guy. You two dated for a really long time, & with this new guy, she's probably feeling overwhelmed. Does she still have feelings for you? I'm sure she does. But honestly, would YOU want to go back with someone that doesn't trust you? I know that if I dated someone that long, I would be very hurt & probably bitter.

Respect her wishes for time & space. If she wants to talk to you & try again, she'll let you know. Don't force it; you'll just push her further away.

In the meantime, keep busy & try not to dwell so much on this. You made a hasty decision when you didn't know the facts. You're going to have to deal with the consequences of that. What's done is done.

Just next time, get the facts first. Talk to the girl. Make decisions when you're NOT swimming in anger, paranoia or sadness.

It will work out the way it's meant to be.

talaniman · May 27, 2010, 03:46 PM

Stop waiting and start doing your own thing. Nobody waits for months on end for someone to comeback.

she stop calling or texting me for 2 weeks and I jump into conclusion that she have been cheating in that span of time so I broke up with her

I would have dumped her too.

but then I realize I don't want to lose her so I try winning her back but she ask for space and time and during the time of our break up

That and what you previously wrote, are ground to disappear, not win her back especially after you learned this,

during the time of our break up she admitted to me that someone is courting her for 2 weeks and I don't know if she already fall in love with that guy or she still loves me?

That confirms your suspicion, and that time and space thing is a crock to keep you on hold while she sees if this guy is as good as she thinks he is.

That's why you cut the contact off, and disappear from her cheating life. How dare she!! You should never, ever even consider taking her back, under any circumstances. At least you can keep your dignity, and self respect.

Torrid13 · May 27, 2010, 03:54 PM

I'm confused. Were they courting during that 2 weeks AFTER they broke up, or during that 2 weeks she wasn't talking to him?

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

First of all, you made a rash decision without knowing the facts. When you accused her of cheating & broke up with her, you shattered her confidence in you! I'm pretty sure I would be VERY hesitant to get back with you.

Furthermore, I doubt she is "in love" with this new guy. You two dated for a really long time, & with this new guy, she's probably feeling overwhelmed. Does she still have feelings for you? I'm sure she does. But honestly, would YOU want to go back with someone that doesn't trust you? I know that if I dated someone that long, I would be very hurt & probably bitter.

Respect her wishes for time & space. If she wants to talk to you & try again, she'll let you know. Don't force it; you'll just push her further away.

In the meantime, keep busy & try not to dwell so much on this. You made a hasty decision when you didn't know the facts. You're going to have to deal with the consequences of that. What's done is done.

Just next time, get the facts first. Talk to the girl. Make decisions when you're NOT swimming in anger, paranoia or sadness.

It will work out the way it's meant to be.

I already giving her the space and time that she want, but its been 4 months already it seems like she's putting me on a string and I don't know if that's really the case? Im thinking she just playing around with this new guy and she still loves me she also admitted that I'm the one she wants to marry and that she still loves me but she was hesitant to come back I don't know what to do anymore? Im being paranoid and becoming judgemental of her actions, maybe she was just doing this to maintain our friendship?.

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop waiting and start doing your own thing. Nobody waits for months on end for someone to comeback.

I would have dumped her too.

That and what you previously wrote, are ground to disappear, not win her back especially after you learned this,

That confirms your suspicion, and that time and space thing is a crock to keep you on hold while she sees if this guy is as good as she thinks he is.

Thats why you cut the contact off, and disappear from her cheating life. How dare she!!!!! You should never, ever even consider taking her back, under any circumstances. At least you can keep your dignity, and self respect.

But she promise me that I'm the one the she really loves and she wanted to marry me and told me that she only needs plenty of months more to figure her self out? I'm confused already with this situation? and I don't know if I should take her back again?.

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

I'm confused. Were they courting during that 2 weeks AFTER they broke up, or during that 2 weeks she wasn't talking to him?

It's the 2 weeks after we broke up, its somewhere between that 4 months we're not talking...

CarrotTalker · May 28, 2010, 08:44 AM

4 months? Time to drop this girl. She is just trying to have her cake and eat it too. Keep you as a backup plan if this other guy doesn't work out.

If she wanted to marry and stay with you, she would be talking to you.

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 10:58 AM

Quote by CarrotTalker;
4 months? Time to drop this girl. She is just trying to have her cake and eat it too. Keep you as a backup plan if this other guy doesn't work out.

If she wanted to marry and stay with you, she would be talking to you.

I remember she told me that, It is hard to fight our own self and she's telling me what if I do that to you again? I can't keep on hurting you so I need space and time to figure myself out...

asking · May 28, 2010, 11:22 AM

So if the guy who was pursuing her was AFTER you dumped her, what was happening during the two weeks when you were so suspicious (right before you dumped her). What reason did she give for not responding to you for two weeks? Had you had an argument before that? Had you accused her of cheating before that? Had she asked for a break? Or did she just one day vanish for two weeks?

We need more details. Torrid and Talaniman could each be right, depending on what actually happened. I don't think a 4 month break sounds very promising. But I gather you two have been talking most of that time?

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by asking

So if the guy who was pursuing her was AFTER you dumped her, what was happening during the two weeks when you were so suspicious (right before you dumped her). What reason did she give for not responding to you for two weeks? Had you had an argument before that? Had you accused her of cheating before that? Had she asked for a break? Or did she just one day vanish for two weeks?

We need more details. Torrid and Talaniman could each be right, depending on what actually happened. I don't think a 4 month break sounds very promising. But I gather you two have been talking most of that time?

She just told me that she needs some alone time during that 2 weeks, and try to test me if I will approach her or will go to their house she just wants attention, but in my mistake I jump into conclusion that she has been seeing someone else during that 2 weeks that she never contacted me I try to call her but she's not answering the phone and also I try sending her sms but she also not replying to my text I also called her father because she's not answering he phone...

Yes we are still talking to each other and she keeps telling that just wait for me, I will be back for you, you're the one I love and I want to marry you
And also in that 4 months of break up there are also times that we see each other again and make out again in my apartment but we are not back together its just happens when she try to visit me in my apartment I don't know if she just using me for the pleasure of sex?

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 11:53 AM

Naw, she is using sex to keep you confused and waiting.

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 11:57 AM

But she said she have controlled her feelings with that guy and didn't push through because I'm the one she loves and what if all our suspicion and acussations are wrong? What if she just really need some time alone to think and find herself? She also told me that she will never regain my trust again and she started crying.

Originally Posted by talaniman

Naw, she is using to keep you confused and waiting.

You think so? so that it would divert my suspicion about her?.

jimseekinadvice · May 28, 2010, 12:10 PM

She's playing you like a fiddle... juggling two guys at once and your there just letting it happen. Sure she says she loves you.. but anyone can say that.. heck I can say I love you too? See? Easy?. what you need to understand it's the actions and not the words that you need to be paying attention to.. do her ACTIONS show that she loves you? I think not, otherwise she wouldn't have something with that other guy.

glenn_T · May 28, 2010, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by jimseekinadvice

she's playing you like a fiddle...juggling two guys at once and your there just letting it happen. Sure she says she loves you..but anyone can say that..heck i can say i love you too? see? easy?...what you need to understand its the actions and not the words that you need to be paying attention to..do her ACTIONS show that she loves you? i think not, otherwise she wouldn't have somethin with that other guy.

Maybe she had a thing for that guy but she told me she never said yes to that guy the guy just courted him...

I don't know if she's lying or she's telling the truth I don't know who do I trust now...

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 04:06 PM

Trust yourself, and have enough faith in yourself to not allow the actions of another to confuse you, and have the dignity, and self respect not to be played used, or confused.

I will tell you, when someone asks for space you ask how much, what kind, and how long. Make them be clear. Now guy honestly 4 months is a bunch of BS, and I would have disappeared the very second she asked for space.

A week end is space, going with the girls shopping is space, 4 months is a freakin' break up, and if kisses and lies is all you need to keep waiting to put it mildly, that is foolish. Heck you could have healed and moved on and been happy in 4 months. No Sir this is not love by any stretch of the imagination, and no way is she telling the truth about anything I don't believe.

If she was serious, what the freak does she need 4 months for??

You have a perfect right to ask her when will she be back, and deserve more than a "soon " for an answer. The thing I worry about from you, is you confront her, and express your displeasure at waiting so long, and she will stick her tongue in your ear, and your good to go for another month.

Not trying to be mean, but 4 months is very unreasonable in my opinion, especially after 4 freakin' months, you still don't know when, and if she will keep her word. That's crazy.

Homegirl 50 · May 28, 2010, 05:01 PM

This does not sound like the actions of a girl who loves a boy.
4 months? You need to get a clue and leave her alone.
She is playing with you and you are letting her. She is telling you to jump and you're asking how high!

asking · May 28, 2010, 05:42 PM

I wouldn't assume that she was unfaithful, but not responding to you with no better explanation than that she was "testing" you is not respectful or acceptable. Anyone would have found that upsetting.

I'm afraid her promises just mean she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or isn't sure. But, whatever her reasons for her behavior, keeping you wondering for 4 months is unreasonable.

Either she's ready to have a relationship or she's not. I say she's not and you need to protect yourself from further hurt. I would give her an ultimatum that you return to something like your previous relationship or go no contact. Give her 5 days to think it over and then if she can't answer, tell her you are going no contact.

DON'T try to figure out what her reasons are, as you will only torment yourself.

I am very sorry you have been going through this. It sounds painful and exhausting. You are entitled to some resolution soon. So you have to make that happen yourself.

talaniman · May 28, 2010, 06:20 PM

I honestly don't think she gets a choice any more. Make the choice for her, because if she is this way now, what will she be like later.

Jake2008 · May 28, 2010, 06:54 PM

You must have been suspicious and untrusting prior to the breakup. That kind of behaviour doesn't happen overnight. Was she untrustworthy, or was it jealousy or control that allowed your imagination to take over.

If she was untrustworthy, and you were suspicious, and judging from her behaviour now, I'd say the breakup was a good thing.

If however, she was always catering to your insecurities to convince you that she wasn't fooling around, that is a heavy burden to carry, and most would get worn out trying.

I see this as not so much the two of you getting back together again- to get married no less- but an opportunity for you to take a good hard look at how the relationship went, and what part you played in it ending.

If you are suspicious and jealous, that is something you need to change if you want any decent woman to be with you. I doubt that only you, or only her, caused all the problems, and whatever the problems were to bring you to the point of breaking up over a (maybe) other guy, most likely could have been resolved if you had communicated well with each other.

Learn from this relationship and move on is my advice. Stop flogging a dead horse, the relationship sounds to me like it wasn't going anywhere long before you two split up.