[precious921]

HI I am a birthmother to beautiful baby boy and I never told the birthfather that I had my baby boy while I was pregnant I actually told him I got an abortion and now 2 months after the birth l I did tell him! It wasn't that he was a bad guy he was a great guy especially when we were dating its just that things happen feelings change and we broke up back in jan.its just that I didn't want to raise my son alone and I don't have the finaces to raise a baby I def had the patientce and then I think I'm only 21 I want to go to school and travel and meet the person I will fall in love with and take care of a baby with ,well I told him a couple of days ago and he told me that he wants a paternity test and if the child is his he is not agreeing with the adoption and he doesn't want his son living with them... my problem is what if he contests the adoption.. I don't want things ruined between the adoptive parents and me.. I think they are going to get mad at me and then cut off contact with me but actually in the end if they did do that would just hurt them the most because what would they tell my birth son? So my main questions are does he have a chance at getting his son back? He also never filed for punative father registry!
And if he does get his son back can he keep him from me?
I'm really scared of this escalating though when it comes down to it I believe that if he really wants his son back that there is nothing I can do but I would like if he just participated in the open adoption with me

Does he have a chance at getting his son back

[J_9]

Precious, please be patient. The folks that may have the answer to your question may not be online yet. But I am sure you will get some fantastic answers.

[ScottGem]

I'm confused. You had the baby but want to give it up for adoption? And you already have adoptive parents lined up?

If that's the case, I'm sorry to tell you but you are in a bad position. The father has the right to order a paternity test. He also has the right to not agree with the adoption.

Your response to him would be, if you don't want to agree to the adoption, then you can have full custody.

[kp2171]

I agree with scott... it was hard to understand the adoption part of the story, but I'm assuming, like he did, that you are giving up the child for adoption.

He should have the ability to raise his own child. It is morally right, since you do not want the baby, that he gets the chance to be the father that he is.

Is he asking for the test because he wants the child or because he wants no part of the child's life?

[s_cianci]

He has a very good chance at getting his son back if that's what he wants. If you're inclined to give him up for adoption and the father won't consent, then the child is his for the asking. You can petition the court for visitation and you'd no doubt be granted visitation rights. Also be prepared to pay child support.

[jrussole]

Precious, I am gathering that the adoption is not finalized as of yet?
I would like to support you in what I consider a mother's ultimate sacrifice for the enrichment of her child. Especially since you have requested an open adoption. I believe that this was also a choice made in the best interest of your child.
Anyway, I would be open and honest with the adoptive parents. They will find out anyway if the birth father follows through with paternity tests and eventually sue for custody, etc.
The adoptive parents were aware of this possibility before adoption.
And hey, they may all end up mad with you. So what. The birth father has a right to paternity and custody. The adoptive parents have a right to know ahead of time, what is going on, etc.
Especially from you.
If you have signed over your rights to the child. And you want open communication, it is in your best interest to be as honest as possible with everyone involved.
And if the birth father wants to proceed further to custody and or foster care, etc. It is his right to do so.
Just keep in mind that in this situation, someone is going to be hurt. Either the birth father for not pursuing his options. Or the adoptive parents who finally are able to have a family. Just make sure it isn't you who ends up hurt. I am sure you have endured enough.

[Synnen]

If you were worried that this might be an option, you should have been honest with the baby's father from the start.

He has every right to a paternity test (and SHOULD have that right! ), and to custody of that child if he is indeed the father.

If you have already surrendered your parental rights, he can indeed keep your child from you, in some states.

There is probably no way to keep from disappointing the adoptive parents at this point, and really, the baby's father has every right to be mad at you--you lied to him! If that's the case (which it seems to be)... did you also lie to the adoptive parents about what the birthfather's intentions were? (or that he knew, etc). You owe everyone the truth, and you will have to deal with the consequences of what you've told people from the start.

Speaking as a birthmother... get some counseling, and NOT from the agency you are going through for the adoption. You need to understand EXACTLY what you are giving up when you sign away parental rights... something that most agencies gloss over when getting you to agree to adoption.

[Fr_Chuck]

Hello, you can not do a legal adoption without the fathers consent, If you lie and try to do it without, it is not a legal adoption and the birth father has the right to sue in court to void the adoption even if it has been a few years.

So you first have to deal with the father, and lying to him was not a good start. He has full rights to custory so he can even sue for custody to take the child from you, if you don't want the child.

He has the right
1. to a paternty test
2. a right to custody of child if you don't want custody
3. the right to object to any adoption of the child

So you give him a paternity test, you get him to sign off on the adoption as the father.

If you don't, no adoption will be legal and you can be liable for adoption costs for fraud by the adoption parents.

[troubledmaiden2255]

If you are cruel enough to have an abortion you really don't need a kid! I mean really!

[CaptainForest]

If you are cruel enough to have an abortion you really don't need a kid! I mean really!

She didn't have an abortion, she only told him she did so he would go away.

And who are you to impose your moral authority on this woman ever if she did have an abortion?

[jrussole]

Abortion, now where the heck did that one come from? This woman carried her child for 10 calender months, probably vomitted for 2-3+ months, woke up in the middle of the night due to getting sharp jabbs in her gut or having to run to the bathroom every few minutes, suffered through excruitating pain delivering that child, made the desperate sacrifice of choice to relinquish that child, for her sake as well as the sake of the child. And requested open adoption to insure that that child understands that he/she was loved. Was cared about. And that his mother desired a loving home with his adoptive parents. Abortion had nothing to do with it. Other than it was her choice to either cease the pregnancy and or deliver a baby for a couple that was probably desperate to have a child and couldn't. She deserves respect and honor for making such a difficult decision to begin with. She has endured enough pain and suffering. She made the right choice for her and her child at the time. Yet failed to find and or consider the father and his feelings in all of this. He has an option to be a father to his child. And I hope, he makes the right one.