[jasyrowb]

Im currently doing the NC thing, my question is if I see her family or friends out do I ask how she is or say anything to them at all?

[Wildcat21]

No do not ask how she is. You're busy. Absolutely talk with them - ask how they are doing - don't mention her.

And if they ask how you are - "you're great!!!!"

[kp2171]

I agree, be kind and respectful.

If they bring her up I wouldn't be rude, but I wouldn't pursue the conversation too much.

[4answers]

Just treat them as they are individual people. Remember they are innocent people who are caught in the middle of a difficult situation. They will not wish to talk about it.

So if you see them, treat them as a friend and say hi, if you talk ask about them.

As for your ex, chances are they will not mention that they have seen you and if they do the fact that you are not talking about her shows that you are getting on with your life. Which is the purpose of no contact.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Im currently doing the NC thing, my question is if I see her family or friends out do I ask how she is or say anything to them at all?

Shame you are still able to bump into these people but if they are mutual friends, then it is harder to do that sometimes.

I always believe it is better to drop off the face of the earth (so to speak) as this enables the healing process to progress slightly faster.

Remember also not to get caught too much in the concept of trying to win back the ex by No Contact..

So many here do that.. (and I have too)

Whilst getting busy with your life and showing her that you can live without her as well as with her in your life is a possible way of making her miss you, it is certainly no guarantee.

You need to open your mind up to the possibility that she may never come back!

Sorry, I understand you might not want to hear this right now but eventually (in time) you will begin to realise that this outcome may need to be accepted.

Early days for you though!

[chuff]

Everything said above. But I wanted to add that by not mentioning her and telling them your doing great, word gets back to her and she starts to wonder why and realizes you have a life outside of her.

[Allheart]

Hi Jasy,

Wow, that is tough having to run in to her family and friends. Of course you say hello and be polite.

If they do ask how you are, I think it would depend on the meaning behind the question. Is it the generic, Hi Jasy, how are you? or is the meaning behind it, how are you doing now that you are without your girlfriend.

Personally, if it were the latter, or even if it is the generic how are you, I would give a generic okay and move the conversation in a different direction. Even though they are her family and friends, you do not want anyone to carry any type of message back to your ex for you, whether good or bad.

I say this for many reasons, people, unintentionally, can relay any message not in the light you wished to be projected or better yet accurately, ever play whisper down the lane? The only one who would accurately protray how you are doing, would be you.

If in fact you are doing GREAT then by all means say that you are. But are you?

I would keep the conversation light and move on. Mostly because the only ones who have a right to know anything about your relationship ex or not, is the both of you.

As far as asking how she is doing, boy that is a tough one. To remain consistent with my thoughts above, I would have to say no. Keep the hello, light and generic and move on.

With all of that said above, you didn't go into how close you are with her family and friends, that may change some of what I have shared, but for now, this is just how I would handle it.

I do wish you the very best.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I say this for many reasons, people, unintentionally, can relay any message not in the light you wished to be projected or better yet accurately, ever play whisper down the lane? The only one who would accurately protray how you are doing, would be you.

I agree with allheart here. If you are going to mention how you are going, don't expect how you relay your message to be delivered in the same context and with the same tone that you relayed it to them (if that makes sense).

Sometimes people distort what is said in conversation to make another conversation more stimulating.

I would be cautious about what you say and how you act.

Personally, I would try to avoid any contact with these people. Don't be rude though and ignore them if they see you. Just try your best to lower the possibility of this situation occurring - if this is possible.

I still stand by what I said previously with the fact that I think it is better to drop off the face of the earth - Disappear. Not so you can make her miss you but so that your healing can begin.

[valinors_sorrow]

Unless there are substantial mitigating circumstances (like deeper relationships formed independently, or mutual children etc.), I think most people resort to placing their ex's, their relatives and the ex's exclusive friends into one big bin labeled "people I am polite to but that's all". So spontaneous meetings are therefore brief, pleasant and not very meaningful just as they would be for some terrible blood relative you wish you weren't related to. For the most part, everyone knows its not very meaningful too, I think. Show a polite face, who cares about the rest! Both camps can go away grumbling under their breath but what's the point of that??

[jasyrowb]

Thanks for all the advice everyone, alheart - I'm pretty close to her family and they are upset about how things ended between me and my ex, we also share the same group of friends so I think it will only be a matter of time before we do bump into each other. I think the best thing to do is try to avoid them if possible.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Include not looking at your ex's myspace in your no contact thing..

I just learnt this today!

Geoff - AKA: daniel-san

[Allheart]

Way to update your resume Geoff... nice going :)

[s_cianci]

Just be friendly and cordial as usual. Make small talk like you normally would, just not about her. Don't bring her up or mention her at all. If they try to "pump" you for personal information about your current love life, such as by asking you something like "So, are you seeing anybody new?", reply with something like, "Well, no, nothing serious, anyhow." In any case, be lighthearted and cheerful and give off happy vibes.

[chosen1]

Im currently doing the NC thing, my question is if I see her family or friends out do I ask how she is or say anything to them at all?

Depends how long the nc has been, after 3 weeks or so and see family ,its OK to ask how she is, but be short and sweet.