[eveamee09]

Everything you've said has made complete and utter sense. A lot of sense.

"Until he can define himself, you will never define the both of you."

He needs to find himself. He needs to work out who he is, and what he wants. He is definitely very confused right now as you said, and him being confused is just making me confused.

I will give him time. I will also give him space. To be honest I think he could really benefit from some counselling (it's benefitted me greatly in the past) and it would do him some good to talk about his feelings with somebody mutual who can help him work out who he is. I might suggest that to him, in a non-patronising way.

Thanks Talaniman. Those are some wise words! You should post on here more often lol. I will take everything you've said very much into consideration. I will think about the question you've raised about what changes and adjustments I am willing to consider, as that is an important one. Thanks again.

[eveamee09]

I am going away for a trip with my best friend now. I am feeling very positive about this. Him and I are going to go our separate ways and work on OURSELVES, alone, in order to become stronger and happier people. It will take time but it will be worth it when we get there. I am going to have fun, do everything I want to do that fulfills me and feel happy that he is also mending and trying hard to enjoy himself too. This is the best thing for both of us. We are going to work out who we are before we consider taking any other bigger steps.

Speak to you soon, enjoy your days! And thanks again for everything :)

[Kitkat22]

I am going away for a trip with my best friend now. I am feeling very positive about this. Him and I are going to go our separate ways and work on OURSELVES, alone, in order to become stronger and happier people. It will take time but it will be worth it when we get there. I am going to have fun, do everything I want to do that fulfills me and feel happy that he is also mending and trying hard to enjoy himself too. This is the best thing for both of us. We are going to work out who we are before we consider taking any other bigger steps.

Speak to you soon, enjoy your days! And thanks again for everything :)

Bye Eveamee... Hope you find happiness

[positiveparent]

Have a good time. Don't forget the sunscreen...

[positiveparent]

I think Talaniman made some excellent points and gave great advice.

Katie you are being very mature and accommodating in all of this.

Good Luck and have a good time away..

[eveamee09]

Hi guys, how is everyone? I've arrived back home from my trip today, although rather unexpectedly early as I had a bit of a problem with my eyes yesterday so had to go to Accident & Emergency at the hospital to have all that sorted out! Luckily my best friend was there with me and I'm feeling much better now so glad that's all sorted!

Thanks for your above messages. Nothing more to update you on really, I am still doing what I said in my last post and probably will be doing that for a while... obviously I worry about him daily (especially when he rang me in a bit of a panicky state not knowing what to do with himself) but a couple of nights ago (the last time we talked) I told him about how important it was for us to learn to cope with our feelings alone (and with friends/family) from now on and get through the hard times without contacting each other, as that's just temporary relief from what is really going to be a permanent situation. I'm almost wishing the days away and hoping that in a few weeks he'll feel better and begin to feel happier and heal properly, but that can't really be rushed and I think I need to sort of stop hoping that we'll get back together and instead focus on getting us both to a stage where we could happily live one way OR the other, instead of almost anticipating some kind of joyful reunion.

It's hard though, as before I met him on Tuesday I was SURE it was over, and since Tuesday I've had this hope in the back of my mind and almost made a decision that when the time is right in the future we'll come together to talk and discuss and work it out and see if we can try again. I know that's bad, but it's comforting! I suppose there's always the chance that he might not even WANT to as by that stage he'll be over it and have been hurt too much to go back to it all... but who knows. This is hard!

For the time being distraction is the key! BBQ tonight and going to make some plans for dancing in the week! Trying to keep busy :) x

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie wow that was a quick holiday or was it just a spur of the moment thing?

Been great weather though, so you picked the right time to go.

Just play it by ear one day at a time, and your inner voice will help guide you.

Anyway Pleased you're back. Have a good time at BarBQue.

Speak soon...

[eveamee09]

Hey Marianne. Yes it was just a short break to show Catherine around my University! Glad you're well, yes the weather's fantastic! Been sunbathing in the garden all day in my favourite bikini, hehe! Hope you're been enjoying it too.

Not sure if you received my email, but I'm feeling more positive today and am so pleased I managed to fight the urge to call him! I was actually hunting around for my phone in a bit of a state yesterday but luckily I couldn't find it so went to Catherine's house instead. Very glad about that. I'll think of that next time I have the urge!

Best wishes and hope you're okay too Kit :) x

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie, received your email haven't got around to replying yet, will do though later.

Anyway I am pleased you're over the bad time of earlier, and Ill always be around if you ever need me you know how to contact me in a hurry so do that anytime you feel you need urgent help, Im only a text away.

You're doing really well so don't despair this will get easier.

Yes I too have been enjoying the sun, spend most of the day in the pool, keeping cool. Loving this weather love the sunshine.

[positiveparent]

In case Katie comes to the site, I hope you're doing OK, and coming to terms with all that's gone on with you and your b/f of late.

You know you can still come here and get things off your chest anytime you want to, we are always here for you.

Also you know how to contact me if you need some support and Im offline, you have my number, text anytime.

Hope you're OK, let us know how its going.

Im assuming no news is good news .

[eveamee09]

Incase Katie comes to the site, I hope youre doing OK, and coming to terms with all thats gone on with you and your b/f of late.

You know you can still come here and get things off your chest anytime you want to, we are always here for you.

Also you know how to contact me if you need some support and Im offline, you have my number, text anytime.

Hope youre OK, let us know how its going.

Im assuming no news is good news .

Hello Marianne,

Nice to hear from you. I'm okay thank you, getting by, slowly but surely! It's a rather long story since we last spoke but basically him and I agreed to gradually give it another try and take our time with things, and then exactly 4 days after we met up for our first day out he did something completely ridiculous that I won't even go in to, but that spelled out to me that he is not right for me at this moment in time and that even though he's trying to change things like his aggression towards other men he's just not quite capable of it. He doesn't even see that he has got an aggression problem that's as serious as it is. See, on top of all these other controlling issues, there's also this one. So I refused to speak to him after that day that he did this silly thing, he came round to the house a few days later to try to talk to me but I told him that it was over and even though he got upset, my Mum told him to go. He did then go but sent me a birthday card on my birthday and best wishes and that he respected my decision to break contact and not be together anymore.

It was 2 weeks ago today that the incident happened and a week since my birthday, and I'm actually okay. I think about him and our memories all the time and miss him a lot but I've changed my phone number and have come to terms with the fact that enough is enough now - we are not right for each other. I am hoping now that he will refrain from trying to contact me (he hasn't tried so far) and that he's accepted it's over and we can both just move on.

So yes, that's where I'm at. A bit teary at times but actually rather positive, I think this is the right decision, I was doubting everything a few weeks ago as my previous posts show but after this thing that happened I'm sure and feel better for it. Am spending my time meeting up with friends, starting new dance classes (salsa on Sunday!) and my new volunteer work starts on Monday. So the future is bright! Holiday to Spain in August and then Uni in September, I have a lot to look forward to. I am being positive Marianne, you'd be pleased! Haha!

I hope you're well too and that your family are okay. Are you enjoying your summer so far? And Kit, you're also still about? I haven't spoken to Kit in ages either! I speak to Prowaker quite a lot on Facebook and he's doing fine (girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him, remember?) He's getting on quite well in case you were interested to know.

Thanks for your wishes, I'll come back on here soon. Katie :)

[Kitkat22]

Hello Marianne,

Nice to hear from you. I'm okay thank you, getting by, slowly but surely! It's a rather long story since we last spoke but basically him and I agreed to gradually give it another try and take our time with things, and then exactly 4 days after we met up for our first day out he did something completely ridiculous that I won't even go in to, but that spelled out to me that he is not right for me at this moment in time and that even though he's trying to change things like his aggression towards other men he's just not quite capable of it. He doesn't even see that he has got an aggression problem that's as serious as it is. See, on top of all these other controlling issues, there's also this one. So I refused to speak to him after that day that he did this silly thing, he came round to the house a few days later to try to talk to me but I told him that it was over and even though he got upset, my Mum told him to go. He did then go but sent me a birthday card on my birthday and best wishes and that he respected my decision to break contact and not be together anymore.

It was 2 weeks ago today that the incident happened and a week since my birthday, and I'm actually okay. I think about him and our memories all the time and miss him a lot but I've changed my phone number and have come to terms with the fact that enough is enough now - we are not right for each other. I am hoping now that he will refrain from trying to contact me (he hasn't tried so far) and that he's accepted it's over and we can both just move on.

So yes, that's where I'm at. A bit teary at times but actually rather positive, I think this is the right decision, I was doubting everything a few weeks ago as my previous posts show but after this thing that happened I'm sure and feel better for it. Am spending my time meeting up with friends, starting new dance classes (salsa on Sunday!) and my new volunteer work starts on Monday. So the future is bright! Holiday to Spain in August and then Uni in September, I have a lot to look forward to. I am being positive Marianne, you'd be pleased! Haha!!

I hope you're well too and that your family are okay. Are you enjoying your summer so far? And Kit, you're also still about?! I haven't spoken to Kit in ages either! I speak to Prowaker quite a lot on facebook and he's doing fine (girlfriend of 4 years broke up with him, remember?) He's getting on quite well incase you were interested to know.

Thanks for your wishes, I'll come back on here soon. Katie :)

I'm so happy you're doing better. Good luck on the Salsa:D... Kit

[positiveparent]

Hello Katie and Happy Belated Birthday to you, so you're a Cancerian, I had a feeling you're a water sign, Im one too Scorpio, we are a good match. LOL go figure.

Im sorry you have had a hard time over these issues with the b/f and it's a small consolation, but I really do feel you have made the right choice and you did so on your own which is even better, I know we can advise you and suggest to you what to do but ultimately it has to be your own choice to make it or break it. Which you've now done.

So as hard as it may be to cope some days you now know yourself that this decsion is the right one, and it will definitely get easier.

Im pleased to hear you're doing well.

Im also fine been enjoying the sun we've had here in England of late in abundance. Im off on holiday soon, we go to San Tropez have a villa there, we normally spend about 6 weeks there. We will go towards end of Augst.

Anyway Katie great to hear from you, don't forget you can always contact me via text if you have any really down days. Or send email to me and Ill come online for a chat with you. Take care because we care, Thanks for the update. Marianne

Tell your Mum I said hello Please.

[Fr_Chuck]

May I remind every one, this is not a chat or blog area, we are to be addressing questions, Please do not chit chat on the questions.

I am closing this one