[Stanghi02]

Hi my girlfriend told me she was past the in love stage of our relationship. See we just gotten back together after a short break up. It's been a rough realationship I'm feeling so insecure because she compliments Converse an always saying guys were looking at her like wow. I've been feeling like I'm in this relationship all alone an the other day she said she was past the in love part of the relationship but I love her so much an I will do anything for her. I've done so much an have spent so much money on her that now I think she is just using me. She said hurtful things to me and as much as I have done for her the very few times I said I can afford it she blows up, I stay calm an try to explain to her that I have bills to pay. She is so selfish an unappreciative that it's  ruin our relationship. She said that I always want her attention an wants to be around her so I went out with some friends she was calling and getting upset until I said I was about to go home. She don't make me feel loved wanted or appreciated. Im not controlling but I do ask her to be respectful. She's going to Miami in a few days wit some friend I told her don't stay out too late she said you don't tell me what to do it's my vacation.Yesterday she got all crazy with me because I told her she was spending unnecessary money I appologize but even after that she went on an on. So I sent her a text message say I'm sorry then I prayed about it and she haven't called me in almost two days. I'm not feeling bad at all maybe because I know I didn't do anything wrong but be a good man to her. What should I do now, I been thinking about her but I know I deserve better. Please help me cause I'm lost I love her.

[friend4u178]

Certainly sounds like this Relationship is a one way street , you seem to be doing all the giving and her all the taking.

Having said that you only get what you put up with and if you want respect I say you demand some or your off. Sitting around like a little puppy obeying her every demand is certainly not going to change the way she treats you.

[Stanghi02]

Thanks. I really want to be tougher but I'm really a nice guy when it comes to her. Honestly she have said so many hurtful thing to me that myself confident was gone. She have put me though so much pain. I really was thinking I should let her see how's her life without me. What's my next move how could I get her to treat me better and want me?

[friend4u178]

If I were you I'd start to pull back and don't put up with her cr*p. Don't be there every time she claps her hands and that'll make her realise she can't push you around , either that or she'll leave. If she does your far better off in my opinion.

[talaniman]

Disappear from her life because she doesn't seem to appreciate, or deserve you. I think if you really loved yourself as much as you say you love her, then you would stand up to her, and not take her crap. Sorry guy, but its you who have shown her how you want to be treated, and she is just doing what you let her. There needs to be consequences for her behavior, and disappearing and being unavailable for any more crap is a good way to convey you no longer will be her doormat, and you are worth more, and deserve a better female.

[Stanghi02]

Your so rite, I mean did I love her too much? I haven't call text or emailed her in about two days should I text or email her? I even had a serious talk wit her I told her how the simple thing she can do will make me so happy
Like a simple text message every now and then. When we talk she never ask how my day was all she talks about is herself all the time. My question is should I contact her?

[friend4u178]

My question is should I contact her?

NO , let her make an effort for a change.



And read the 1st line in Talaniman's signature , and abide by it.

[Stanghi02]

Thank a lot you been very helpful.

[SimpleguyJoe]

Yea man cut your losses, from what you told us she seems to be completely using you while purposely putting you on a short chain so you are nice and don't piss her off.

Imo it's only a matter of time before things go way south, at least if you break it off it will give her things to think about. Plus you would be amazed at how much easier a break up is when you're the one who does the breaking.

[Strength89]

If I came up to you and gave you the option of dating me instead of her, would you?

Now, if I told you that I'd respect you, text you randomly, give you gifts randomly, appreciate all that you do for me and have a two way street relationship with you, would you leave her for me?

If I told you that I can love you 546841685 times better than she can, will you leave her for me?

Now, if I told you that YOU can respect yourself, buy yourself gifts randomly, appreciate what you do for yourself, and have a good relationship with yourself, WILL YOU LEAVE HER FOR YOURSELF or will you hurt yourself for someone that isn't worth half of what you can do/give yourself?

Think about it, buddy. YOU control how others treat you. It's a tough lesson to learn but once you get it, that dead light bulb above your head will light the hell up.

Forget about her and focus on yourself.

Write a list of all the things you do for her and all the things she does for you and compare it. Which list is longer?

Write a list of all the things you like about her and all the things you dislike about her. Which list is longer?

Now, write a list of HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED and check off all the ways she treats you. How many checks do you have?

Would you ever allow a girl to treat your future son badly? If not, why would you let it happen to yourself?

[talaniman]

Do not contact her. Why should you?

[Jake2008]

I see this as a relationship that developed into one person demanding their needs be met, and another person filling that role. I don't see any happiness for you at all- so far.

But, that being said, this 'tit for tat' idea of she does this, so you retaliate with that, and she then does something else, and you do something else, and the point is what exactly? What will be gained by doing or being someone that you are not comfortable with, just to get her attention and hope that she will notice you. And in so doing, the relationship is supposed to be better after all the game playing?

This isn't about teaching her a lesson.

She can't be 100% faulted for you feeling dejected, hurt, confused, worn out, and used. Where does your responsibility lay in all of this? You say you love her, but just what is it about her that you love so much, that you would give up yourself to see?

She can't take all the blame for you not addressing the basic needs of the relationship. You have to accept some consideration to your own actions, in allowing this to go on, unchecked. Your needs are not being met, and hers are. Think about why that happened, and if it is possible that she is willing, and you are strong enough, to make some changes to allow for both parties to give and take.

If she is willing to continue to take, and you are willing to keep giving, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

Your question was, 'should I move on my girlfriends too selfish', deserves some direct communcation to her, about how you feel. If you don't see a way to communicate effectively, and she doesn't try, then you have your answer.

[Stanghi02]

I have had serious talks with her about how I feel. She said I want all her attention an she's not use to being affectionate. We are in a relationship I don't ask for much so I told her you should put more into this relationship because I feel like I'm the only one trying to make it work.

A few weeks ago I went out with my friend something I rarely do, she was calling texting getting so upset and jealous. When I saw her she asked me every Lil detail about what happened when I went out. It was a good feeling cause it seem like she cares then she said I'm going to start going out since you want to. Ok. One other thing she does she compliment guys, not just saying he cute but really goes on an on about a man, so I tell her To stop I don't want to hear that. I mean I rarely ever get any type of compilment from her. I'm just trying to stay strong I've followed the NO CONTACT rule for 4days now.

We haven't officially broken up yet but she haven't even attempt to contact me. She going to Florida tomorrow an I know she's excited about that maybe I will get a call after that. If she call or text what should I say to her?

[Jake2008]

I would take the time while she is gone, to have a break from her.

While you ponder what the future holds for you and her, try to be as realistic as you can, and put some thought into integrity, honesty, self-assurance, and confidence. That is the least you should expect from yourself, and from her, toward you.

Communicating needs and wants, and being able to talk without fear of ridicule and scorn no matter what you have to say, is a sign that the relationship has at least some foundation from which to grow.

If on the other hand, most of the information you learn about your partner, is what you have to guess at, as far as motivation and meaning, then you aren't even out of the starting gate.

Relationships are hard work! They just don't work because you want them to, or because the other partner throws a few crumbs your way and things are good for a few days. When you think long term partnership, you need to do the steps and accomplish a certain level of a vision for the future, that includes your needs, and her needs. And that means compromise and consideration for the other.

The work never stops because people are unpredictable, even when you think you know them well. The test is how much you can rely on the foundation you have built, in order to overcome the problems in the future.

[talaniman]

I think I would have disappeared a long time ago, and let her wonder what happened. For sure I would never allow the disrespect and humiliation that you have without standing up for myself.

There just ain't that much love in the world that requires you to give up your dignity, and self respect, for a little attention from a selfish female.

Work on repairing the damage she has done without her.

[Stanghi02]

Thanks so very much!! After getting help from y'all I realize now Im really not losing much. Now I can start saving all the money I won't have to give her

Your honest opinion from what you guys have read did I do anything wrong, was I too needy too sensitive or just too in love?

[talaniman]

Just a fool for love, but you are not alone in that. We all have been fools for love, and it's a painful lesson to learn.

[floaton]

It's not going to be easy but you need to consider your own emotional health and hard-earned wealth. $ is something I've never personally dealt with as a relationship issue but the rest of your post sounds very familiar.
It's OK to let go. It may hurt you and her but it won't kill either of you. You do deserve better because it's obvious that you have one very important priority about relationships. Respect. She seems to lack it. You don't. That's not a good match. Believe me... I just went through the same thing... yesterday. Stay strong!

[Stanghi02]

Thanks so what steps should I take to rebuild myself confident?

[talaniman]

Focus on building a life that you enjoy with friends, and activities that make you happy.

And read the stickies., and leave her completely alone. I guarantee, the confidence will come out of your ears, and you will fart perfume(?). :eek: