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schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:12 PM

21 yr old daughter, lives at home, works fulltime, goes to college part time; is dating someone she works with for a month and now wants to have a dinner at his apt, we as parents are nervous.

How do I handle this.

Wondergirl · May 23, 2010, 06:17 PM

Have they been on any dates in public, say, to a movie or out for a meal?

Fr_Chuck · May 23, 2010, 06:17 PM

1. let adult daughter live her life. You did say 21, not 15?

2. it is really none of your business and you handle it by butting out of her life at 21.

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:20 PM

wondergirl; yes they have been on 10 dates, he has just started holding her hand, and giving random hugs, no kisses, etc. my daughter and I are really close and we are very open with each other.

Wondergirl · May 23, 2010, 06:22 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

wondergirl; yes they have been on 10 dates, he has just started holding her hand, and giving random hugs, no kisses, etc. my daughter and i are really close and we are very open with each other.

Would he be doing the cooking, or both of them together? Is he any kind of a cook? Will he poison her or give her botulism?

jmjoseph · May 23, 2010, 06:22 PM

" A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

Let your daughter be happy, and live her life the way she sees fit. Just hope that you raised her right.

May I ask how old you were when YOU got married, and had children?

21 is a lot different than 17.

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:24 PM

Boy chuck a little harsh... she lives at home and I shared with her that I do worry because I know, if she had her own place I wouldn't know and I know she trusts so many people.. and well I don't want her to be foolish.

jmjoseph · May 23, 2010, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

boy chuck a little harsh....she lives at home and I shared with her that I do worry because I know, if she had her own place I wouldnt know and I know she trusts so many people..and well I dont want her to be foolish.

Did you raise a "foolish" girl? No, probably not. Have faith in your daughter.

May I ask again, how old were YOU when you got married, and had children?

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

" A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

Let your daughter be happy, and live her life the way she sees fit. Just hope that you raised her right.

May I ask how old you were when YOU got married, and had children?

21 is a lot different than 17.

I was 24 when I got married, 28 when I had my son and 31 when I had my daughter, got divorced after 20 years of marriage; I have always been very protective over my kids...

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Would he be doing the cooking, or both of them together? Is he any kind of a cook? Will he poison her or give her botulism?

LOL, no he would be doing the cooking, he made her choc covered strawberries and they were good, not what I was concerned about.

J_9 · May 23, 2010, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

I was 24 when I got married, 28 when I had my son and 31 when I had my daughter, got divorced after 20 years of marriage; I have always been very protective over my kids....

Times are different now. You have to trust that you raised her right. She is 21, she is an adult. Time to cut the apron strings and trust that she will adhere to what you taught her.

Being too protective will only get you in trouble.

Wondergirl · May 23, 2010, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

LOL, no he would be doing the cooking, he made her choc covered strawberries and they were good, not what I was concerned about.

Is she supposed to contribute food too?

***Added*** I'm not making idle chit-chat. If he has his act together regarding the food and other preparations for, say, renting a DVD or putting together a jigsaw puzzle, I would be much less inclined to worry. It's these guys who have no plans (except for one... ) that bother me.

ScottGem · May 23, 2010, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

21 yr old daughter, lives at home, works fulltime, goes to college part time; is dating someone she works with for a month and now wants to have a dinner at his apt, we as parents are nervous.

how do i handle this.

I'm sorry, but I'm with Chuck. As parents you will ALWAYS be nervous. But the way you handle this is by butting out. You tell your daughter, if you have to tell her anything, that you feel you raised her right so you trust her judgment. To do ANYTHING else is to tell her that you DON'T trust her.

You aren't protective, you are smothering.

Fr_Chuck · May 23, 2010, 06:48 PM

Yes, I worry to death at times about my 30 year old boys, and we are very open to talk and when they are making mistakes we have a open relationship to talk about it, and they with me the same way.

But to be honest while I may not approve, if she was going over to stay the night at 21, it would be her choice to make

At 21, if you are too controlling you may destroy a adult relationship with the grown child

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Is she supposed to contribute food too?

***Added*** I'm not making idle chit-chat. If he has his act together regarding the food and other preparations for, say, renting a DVD or putting together a jigsaw puzzle, I would be much less inclined to worry. It's these guys who have no plans (except for one....) that bother me.

I do not know; on previous dates they would normally take turns choosing what they would do, for this one he just texted her and said "I would like to make you dinner"

Wondergirl · May 23, 2010, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by schnauzerlady

I do not know; on previous dates they would normally take turns choosing what they would do, for this one he just texted her and said "I would like to make you dinner"

If they've been out ten times already, I wouldn't worry. He sounds like a considerate guy. But don't bug her for details when she gets home.

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 06:56 PM

Thank you chuck, I guess I needed to hear all this, my daughter is sitting with me as I read these comments of advice. No she will be home not spending the night, that would definitely no fly with her stepdad.

EmoPrincess · May 23, 2010, 06:57 PM

Your daughter is 21, she is an adult. I understand that as a mother, you worry, however you probably raised her well enough. Also, this is HER life. If she thinks you are being overbearing, she may begin to push you away.

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

Your daughter is 21, she is an adult. I understand that as a mother, you worry, however you probably raised her well enough. Also, this is HER life. If she thinks you are being overbearing, she may begin to push you away.

You are righ, thank you.

schnauzerlady · May 23, 2010, 07:37 PM

Ok, so I am suppose to let go, but then I have my husband telling me he is just trying to lure her in and is afraid for her; so I let her go and then I go out shopping for the night so I don't have to be tormented and more worried... I got two delemmas here.