[vishd]

I met a person online on one of those credible dating sites. It's a long distance one as we're about 3 hrs of flight away from each other. We were 'matched' in January and quickly realized we had a lot in common. It started with simple emails at the beginning but we've been texting and calling each other as much as possible for a good 2-3 months already. We even managed to meet up once about a month ago -- she flew down for a weekend -- and we had a great time getting to know each in person. Last week we've been working out our second meet up -- my turn to fly up for a weekend. So, everything seemed to be going well so far. But things changed quite a bit...

Reality is we are both working hard and happen to be going through some pretty long hours. We both had new jobs/roles in our hands. I've had to travel out for work a couple of times and sometimes it was hard to hold our regular chats (but tried to text each other as much as possible). This was about a month ago for me, and things have been more manageable since then. She seemed very understanding about all this. Now, its her end with long hours with some project deadlines for the next couple of months. She said she's been feeling a bit stressed lately. She mentioned that her schedule's getting more hectic and it would get harder to keep in touch. She added that she tends to get frazzled under stress. All this I mentioned is understandable. But, I guess she started to have second thoughts about us. When we started planning the second meet up, we discussed if and why we should move forward. We both understood that it would take a bit more time of knowing each other before any serious commitment. The night of this discussion we both said we would sleep on it to decide on the final travel plans.

When we talked next, we both agreed that we had a lot in common. I mentioned to her that we both seemed mature and understanding for the whole long distance thing to work out. I also said that I am willing to be flexible with her work schedule. But, she mentioned that she's still uncertain to move forward from her end. She said that it might become annoying (for both) soon and thinking practically, it didn't seem like it would pan out. Another concern she brought up was that she felt things might go slowly with the long distance thing. She felt that if things wouldn't work out, it would mean a lot of wasted time (talking for both sides). At this point, she sounded a bit definitive but felt not sure and wanted to hear from my end. I really didn't know what to say. I mentioned to her that I wanted this to be healthy for both. We both agreed that we had potential. But, I think the mature thing to do was to stop where it is. And, that's how we ended it.

I am obviously having second thoughts about this as I truly see a lot of potential. I mean, we have plenty of things in common. She seems like the well-minded and good-hearted person I've been waiting for. I feel like it would be a bit sad and regretful to let go of something so good. And, I've a feeling she's thinking the same. So, I starting thinking about proposing that we give it another try and thinking of ways to make it work. I could plan to go every/other weekend until her schedule settles down. Is that too much thinking? Need your advice :)

[talaniman]

If that's what she wants is to end things then that's what she wants.

LDR's are difficult to manage especially when no end plan is forthcoming. I say leave her alone and find some local online fun, or get out and see what options are out there in person.

[Devorameira]

I have to agree with Tal.

Long distance relationships are really hard, and since she's already decided that she doesn't have the time or desire for a LDR with you, then it's time for you to move on.

[vishd]

I understand your opinion and will probably do so at this point. But, given what I said about having second thoughts, I am thinking of waiting it out a bit and then reaching out to see how things turn out with work/life for her. Do you have any advice on how to go about this? Rest assured that I am not planning on holding any hopes or false expectations (or worse, stalking this person). I am simply considering giving it a second chance knowing that we both said we should 'keep in touch'.

[talaniman]

If she hasn't called in about a month, call her.

[DoulaLC]

You mentioned the possibility of traveling to see her every other weekend... is this definitely doable for you? If so, I'd bring it up to her. If she is so busy at the moment, even a relationship with someone closer would be hard to manage. Obviously distance adds to this, but you can phone, text, talk online, and with visits once or twice a month... perhaps from her end as well once in awhile, I see it as a give it a go situation.

What do you both have to lose really? Some time spent getting to know someone and having some fun with them for awhile... I can think of worse things! If it does work out well for the two of you, then you will have much to gain from the experience.

Being busy can sometimes be a plus in a LDR... you won't feel as though you aren't spending enough time with the other person just due to work schedules. You can both be putting the time you need to into your jobs without worrying that the other person is feeling left out.

LDRs can be challenging, but they can work out well... I just celebrated nine years of marriage with my "LDR" and we were an ocean apart when we first met... :)

[vishd]

Thanks guys!