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tigerkel · Dec 7, 2006, 08:55 PM

This is about my past relationship and I just want to know if I was emotionally abused or am I an obsessive relationship type person. It all started in 1998; I had met the "man of my dreams". So I thought. Here is the rundown:
We move in together, he accuses me of having an affair with the bill collector; which I didn't; he gets caller ID and hides it from me; he shows up when I am out with my friends after he tells me he doesn't want to go; then it progressively gets worse; he tries to keep my from my friends and family; we split in 2002 for three months, during those 3 months he tells me he loves me, misses me, blah blah blah, and I catch him in bed with some girl. I was pregnant at the time and ended up having a DNC done. He didn't come to the hospital. He even denied it was his. I was done; quit calling, everything. A few weeks go by and he begs for my forgiveness after he supposedly "kicked the other girl to the curb". We get back together and I move back in. I could never do anything right, the house was never clean enough, my job wasn't good enough, I didn't love him enough, one minute. The next I am the woman he loves most in this world. We agreed to split up again in November of 04. He came to me in December and told me he didn't have enough money for rent and would I let him stay until the first of the year. Of course I said yes, I love him and was still hoping things would work, I asked him to do things with me, spend the holidays with me and my family. He said no. But he went to his families and never asked me. He usually doesn't go to his families. Well January comes and he moves out, he wasn't saving money for rent he was waiting on the paperwork for the house he bought to go through. I never even knew about it. Yes I am bitter about it. We are still seeing each other after he moves. He is seeing all kinds of woman from 19 to 55. I am seeing nobody. But am accused of sleeping with everybody. I finally am tired of it and try to forget him. I meet somebody new. The ex kicks in my back door the first time this guy is at my house. Was he stalking me? How did he know? I asked the new guy to leave and told the ex to either let me go or be with me and me alone. He does neither. He keeps screwing with my heart and my head. One minute its this the next minute it is that. He has constantly been with someone else since he has moved out. But was still telling me he loved me and missed me. Kept telling me they where just "friends". I included him with me and the new friends I have made, he told me that if I was good then I could hang out with him and his friends at sometime. It never happened. I was only good enough to see when he wanted to "get something". He blamed me for everything. Fast forward to present. He actually got a girlfriend in July of 06 and I left him alone. 3 weeks after he tells me this, he calls me up and tells me he is done lying, sneaking, etc. etc etc. Never an apology. Just found out last week he started seeing this girl again and they had been intimate while he and I were. He has broken into my house numerous times and scared the crap out of me while I was in bed. I assume to catch me with someone, but he never has. Because I wasn't doing anything. I confronted him about this person he has been seeing and he says he isn't doing anything wrong that its my fault he slept with her, its my fault we argue. I even contacted her. She said she left him, that he didn't leave her like he said. She also stated that he has never "given up on her". How could I be so stupid? I have since changed my numbers. I am afraid he is going to come into my house again and I will find him standing over my bed. I am scared that if he does come back I will let him, I am depressed, I feel unworthy, it's hard for me to get up and go to work. Was everything my fault, maybe I deserved it all. Why won't he just let me go if he doesn't want to be with me? If he can be happy with her, then I wish that for him, because that is all I want for myself and him.

AKaeTrue · Dec 7, 2006, 09:08 PM

Sweetie, you've let this guy run you into the ground!
It's good you have chose to vent...
He is in the wrong, but you have choose to except this behavior from him, so in return, he expects you to keep excepting it.
Put a stop to it and move on... I know it may not be easy, but there seems like a lot of pain from your end and a lot of disregard from his.
You don't really want someone like him... do you?
Kae

Bluerose · Dec 7, 2006, 10:59 PM

Unable to get up for work? Honey, you are suffering from serious depression. Pay a visit to your doctor for something to see you over the next few weeks. And please don't let this guy back into your life, he is killing your spirit.

imation · Dec 8, 2006, 01:11 AM

Totally agree agree with akaetrue, get this creep out of your life A.S.A.P!
Get a restraining order if you feel its necessary

s2tp · Dec 8, 2006, 03:49 AM

Tigerkel

You are worthy and you do deserve better than this! This guys has been using and abusing you! You need to get a restraining order on him so the next time he tries to break in, call the police. This guy needs to know that you are done with him walking all over you!

I understand you may love him, and the fact that you just want him to be happy says a lot... but he is not the right guy for you! He knows what he can get away with and that you will always be there when he omes back. He enjoys this control over you. Us women tend to give excuses to men who hurt us cause we think maybe they didn't mean it, or maybe they don't know better... well they should know better! You have been faithful to him, but all he does is accuse you... well it sounds to me like his accusing you of his guilt. Hes trying to push the blame onto you... and you allow it.

Pick your head up, take some steps to get him out of your life, and find a nicer guy who will treat you right... then you will start to feel the difference of how worthy you are. You seem like a good faithful person with a big heart. You do not deserve to be walked on and constantly hurt. You deserve to have the same love you put out. You just need a little strength to get yourself there. Coming here is a great first step. There are a lot of supportive people with some great advice.

Keep your head up hun!

talaniman · Dec 8, 2006, 04:29 AM

Call the police and take legal action against him. See your doctor and take back the life he has stolen from you.A talk with a counselor would be great and I highly recommend it

tigerkel · Dec 8, 2006, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by tigerkel

This is about my past relationship and I just want to know if I was emotionally abused or am I an obsessive relationship type person. It all started in 1998; I had met the "man of my dreams". So I thought. Here is the rundown:
We move in together, he accuses me of having an affair with the bill collector; which I didn't; he gets caller ID and hides it from me; he shows up when I am out with my friends after he tells me he doesn't want to go; then it progressively gets worse; he tries to keep my from my friends and family; we split in 2002 for three months, during those 3 months he tells me he loves me, misses me, blah blah blah, and I catch him in bed with some girl. I was pregnant at the time and ended up having a DNC done. He didn't come to the hospital. He even denied it was his. I was done; quit calling, everything. A few weeks go by and he begs for my forgiveness after he supposedly "kicked the other girl to the curb". We get back together and I move back in. I could never do anything right, the house was never clean enough, my job wasn't good enough, I didn't love him enough, one minute. The next I am the woman he loves most in this world. We agreed to split up again in November of 04. He came to me in December and told me he didn't have enough money for rent and would I let him stay until the first of the year. Of course I said yes, I love him and was still hoping things would work, I asked him to do things with me, spend the holidays with me and my family. He said no. But he went to his families and never asked me. He usually doesn't go to his families. Well January comes and he moves out, he wasn't saving money for rent he was waiting on the paperwork for the house he bought to go through. I never even knew about it. Yes I am bitter about it. We are still seeing each other after he moves. He is seeing all kinds of woman from 19 to 55. I am seeing nobody. But am accused of sleeping with everybody. I finally am tired of it and try to forget him. I meet somebody new. The ex kicks in my back door the first time this guy is at my house. Was he stalking me? How did he know? I asked the new guy to leave and told the ex to either let me go or be with me and me alone. He does neither. He keeps screwing with my heart and my head. One minute its this the next minute it is that. He has constantly been with someone else since he has moved out. But was still telling me he loved me and missed me. Kept telling me they where just "friends". I included him with me and the new friends I have made, he told me that if I was good then I could hang out with him and his friends at sometime. It never happened. I was only good enough to see when he wanted to "get something". He blamed me for everything. Fast forward to present. He actually got a girlfriend in July of 06 and I left him alone. 3 weeks after he tells me this, he calls me up and tells me he is done lying, sneaking, etc. etc etc. Never an apology. Just found out last week he started seeing this girl again and they had been intimate while he and I were. He has broken into my house numerous times and scared the crap out of me while I was in bed. I assume to catch me with someone, but he never has. Because I wasn't doing anything. I confronted him about this person he has been seeing and he says he isn't doing anything wrong that its my fault he slept with her, its my fault we argue. I even contacted her. She said she left him, that he didn't leave her like he said. She also stated that he has never "given up on her". How could I be so stupid? I have since changed my numbers. I am afraid he is going to come into my house again and I will find him standing over my bed. I am scared that if he does come back I will let him, I am depressed, I feel unworthy, it's hard for me to get up and go to work. Was everything my fault, maybe I deserved it all. Why won't he just let me go if he doesn't want to be with me? If he can be happy with her, then I wish that for him, because that is all I want for myself and him.

Thank you all for your input. Bluerose I have considered going to the doctor, I am just scared to. I just feel drained and tired.

J_9 · Dec 8, 2006, 06:53 AM

Okay, here is my take on this. You are suffering from depression if you find it hard to get out of bed.

What this man has done to you is abuse, plain and simple. This is not love, this is the cruelest form of manipulation there is. You need to
Contact the authorities and get a restraining order before he does something dangerous.

THIS IS NOT LOVE!! This is a very volitile situation, he sounds like a very dangerous man. There are better out there, believe me.

Why are you scared to go to the doctor? See what this man has done to you? He has made you scared. This is not what love does. Love takes away fear in your life.

You also need to get into some counseling to help you find a healthy life. Please, get some help.

Bluerose · Dec 8, 2006, 02:55 PM

"Bluerose I have considered going to the doctor, I am just scared to. I just feel drained and tired."

Try, honey. Get a friend to go with you and make sure they listen to you. Pull all the strength you can and ask for someone's help now!

chuff · Dec 8, 2006, 11:41 PM

Yeah I agree that you must see a councelor like everybody else is saying but not only to help you with what this guy has been doing to you but also to figure out why you allowed it in the first place. There was something going on long before he came along.

emma154 · Dec 10, 2006, 10:30 AM

This man seems well weird. You haven't done anything wrong he just doesn't no what he wants and it seems he wants you to want him and gets angry when you don't contact him, if he comes round again then you should ring the police he is stalking you and you need to forget him and find someone else. Hope things work out for you

s_cianci · Dec 10, 2006, 12:56 PM

THis man is a dangerous person. You need to steer clear of him now and stay clear. Get a restraining order against him. If he breaks ito your house again then you press charges and he goes to prison. End of story. There's no point in even discussing all the "woulda-coulda-shouldas" that go along with this story. The point is, if you don't stay away from this guy now, or take legal action to keep him away from you, you're going to end up in a lot of trouble or dead.

URFRIEND · Jun 9, 2007, 10:24 PM

Just was wondering how you were doing?and if you have moved on?? did youever get help for yourself? i was also in a relationship qu ite like this but i had a son i had to get out of this situation.. i didn't want him to grow up and think this is how life and love is.. were are doing great now.. just hoping to hear from you on how you are doing.. stay safe my friend

newlablover · Jun 10, 2007, 07:43 AM

I think you seriously need to go to dee your doctor to get on some sort of antidepressant and you might also need to get counceling. This guy has been very abusive mentally and this is the only way you are going to "get right". I would also get in touch with the police about him breaking into your home, you need to get a restraining order on him before he does something physically to hurt you. Good luck honey, you are going to need it.

tigerkel · Jun 10, 2007, 10:18 AM

Hello,
Thanks for your concern. Yes I did get on anti-depressants for a couple of months. Right now I am great. I haven't had any contact with him since November. I am so much happier and healthier. My daughter is so much more happier. Now I just think back about how much time I "wasted" on the whole situation.

I am currently in a relationship with the greatest guy I have ever met in my life. He is giving, caring, HONEST, loyal and very trustworthy. I sure had my doubts about getting into something new but I couldn't blame him for something somebody else was doing, and I was allowing him to do. But he was very patient and understanding and he waited for me to come around. I am so glad he did. I KNOW he loves me. I can actually feel it when he touches my hand or hugs me.

Thanks again

newlablover · Jun 10, 2007, 10:47 AM

That's great that you found sucha wonderful guy!! I hope everything works out! Good LUck!

Latincandie · Sep 27, 2007, 04:02 PM

This is my first time in this web site, but it called my attention this case...

Is obvious, you are in depression like other said but I didn't see neither one said HE IS A STAlKER and you must to be very careful. People like that you don't know how they will react.

Also, he do not love you... maybe he likes the sex with you.. plain and simple and real love is not sex. So, Lady... get the restrain order and change all the locks from your doors and your phone number or BETTER change of address