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sonia Hurtado · Dec 7, 2006, 07:22 PM

My daughter is 34yrs and is hard to live with. She throws tantrums whenever she feels unhappy about something. It is so scary that she looks possessed. She makes up stories and lies. Takes things that do not belong to her. Always late or can't keep time.
Does not take responsibility for anything. Her life a because and has no organization. Her mind is always going 24-7. has problem sleeping and does not maintaining a schedule. She constantly complains she is sick and that she does not want to be here in this planet
She can not focus even to boil water without burning the pan, or pouring a bath without flooding the bathroom. 99.9% of what she says never happens. You can not count on her for anything. What is this condition called?? She is on the other hand a sweet adorable girl very smart and likeable.

worthbeads · Dec 7, 2006, 09:14 PM

It sounds like stress. But see a doctor. It could potentially be anything.

Cimorene · Dec 7, 2006, 09:25 PM

I'm totally the same person... no, I'm not mental.. I'm just emo...

LUNAGODDESS · Dec 7, 2006, 09:55 PM

There is an online test for personality disorder diagnosis. Now, always remember this site is not a replacement for professional and medical care. This will help you in determining what is needed for your child. Sometimes we all will need help in explaining our special problem to a professional.

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/persona...sorder_test.mv

This website is from a professional educator on the issues of Borderline Personality disorder.

http://www-leland.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html

Each country has criteria for BPD this website will help
And you can compare.

http://www.psycom.net/depression.cen...orderline.html

Again, only a trained clinician can diagnose disorders.

rkim291968 · Dec 8, 2006, 12:33 AM

I think it is called spoiledem rottenitis. Did you or her grandparents spoil her when she was young?

s2tp · Dec 8, 2006, 04:16 AM

Originally Posted by sonia Hurtado

My daughter is 34yrs and is hard to live with.

Was I the only one to catch this?

Mam, if your daughter is 34 years old and still living at home, I would say there is a big problem here. Of course I am speaking from the typical American family home when I say this, and I know many families of different cultures stick together more. You say she is throwing tantrums and not being responsible... sounds to me like she has been babied and spoiled.:(

However I would think there is more going on in your daughters head than anybody here could possibly diagnose by reading what you have said. My first thought is a depression disorder. Lunagoddess has a good idea to try those online quizzes, maybe they will help you figure something out. My suggestion would be to seek professional help. Your daughter is 34 years old! She should be taking care of herself!. I am 24 and I have been doing it for 8 years now... The only excuse for a 34 y/o living irresponsibly with her parents is that she has a mental/physical need that she cannot handle on her own, or they need HER care (which I do not see this as the case).

Best of luck Mam!:)

J_9 · Dec 8, 2006, 07:09 AM

No, s2tp, you were not the only one to catch that!! ;)

Yes, 34 is WAY too old to be living at home. One thing I don't remember is... has she always lived at home? Has she come back home recently and if so, why?

Luna gave some good websites, and she is correct in that mental illnesses must be diagnosed by a professional.

I also wondered if there was a possibility of drug abuse. These are many of the symptoms of an abuse problem.

pumibel · Dec 8, 2006, 06:20 PM

I really don't want to judge, but if your daughter acts like this 24/7 I can see why she would have a hard time holding a job- is that true? You didn't mention anything about her employment status, but I would guess she has bounced around from place to place. People can have a hard time working with someone that wired up- you're her mom so you are more forgiving. I would take her to a doctor to get her checked out. You never know, it could be something medical. Has she always been this way? Did she have a hard time in school growing up? Even the most spoiled children usually outgrow tantrums

AKaeTrue · Dec 9, 2006, 01:00 AM

This does not sound like spoiled to me.
My guess would be that 1. there it is a mental illness that is causing your daughters instability, 2. drug abuse, or 3. both.
The only way to try to help her is for you to make an appointment with a doctor and have her evaluated.
Kae

JoeCanada76 · Dec 9, 2006, 04:19 AM

Quite frankly I would say this problem has to do with the parent. 34 years old and your still keeping track whether she is late or not, organised or not. Must still live at home, you created that dependence and now she can not do anything. Honestly look in the mirror. Some parents raise there children doing everything for them, then it is hard for them to do anything for themselves. You have in my mind from your post have created a dependent child. So where does the mental illness lie, It might have started with you? Everybody is saying have the 34 year old evaluated, but I think the mother should be evaluated as well. Both of them. Also I do not want to leave a side the possibilities of it being any medical condition, first of all we all need to know if this is the way she has always been, or just started happening. Could be something even neorological, but the only way to know for sure is to seek medical help. Not only counseling but also specialists (Medical condition) example epilepsy.

I say what I see. Please do not take it personal but look at it and maybe you will discover the truth.

Joe

valinors_sorrow · Dec 9, 2006, 06:22 AM

The two questions asked here are "Is my daughter's problem's mental?" and "What is this condition called?" Some posts have answered those well. I agree with a straight forward response and here is mine: Yes, her problems sound mental and its looking more like BPD to me than drug use but please seek professional help. There may be an easier solution than you think.

While allowing a mental illness to go unchecked is not good for everyone, a certain amount of compassion for someone being in the dark about mentall illness ought to be present in a post when dealing someone who is asking for help to climb out of that darkness. There is a profound difference between tough and tough love. And until I see resistance on Sonia's part, I don't think tough anything is needed here, frankly. A very wise person once told me that "love without truth is hypocrisy but truth without love is brutality." I consider that every time I attempt to confront someone about what they are doing. There is a timing to things too, a kind of first things first that needs to factor in as well. Let's solve the problem she asked about, then maybe she'll trust us enough to solve more?

If you have anymore questions Sonia, please feel free to post them here, if you dare.

K_3 · Dec 9, 2006, 06:40 AM

How was she as a child? Has she always lived at home? If she just recently started acting like this, when did she change?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 9, 2006, 02:25 PM

That's why that questions that I asked for instance how long has this being going on for? Is there any other chronic or underline illness that could have appeared. As well as giving all posibilities not just about the daughter but also the mother. It is important to get to the matter of things. The statements putting all of the blame on the daughter when she is still living at home with no details on how long, when it started, what are other possibilities.

Joe

sadiesmom · Dec 11, 2006, 05:38 PM

I learned a long time ago not to even attempt to make a diagnosis without meeting the person. We do need more information than what you have given. It could very well be a medical problem. you say she has difficulty focusing, lies, steals, sleeping problems, complains of being sick all the time, mind is going 24-7, poor organization, difficulty sleeping, and doesn't want to be on this planet. These sound like serious problems. Will she see a doctor? will she she a therapist? has she been violent with you?

JoeCanada76 · Dec 11, 2006, 06:19 PM

Has the mother been violent to the daughter? Why is it always one sided. Have to ask all the questions not just some.

sallgood · Dec 12, 2006, 03:45 AM

My opinion... it sounds like a slew of things might be wrong. The not paying attention... might be a form of add my boyfriend has it anad he is always an hour late for everyhting. He can't cook because he walks away and burns things... its crazy but sounds just the same as your daughter. As for living at home at 34, is this because of her attitude? Living at home at an older age may be from her being held back due to her personality. The lying, tantrums and sleeping problems seem like anxiety, depression or possibly bipolar. I am not a professional, I myself have been diagnosed with these three things and work with them myself. Take the time to sit her down and ask her to see a psychologist just for an information session, she may actually find that it helps her fix her mood a bit and she may be more pleasant.

cyberslider · Dec 12, 2006, 11:20 AM

I think she needs to live by herself so she only has her to blame when things go wrong for she is the only one there who could have caused it. I have known many people in the past with the same condition and it was all because of drug dependency and once they admitted to it and dried out the problem went away. Myself I would watch her party habits and keep track of the days and times you have the problems and look for a pattern. Does she go out with friends or away then the next day later the problem starts or do you see the problem and then she goes out and comes home relaxed and the problem goes away or she could need a doctor do to a imbalance in her system hard to say. Does she have a boy friend that she can share her inner thoughts to and vent her problems. I also know a women who use to be very moody and terrible to be around but last time I saw her she was just a delightful person and I told her how much she had changed. Then she shocked me when she said she was sexually frustrated and now she has a great man who is not only her best friend and husband but also her rehabilitator now that I never expected to hear that. So it is hard to say what the true problem is by reading on the net a few lines of a problem. What ever her problem is she does need help

JoeCanada76 · Dec 16, 2006, 02:01 AM

Well now that you the poster gave me a disagree you actually give more information there then in your actual post. Like I said, maybe if you gave more information in the beginning you would have received better answers. So your daughters husband left her, no wonder she is a reck. Leave her alone. Obvously she is greiving. Should you not understand that. If you do not understand that then yes, you as a mother needs help and counseling as well.

Joe

JoeCanada76 · Dec 16, 2006, 06:30 AM

So for all of you that were putting all the blame on the daughter before even hearing the whole story from this person. Please pat me on the back. In her reply to my response she says that her daughters husband left her a month ago. Her mother should be supportive, not making her daughter to be out be this mental case, somebody who might be on drugs and needs mental help. I was right along. This mother is not emotionally supportive especially at this time, no wonder why the daughter is a reck, she is greiving with an unsupportive mother. The poster instead of leaving out all of the important information should have included all the information to be able to give a good answer. I already knew it. It is a shame that this person did it. The mother is obously not to smart, just wanted to hear the worst about the daughter. She got what she wanted from most of you.

Joe

LUNAGODDESS · Dec 17, 2006, 06:05 AM

Jesus, Jesus, and Jesus any effort to pat you on the back will wait... (Smile);) the problems that will occur or suggest itself after a separation or a divorce will leave some pain and that pain will have to be addressed, before the young lady can move on. If, it is the problems of her child hood that brought about the issues that she is experiencing now then, she would need some help. JUST going to a therapist, social worker or and psychologist will help greatly. And something more importantly... we should stop blaming someone else for the problems we create to ourselves. Meaning, the daughter needs to stop blaming others for her choices. Now, here is the pat on the back just because you need it.