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saintorsinner · May 21, 2010, 03:14 PM

So I met this women about 4 years ago and I instantly fell in love with her and her with me. We were together all the time so eventually just moved in together, and I proposed to her. We lived together etc. for a little over 2 years. What happened was she went to CA to visit family and I went out one night to a little bar and was talking to another woman about her boyfriend etc. so nothing. Then we decided to get something to eat and we did and then went our separate ways. Didn't exchange numbers nothing because it was nothing like that. Well when my girl came home so was asking a bunch of questions and I just straight out told her because it's nothing right? Wrong now all of a sudden I cheated on her etc etc and she can't trust me. This is part of the reason we don't live together anymore. So anyway she doesn't / won't trust me. We live apart now and have talked constantly for the last few years, we get together, I will stay at her place etc.. well in the last couple months we really haven't even talked but texted which is my fault because I don't talk on the phone when I am at work which is a lot. I would text her every day, every day. Anyway I couldn't find my phone for a week so I couldn't. When I got my phone back I had nothing from her, not a are you OK / dead or anything so I texted her about it and she just said I thought you moved on. Well that actually hurt me so I have not texted or anything since (been like 2 weeks now) and I have not heard anything from her. I don't know what to do because I love her more then anything and if there is a such thing as soulmates, she is mine? I don't know if she is just done and I just move on or try AGAIN to get her back.

ZoeMarie · May 21, 2010, 03:31 PM

Talk about a situation being blown out of proportion.

First off, being in a relationship, I wouldn't have even gone out with some guy, whether there was anything going on, alone. Anyone of our mutual friends could see us together and that could definitely be taken the wrong way. That's just me.

Second of all, your fiancée should understand that this was all innocent just because of the fact that you came right out and told her the truth. All you can do is tell her what you told us and leave it up to her if she wants to trust you again. Have you done anything in the past to break her trust or was this the first time?

saintorsinner · May 21, 2010, 03:55 PM

Yes I agree with you on that, I have appologized non-stop for over 2 years now and tried to make it work but she just keeps bringing it up.

No I don't think I have broken her trust before, although. She always said that she couldn't trust me because I would say I was going to do something and wouldn't do it. I always told her that I was going to do it, didn't know I had to jump right up. To her defense on that sometimes I did just plain forget to do it. Her previous marriage was not a good one and I think she has trust issues there and it may have followed, I don't know.

ZoeMarie · May 21, 2010, 04:20 PM

It sounds like the two of you really need to talk about where the relationship is or is not going. Her trust issues are something she needs to work out. It doesn't sound like anything you say or do is going to to change her mind one way or another. Are you guys still engaged? Does it feel like you're engaged? From your post it doesn't sound like it. I would really just ask her, "where is this going?" What if you two are wasting each other's time? Better to move on than to wonder if that's the case.

talaniman · May 21, 2010, 07:34 PM

This thing died when she left, after you were forthright and honest. She left so bury it and move on as she has kept you in limbo for two years and still hasn't forgiven you or can trust you?

That's ridicules and its time to let her and her issues go.

Homegirl 50 · May 21, 2010, 10:41 PM

Sounds to me like you two are just finished.
It also sounds like there were some issues of your not following through on things, but maybe you two are just not a match.
Either way, she has moved on, it's time for you to move on as well.

saintorsinner · May 22, 2010, 06:40 AM

Well. No it doesn't feel like we are still engaged at all and it hasn't for a while, she put the ring is a safe deposit box a while ago. This will probably sound bad but I have the opportunity to be with a lot of women, this one has my heart and everyone that actually knows me knows this. It was magic when I met her. I saw her across the room and she was gorgeous, we fell in love instantly. How does that just "go away"? I still remember the 1st time I saw her and every moment since. I hear you all saying just move on, well that is what I am trying to do which is how I ended up on here. Again, I have been in a lot of relationships (as has everyone) and when they go bad whatever, but with this one I feel as if my heart is gone, it's with her! If none of this makes sense give me a break it's 5am on a Saturday and I'm at work. Ha

You know I used to think I was just bad in relationships, but I am giving and caring. Yes I am X-military and am a "man's man", but I am also an artist and I have compasion. I cook, clean, have a good job, etc... OH and to homegirl's point the issues on not following through were usually on fixing something like a door (I'm like Cliff H. when it comes to that stuff, I try... )

roxypox · May 22, 2010, 07:16 AM

As sad as it is, some people are tougher to get over than others. For what ever reason.

Do I think this relationship is over: sadly, yes. I really do! I think it was the moment she lost trust in you, the moment she walked away.

Do I think its possible for you to get over her? Yes I do.

How do you think you can do this in an active way?

saintorsinner · May 22, 2010, 07:26 AM

Well unfortunately I now have to agree, sadly it is over... I will "get over" her but I will never stop loving her, I just know this. How can I do this in an active way? I'm going about like normal.

Homegirl 50 · May 22, 2010, 09:41 AM

Go about as normal and you will see after some time, there will be less pain.
Time does heal.
I wish you well

roxypox · May 22, 2010, 09:52 AM

I'm glad that you realise it's over. It's good first step.

Going about it like normal is a good idea! I'm sorry that your relationship ended this way.

saintorsinner · May 22, 2010, 10:45 AM

Thank u all. Just solidified what I thought

highachiever · May 22, 2010, 11:06 AM

If you truly did nothing wrong, and she can't get past that, then it is not your problem causing the rift between the two of you, it's hers. She put the ring in a safe deposit box... right. If she isn't wearing it, then there is a problem with that. That means she is not truly acknowledging your relationship as being "engaged". Unfortunately, you are stuck on her, and before giving the relationship the heave-ho I would agree with my fellow posters that you talk to her about your relationship. If she didn't hear from you in a week, and did not wonder if you were OK, then that is also a bad sign.

I would say you have put in your time suffering for her mistrust and insecurities when you really did nothing to begin with. If a person does not want to trust you, then there is nothing you can do to change their mind. Suffice it to say, a relationship cannot be built on looks alone; no matter how gorgeous she is or was when you met, her interest/disinterest and treatment of you should be more important than her physical attributes. Beauty fades, and it is not something to build a long term relationship on.