[Rockstar714]

Hey everyone!

So I'm a bridesmaid in my ex bf's sister's wedding, and I'm also kind of the maid of honor and I've been doing the wedding planning as well. I was part of the proposal and have been there since the beginning.

The bridal shower was planned by a few of the other bridesmaid's and they have made it very clear that I am not a part of their little group. There are 10 bridesmaids all together and 7 of them work together, they have made the rest of us feel like outcasts, so its not just me. It was really tough on me, as I was told to make cupcakes for the dessert, and spent days making cupcakes from scratch, only to show up and there be 3 very large cakes that they purchased. Needless to say, I left before dessert.

A couple weeks ago my ex tells me he's engaged, and that same day he gets in a fight with his new fiancé and tells me that I ruined everything between them. He was seeing his current gf/fiance and me at the same time until January. His parents just met her right before he proposed.

I haven't spoken to the bride or the MOB since before my ex announced he was engaged and I feel like it may be a huge elephant in the room.

I really have no idea what to do, if I should bring it up that I know, if I should drop out of the wedding...

Any help/suggestions/advice is GREATLY appreciated. Thanks!

[cdad]

You have a decision to make. By agreeing to be in the wedding and being part of the wedding party you have also agreed to be a part of this group. So you either need to go with the flow or back off. But you can't be a part of and separate from. That doesn't work.

[Jake2008]

I don't know when the wedding is, but if this is going beyond your comfort level, and is a chore rather than a privilege, do the bride to be and yourself a favour, and back out.

You haven't mentioned the bride to be's take on all of this. Is she aware of what is going on between you and her brother, and is she aware of the rift between the bridesmaids.

It is doubtful that that tight knit group will suddenly consider you and your contributions valuable, particularly as you have been told off by them.

I'm thinking that if it were me, I would talk to the bride face to face, and tell her that this is just too hard for you to do, and as much as you would love to be there for her, it will have to be as a guest, and not a bridesmaid.

Her feelings may be hurt, but again, if the dresses haven't been bought, and the wedding isn't next weekend sort of thing, then seriously consider attending her wedding to enjoy her special day, simply as a guest.

If, on the other hand, too much time has passed, and all the arrangements have been made, including the dresses, I would advise you to suck it up, put a smile on your face, and not say a word. In the long run, taking the high road is the right thing to do.

[dontknownuthin]

I would just ask the bride, "things are getting awkward - the other bridesmaids apparently don't like me and your brother is blaming me for his breakup, and well - it's kind of strange. What do you want me to do?" If she clearly wants you in the wedding, muddle through. If not, I think it would be appropriate to bow out. It sounds like you being in the wedding became a problem because of other people in the wedding party like her friends and brother, and not anything you did. If I'm correct in that impression and you do bow out, I think she should pay for your dress unless you can get out of paying for it. I would ask her to do so, but not make a war out of it - if she refuses, you pay it and then you're done with the friendship.

If she's not decisively in a favor of you being in the wedding, you should bow out in my opinion. There's only so much you should put up with and if she's not sure she wants you in the wedding, this is too much to ask to tolerate all this juvenile nonsense. If you step down from the bridal party, you should not attend the wedding at all.