[easycharles]

note:by “pleasure” I mean how good sex feels in its entirety… not just the physical aspect…..

note: I am not making a normative declaration here…. I am not saying that s.e.x should be without feelings of connection and love but I am strongly suggesting, and this is a subtle distinction, that it is impossible to be motivated purely by the desire for those feelings when the pleasure is so intense.

Here is the detailed question:
I was talking to a girl about how I wanted sex and she told me of course I wanted sex because it such an “incredible connection” to another human being. I had previously asked her how much pleasure she got from sex on a scale of 1–10 and she told me that it was a 10 for her. Well, how on this green earth can she say that the reason that I or anyone else would want to have sex is for the “incredible connection” when it is so ridiculously pleasurable?

How can people say they are motivated by the connection per se when that connection is associated with a degree of pleasure which people describe as a 10? You would think that at the very least such sex would involve a dual motivation for the connection and the pleasure associated with that connection.

note: please do not branch off into a discussion on how women have sex for pleasure and men have it for connection (or is it the other way around? Whatever!) because that isn’t really relevant to the question. Because at least in the case I describe the women thinks sex is a 10 but somehow doesn’t see that as the central motivating factor in the way one would normally imagine it would be if anything else in life was a 10.

Would somebody on this earth please give me an answer to this question...
1.That addresses the actual content of the question.
2. Doesn't make judgments or go into unnecessary diversions into the topic of the differences between the male and female gender's sexual needs...
3. Does not assume that physical pleasure is the only aspect of sex that feels really good or is pleasurable.
4. If your going to talk about how we have sex for lots of different reason or how people have s.e.x because of our mammalian past etc... please square those other motivations with the fact that s.e.x is so friggin ridiculously pleasurable.
5. Is clear and sane...
6. Don't tell me I have to be in love to understand the answer to this question...

[KISS]

I'm a little confused by your question. I don't quite understand it.

I will attempt to add a few things.

Sex may not be pleasurable for everybody. Example vaginal dryness/painful intercourse for women. Peyrones disease (curvature of the penis for men).

Pregnancy fears for both men and women.

Differences in arousal rates.

The pleasure from sex occurs in the space "between the ears".

Can you explain better?

[justcurious55]

Welcome to amhd. Rule #1: you don't dictate who answers your questions or how they can answer them. So long as they don't violate site rules, anything goes and you get what you get.

And guess what, the answers to this question will be totally opinionated. You can't very well prove that people only have sex for one reason. And actually, not everyone finds sex as pleasurable as you do. So yes, there are various reasons people have sex. The desire to feel pleasure is only one of them.

[aimee_tt]

No People do not have sex just for the pleasure.

Sometimes People have sex With the intention of having a baby.

Sometimes Women have sex because their boyfriends/husbands keep bugging them and I'm sure some men also do it to satisfy their girlfriend/wife.

[CravenMorhead]

Here is the detailed question:
I was talking to a girl about how I wanted sex and she told me of course I wanted sex because it such an “incredible connection” to another human being. I had previously asked her how much pleasure she got from sex on a scale of 1–10 and she told me that it was a 10 for her. Well, how on this green earth can she say that the reason that I or anyone else would want to have sex is for the “incredible connection” when it is so ridiculously pleasurable?

How can people say they are motivated by the connection per se when that connection is associated with a degree of pleasure which people describe as a 10? You would think that at the very least such sex would involve a dual motivation for the connection and the pleasure associated with that connection.

I snipped the unimportant bits. I think I could have chopped another 40 or 60 words but...

Short answer to your question: No.

It could be so ridiculously pleasurable because of the incredible connection. Half of any good sex is getting into your partners head.

Sometimes sex isn't about the incredible connection between a person. Sometimes it just about 'that old in and out', or getting off. There is no connection except the penis in vagina. Sometimes people just have sex to have children. Look at the '16/17/18/19/20 Kids and Counting' show on TV. There are many religions out there that teach that sex is just procreation.

I also think that you're basing your question on the response from one woman. Ask more.

[Jake2008]

It's called anticipation of something incredibly pleasurable.

What that boils down to is a positive attitude.

If sex is something you like- a lot, and you have an 'incredible connection' with your anticipated partner, intellectually, you would naturally anticipate the anticipation of sex, as an extension of the person you are about to have sex with.

If sex is a chore, or routine, or expected anticipation is familiarity, and a smoldering fire instead of fireworks, then the anticipation of sex being incredibly pleasureable would not likely happen.

If you are a self-centered sort of person who has hormones popping out your ears, you would most likely care less if your partner anticipates anything but a quick romp.

Anybody can rock and roll, but, to do the tango, is something quite different again.

[Cat1864]

I have a very basic question of my own in regards to Board this is posted on: How old are you?

[QLP]

I'm really not sure what exactly it is that you are asking.

You say sex feels good and not just in the physical aspect, but then that implies there is some mental/emotional aspect that is gratifying. Isn't this the bit that your friend refers to as connection. I mean apart from your feelings towards the person you are having sex with, what else is there other than the physical?

Your friend scores sex a 10 and places connection as being the most important factor for her in having sex. If she was having sex with someone who she felt no connection with then maybe she wouldn't be scoring it 10 at all. Ask her. If connection is what turns the sex from something OK to something amazing then that will probably be the highest motivating factor for someone.

[simoneaugie]

So... No matter how I address the question I'm wrong? See, I'm not you, neither is the guy down the block or the cute girl at the gym.

Categorizing and compartmentalizing facts or opinions is a good thing if it serves you. When it is used to judge others, does it serve you? Maybe it does, but why and how?

Your own realizations and experiences are just that. Your stuff. Why are you even interested in how another puts it? That's the connection you're going for.

[Fr_Chuck]

People have sex for guilt, for hate, for love, because they are drunk and a 1000 reasons.

Since you obviously don't want to hear the truth, since you put limits, you will hear it anyway

It is best when done between people who are committed to each other, since there is an emotional side of sex that you miss without it,
Without a emotional connection, there is no "closeness" it brings,

Sex for fun is like hiring a hooker, it is all about your benefit and has no real connection

[aimee_tt]

What about People who are raped. They don't feel any pleasure from the sex. The raper may feel the pleasure but the victim feels pain, discomfort and a whole lot of emotional issues as it happens.

[JoeCanada76]

I honestly do not even see a question here.

As far as saying what people can or can not say is not the way this works.

As far as my personal comments.

Will tell you this. I think you over analyze anything and everything to the extreme. There were more statements and comments in your post then an actual question.

You do need to be in love, first to understand.

Many Many people have sex for many many different reasons.

I think that the best sex is between two people who have got to know each other first on the emotional level. That is just my personal feeling. That sex comes later on. That it is not the most important aspect of a real true relationship.

As far as this branching off into discussions it will happen. Got to love free speech (;

[Synnen]

I suggest we refrain from answering further until we know the OP's age.

[florida007]

Yes, people have sex because it feels good. Also, because you can connect to somebody, knowing that they want you just much as you want them. The reason a person has sex with lots of people is two fold, one sex is fun but doesn't last that long. It can be from a few minutes to hours with that person(S). Two the feeling that somebody wants you. Even if just for you body. Most people who have sex with lots of people don't know or care about the other persons name etc. it is just to get there own self off first. It is the slam bam thank u, and they say call me, but don't give you there real Ph. #. SEX (just to get off. Empty lust)

[Synnen]

Because people can't read the entire thread, and do not notice the admonition to wait until we have the OP's age--this thread is closed.