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specialk28 · May 16, 2010, 05:36 PM

I was recently broken up with. It's been especially hard because I am relatively new here. He has told people that I was the best girlfriend he's ever had and that he dosen't know what's wrong with him, couldn't give me what I wanted, etc. We have not spoken since the breakup. He tried to say Hi at a BBQ not long ago and I was so angry I decided childish was the way to go and completely ignored him. It's been made worse by the fact that I can't speak to anyone how hurt I am because it will all get back to him.

talaniman · May 16, 2010, 05:42 PM

How long were you together and how old are you?

specialk28 · May 16, 2010, 05:47 PM

Little over a year. 28 too old to not be cordial

I guess the whole thing is so devastating because I feel completely alone here. And of course up until the very end he swore everything was perfectly fine. These things do not get easier as you get older!

talaniman · May 16, 2010, 07:34 PM

You just need time to process your feelings. So take as long as you need and don't worry about what any one says. No doubt you will have many emotions in the days to follow. Don't run from them, but don't get carried away as no matter your age, I guarantee you will eventually heal from this and carry on. We all do.

Still it sucks, and hurts like hell going through it. Everyone here nows that.

The stickies can help a lot, and there is a link in my signature.

specialk28 · May 16, 2010, 07:36 PM

Thanks. By the way big fan of the no contact rule. Been 3 or 4 weeks of hell and lonliness.

talaniman · May 16, 2010, 08:05 PM

That's great, and I think you will get your groove back, and enjoy the freedom to explore other options, and opportunities. You just have to get out, and about some.

specialk28 · May 16, 2010, 08:30 PM

I guess it's harder when there's just no good reason given. He thinks I'm great even told me I had done everything right, had the utmost respect for me. Was he lying to make me feel better?

Romefalls19 · May 17, 2010, 05:10 AM

Trust me, don't spend time trying to understand what he says or has said, it is like banging your head into a brick wall. It just hurts, continue on the NC path and soon you will hurt less and less with each passing day

talaniman · May 17, 2010, 05:10 AM

Probably not. But his feelings certainly did change for whatever reason, and that's okay, even if it does suck.

Have you never had you're feelings change, and had to dump someone, though you still liked them??

specialk28 · Jul 26, 2010, 07:27 PM

I moved here a little over a year ago. Within a week I had met someone. Everything was going great until, well I don't know what happened. He seemed to be having a lot of money problems and I tries to help as much as I could, not monetary necessarily ( I paid one bill towards the very end, but more supportive (offering to bring over dinner, talk about it, etc.) During this time he became increasingly distant, less phone calls and texts, he seemed to lack interest in being intimate, etc. I had become upset one night because I wanted to know why. He wouldn't speak to me at all(no doubt because I had brought it up before). Unfortunately we would talk he would tell me everything is fine and then... continue with the behavior. On this particular night he wouldn't speak at all, I left. A few days later I texted that he could leave an item of mine on the porch when I was at work. He texted back no problem. I called, got upset for a few minutes and that was that. Since then I haven't spoken to him at all. We have (our friends-the only people I know here- hang out at the same place) inevitably run into each other. I have done my best to maintain the no contact rule by basically ignoring him all together. And besides one attempt at a hi, so has he. He has a new girlfriend. We were all in the same place together and I had maintained as much distance as possible. At some point he took her to the women's bathroom and stayed there for quite sometime. I tried to ignore this, but was then basically run over by the two of them as they tried to leave. I calmly stepped outside and lost it. My point is, I know men and women are different. I know that the person dumping another can probably go on about their business as usual. What I don't understand is why I can't even remotely entertain the idea of dating. Not only that but, why I can't be bouncing around happily with someone else after the 3 months we've been broken up as he is. And why that affected me to the point of being distraught. We dated for a little over a year by the way.

crazychick56 · Jul 27, 2010, 12:24 AM

Well, he is a guy, and guys can express their emotions differently than girls can. And it may seem like he is "bouncing around happily" with someone else, but guys are better at shovelling the emotions down than girls are, so you never know with that one. Although his behavior seemed strange, some part of him can be hurting. And as for the why aren't you happy with someone else part... everyone has a longer "moving on" stage. It might take longer for you to actually find someone. It all depends on the person.

kaka67 · Jul 27, 2010, 02:39 AM

Originally Posted by specialk28

i During this time he became increasingly distant, less phone calls and texts, he seemed to lack interest in being intimate, etc. I had become upset one night because i wanted to know why. He wouldn't speak to me at all(no doubt because I had brought it up before). unfortunately we would talk he would tell me everything is fine and then...continue with the behavior. On this particular night he wouldn't speak at all,

Because he had already moved on way before you realised it was over.

He just didn't have the guts to tell you.

redhed35 · Jul 27, 2010, 02:53 AM

Every one processes in their own way.

For you,I would think your going the right way about 'healing',your taking your time,you have kept your dignity and self respect,you were mature when you ran into him and his new squeeze,fair play,others may not have had your maturity.

I appauld you.

As for him,he will most likely jump from girl to girl without ever healing fully and will have continious relationship problems and always wondering 'why',until he reaches the maturity level you are.

Don't worry about him and what he's doing,concentrate on you,your important now.

Continue with nc,and when your ready to date you will be in a better position to have a more fulfilling relationship without any past emotional baggage.

Ther4peuticH3at · Jul 27, 2010, 10:20 AM

This isn't a "men and women are different" thing, it's a "human beings are different" thing. It's partly the kind of person he is and the kind of person you are that makes the situation what it is, but it's more of a transferal of emotion. When it all ended and the dust settled, you were the one left holding the soggy bag emotional. Unfortunately, you only have two options, try to put it back in his lap, or frakking deal with it. Take it and put it where it belongs. In other words, you need appropriately process what happened, placing/organizing things accordingly in your thoughts.