[Summercrime]

I left my son's biological father (we were never married) before I found out I was pregnant; he was emotionally and sexually abusive, so I didn't want him to ever know we had a child together. There is no father named on the birth certificate. Later, DSS had me start a case against my ex to start the child support process. The first step was locating my ex, and I gave them every bit of information on him possible, including his Social Security Number. They were somehow unable to locate him. That is where I'm stuck, a year later.
Meanwhile, I'm about to get married in a few weeks and my fiancé wants to adopt my two year old son. A week ago, my ex contacted me online, expressing a desire to be a part of my son's life (he had stalked me online and through 'friends' to find out about my child). It was out of the blue, but after a day or two of talking with him about taking a paternity test to establish his fatherhood on paperwork, he backed out and disappeared, changing his phone number and most likely moving again.
Also, he is in another state. He's in Miami-Dade County in Florida while we (my fiancé, my son, and myself) live in Greenville County, South Carolina. This whole time, my ex has yo-yoed between half-wanting to be involved with my child, and wanting nothing to do with the whole matter. He has not once tried to take any action to prove his fatherhood, or provide for our child. Can this constitute as abandonment, even though he is not presumed to be the father in paperwork?
Also, a friend told me that years ago in another state, her lawyer had instructed her to run an add the local paper where the biological father lived, asking anyone associated with the child to answer the add, and after a few weeks of running the add, if the father didn't answer, the step-father was able (and did) adopt the child.
Could the same work for me in my situation? I've been looking online for days now, but I'm not very good at research and would be eternally grateful for any help, advice, or references anyone can give me!

[Synnen]

You need a lawyer.

Every state has different rules on how to proceed with a stepparent adoption, and permission must be ATTEMPTED to be gotten from the biological parent for it to happen.

What you have to do LEGALLY for that to happen, though, varies by where you are--and I really REALLY would not even attempt it without a lawyer.