[me000]

Well I told my BF that one of his female colleagues and friend looks flirty to me (since she used to give flirty comments on his Facebook profile). Prior to that I even questioned him who's she when I saw the Facebook comments. He told me that she's a colleague and friend. I said "ok but if anytime in future you like someone else you'll tell me right?". He said he'll tell me and that it will never happen and also assured that there's nothing going on between them.

That was fine. So the next day the topic somehow came up again and I said she's flirty. At this he talked to me in a nasty tone, almost shouted, just that he didn't raise his voice saying "oh come on mannnnnn!!! you dont know anything about her ok" in a nasty tone I've ever heard from him talking to me and went all the way to prove how nice she is and how she's always talking good about me when all I can do is talk bad about her. The next day I thought about it and wrote a break up email saying that "this wont work out coz if u can talk nasty to me for a simple reason as i called a colleague of urs flirty, someday in future i may not like something about some of his friends again, u can't talk like that to me everytime, Im the girlfriend!! It seemed like Im no more important than that girl in your life". So he doesn't want to break up and told me to take a week's time and think over it and let him know next week.

Im not jealous of that girl, I could have let him go for her if he liked her but I now know that's not the case. But problem is Im nothing more important than any of his friends, Im at the same level or even lower than them in his life (of course he says its not true but is obvious when he almost shouted at me in a nasty way just because I said she's flirty). Worst part is that he thinks he did nothing wrong by defending his colleague (be it in a nasty tone). So is this relationship worth trying? I have a week's time. So please help me out.
Some of the important facts... I did not accuse him of cheating. I just asked who is she. I was convinced to what he said above. And I never told him to stay away from any friend of his not even this girl

[roxypox]

There are SEVERAL things in your post I want to address! I see that this is your first time posting here so even if parts of my reply might seem harsh... think about... also keep in mind that you don't need to take my advice in anyway.

1. You seem jealous. You might not feel jealous or preceive yourself as jealous, but you do come off as jealous!

No trust=no relationship.

2. The message you gave to your BF is that you are jealous of this girl, maybe even feel threatened

3. If his tone of voice and the issues with this girl is enough to make you want to break up with him... well how important is this relationship?

4. Breaking up over email?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I've heard of it happening... over email, over texts. Is he of that little importance to you?

Your post and your way of descibing your situation makes me think that there must be something else going on as well... and I have a few quetsions for you:

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been in a relationship?


Maybe what the two of you need to learn how to communicate bette? And if he isn't that important to you.. well maybe you should just break up with him?

[Homegirl 50]

You asked him about the girl, he says it's not big deal. So how does the subject "somehow" come up again? Sounds like jealousy to me.

Have you two had conversations about other girls before? Has this been an issue before?
Perhaps your breaking up with him in an e-mail didn't help matters.

How old are you and how long have you two been dating?

[Jake2008]

What you have essentially done, is create a problem, where none existed.

By giving your boyfriends co-worker 'status' as to her personality (flirty) and implying that after you enquired about her, he would tell you if there were someone else (as you said), not to mention the fact that she is such a large presence to you that you argue about her- well, how would you characterise your own behaviour?

Insecure? Jealous? A bit controlling? Invasive? Imaginary? Accusatory?

And you take those traits you have clearly displayed, and say that he is essentially responsible for them. Meaning that you apply meaning and importance to a person that he doesn't. How can he possibly win that argument.

She is an invisible 'foe', and that foe really isn't her at all, because further in your post you also characterize his friends as being more important to you. So once again, your jealousy has clouded your vision. Instead of being petty and needy, why don't you just ask him to spend more time with you.

While you're at it, why not invite this co-worker (who probably has a boyfriend of her own) over for dinner some night. But then, that would take away your excuse to keep slamming your boyfriend for your insecurities in my opinion.

When you can't trust someone who is trustworthy, then the 'fault' is your inability to accept a decent person at their word. Why you 'block' him this way may have to do with you feeling undeserving, or maybe you compare yourself with others and think you come up short somehow. Not fully investing trust in a relationship keeps you from getting hurt, and that really is the bottom line.

That he wishes to try again from what I gather, makes you a very lucky person. Instead of finding continuous fault with him, take a good long look at how you treat him, and what you have done to errode the relationship. Try to better communicate, honestly, when you are feeling left out, or insecure, or that you just need reassurance.

But to go looking for answers in all the wrong places, won't make the relationship last.

[Larken85]

You seem over baring and like you have a serious self esteam issue. Even if the girl is flirting, so long as the boyfriend is not flirting back you have nothing to worry about. I know from experience that girls tend to get jealous of girls that were there before them (SOMETIMES) and the fact of the matter is, if you think that you have the right to push a friend of his out, you are dead wrong. You have to accept his friends, male or female and if you cannot accept them then you certainly need to tolerate them and be friendly. It is the least you can do for him.

Introducing a girlfriend into your life should never mean extracting ANYONE from your life. And I know that this is not what you are asking but it is the next step I promise you. If you do not get a handle on your esteam issue, then you will end up either leaving a perfectly good guy, or trying to control him.

[talaniman]

I really think you over reacted, and made a small thing worse. He replied nicely the first time, but you had to bring it back the next day. That's what I do not understand. He may have been wrong in the way he responded, but breaking up was an extreme way to handle it.

No communications, no relationship. And its hard to take back emotional, impulsive, responses.

[Ash123]

Ahhh the joys of Facebook...

[Showme_urmove]

Woow, they are all right, all this people had given you a really really good advice, please take them and apply them.
Like what they say, only worry on things you can handle but don't bother worrying on things that you cannot. Don't listen to your friends, cause all their going to do is tell you what you want to hear. Don't compare yourself with anyone else. Your not wrong at anything your just not mature enough for this kind of relationship, and hey don't take it wrong cause I was like you. Every relationship you come across good or bad has something to teach you, that's how you grow if you learn from it. Take this time away from each other to really observe you and your partner.

Question to ask yourself:
Is this relationship worth my time?
Am I the jealous type?
Do I trust him?
Does he treat me the same or worst then his friends if yes HOW?

Don't make a decision because of what your friends and family or us had said to you, make it because you took your time and given it a really hard look and had finally made up your mind and that's what you really want.