Check out some similar questions!

Capuchin · Dec 12, 2006, 07:12 AM

Like I said, No Contact does not even try to accomplish this. It's a strategy to save yourself heartache and improve your wellbeing, to help you be a better person and move on with your life. It doesn't help you get someone back.

It may occasionally be a side effect through you becoming a better person. But winning someone back is not the objective of no contact.

Of course she will just find someone else... this is why she dumped you.

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 07:13 AM

So wait for 2 months and then you can call her for a coffee.

Did you apologize to her before you began the 'no contact'?

onlineguy · Dec 12, 2006, 08:04 AM

Yes but In a lame arrogant man way!. lol.

She probably expects me to go with the first lass who comes along, but isn't that what she will be doing. Or why end it ?

If no one else in her sites then she would have sorted out the problems in the relationship !

Capuchin · Dec 12, 2006, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

Yes but In a lame arogant man way ! .... lol.

She probably expects me to go with the first lass who comes along, but isn't that what she will be doing. Or why end it ?

If no one else in her sites then she would of sorted out the problems in the relationship !

I don't understand your point.
Yes she will be doing that, because she dumped you to get on with her life without you.

There's no point sorting out the problems in the relationship if you realise this person isn't the person you want to be with anymore.

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 12, 2006, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

Yes but In a lame arogant man way ! .... lol.

She probably expects me to go with the first lass who comes along, but isn't that what she will be doing. Or why end it ?

If no one else in her sites then she would of sorted out the problems in the relationship !

I believe that the mature way to deal with this kind of situation would have been to try and resolve through communication. Yes, a real apology would have been good but it does take two to work on problems in a relationship. It is a cowards way out of a relationship to just end it an run without trying to work out a sensible resolution to the problem. That is only to say if the relationship is actually valuable to both parties. If one feels that the relationship has less meaning to them, then ending it would be the best option for both concerned. If this is the case and there has been no discussion of separation with possible reconciliation, then it is better as Val suggests above to consider the relationship over for good.

No contact is then about healing and improving yourself for the next relationship with someone who will appreciate you for who you are.

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 08:22 AM

Yes I agree with Geoff also and think you should have apologized properly before going into no contact... maybe you should try once more and then go back to no contact.

I kind of feel that before going to no contact its good to have expressed all you need to say so that you have no regrets...

onlineguy · Dec 12, 2006, 08:46 AM

With respect. None of this answers my question

I have done the no contact, healed and given her space.

What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others.

How do I do this ?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 12, 2006, 08:57 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

With respect. None of this answers my question

I have done the no contact, healed and given her space.

What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others.

How do I do this ?

I suppose the first thing would be to show her how sorry you really are. If she knows you are sincerely sorry, then this will be a positive move to winning her back. How much space have you given her? 1 month, 2 months?

How much contact have you made? Have you e-mailed her? Texted her? Called? In this time. If this is true, then this does not count as space as she would have felt under pressure from your need for constant updates as to what is happening.

Why were you both arguing over ex's in the first place? What relevance does your history and her history have to do with the present?

You need to ask yourself if there is more to this break-up than just simply an argument. You must look at this first otherwise taking any action to winning her back is not going to work.

I'm sorry if this seems a bit blunt but it is my best opinion based on what you have wrote so far.

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 08:58 AM

<<I have done the no contact, healed and given her space. >>

6 days is not enough!!

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 08:58 AM

<<Why were you both arguing over ex's in the first place? What relevance does your history and her history have to do with the present?
>>

Exactly, tell us all the details!!

SouthernBelle06 · Dec 12, 2006, 08:59 AM

You may be asking the impossible. You can't make her want you. You can't make her come back. You can't stop her from dating someone else. She will come back only if it is something that she has thought about and something that she wanted to do anyway. She will had to have missed you and somehow realized that you are valuable in her life and doesn't want to let you go. She needs to want to reconcile too... something that she will have to feel on her own. Again, you can't make her feel that either.

If no contact has done nothing for you, your only other choices are to contact her with something very casual or even perhaps another apology, wait and hope she contacts you on her own and be open to talking with her, or to forget her. Didn't you mention in another one of your threads that she won't return your calls or emails? If she still won't reply if you try to contact her again, there is unfortunately not much else you can do to get her back without looking like a stalker in her eyes. You will just push her further and further away. You may need to give her some time to get over her anger before you try to contact her again.

There are no guaranteed ways to get an ex back. Everyone here is trying to give you ideas, but if we had the answers, none of us would be going through the heartaches that we are in right now either. We all wish we had the magic formula to get an ex back. There simply are no guarantees or one answer that works in any given case of a breakup.

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 08:59 AM

<<What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others. >>

What others?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 12, 2006, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by rol

yes i agree with Geoff also and think you should have apologized properly before going into no contact...maybe you should try once more and then go back to no contact.

i kind of feel that before going to no contact its good to have expressed all you need to say so that you have no regrets...

Maybe you should try this option and then go back to no contact. It is always good to leave things on a nicer note than a sour, bitter one. It's no guarantee that this will win her back as you suggest.

I am not even sure if you can WIN her back, she needs to want to come back. You can make improvements to yourself though to make this more of a possibility but you should really be thinking more along the lines of 'she is gone forever' because one day you may be forced to accept this.

I know it is hard mate, I completely relate to why you are asking this question but remember that there is also a chance that she may move on for good herself and that eventually you might need to.

Tuscany · Dec 12, 2006, 09:03 AM

Start by talking to her. See where she stands with working things out with you. If she is not into it then there is no reason to continue trying.

onlineguy · Dec 12, 2006, 09:12 AM

Sorry about that, I worded it wrongly.

We argued over her cheating on an ex who is a canny lad, with a lad who is not so canny !
(without going into detail. I disaproved and made her feel bad about this).

I know I was wrong and have said that, its past and all. But I took my feeling of dislike for another out on her. She knows all of this.

Any way. Its not that I want to win her back like a prize or a trophy.

I care about her, love her and want to make her happy. I want to treat her well and make her feel special, important and loved. (Romantic sloppy sod)...

But if the girl is ignoreing me, how the hell do I do this without as someone said appearing a pest.

valinors_sorrow · Dec 12, 2006, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by onlineguy

With respect. None of this answers my question

I have done the no contact, healed and given her space.

What I want to do now is win her back, make her feel special and loved. Make her want me above all others.

How do I do this ?

As I see it, each of you had your chance at much of this in the first go-around. And then something went wrong. Now if you don't specifically take care of whatever it is that went wrong, you won't get back to loving each other again. And it takes the both of you being willing to honestly and responsibly go after what went wrong. It's that simple. That you came to where you ended it says to me not everyone was willing here to go after what went wrong. So there is your answer. There is no way to win someone back while bypassing what went wrong-- if THAT were possible, holy cow, then all kinds of people would be doing it and posting here exactly how they did!

Frankly, if its worth breaking up over, its worth staying broken up over. The chance to fix what went wrong has come and gone. Anyone else telling you differently is holding out false hope to you that I consider not grounded in reality. So far I have only seen one person here willing to use NC as an opportunity to change and then go back and try to win her by demonstrating the change and the jury is still out on how well that works because he hasn't returned to her yet. I think I know the odds on that working already and said so on his thread. To use NC as some kind of very casually arranged separation without any terms meant to better the realationship without an actual agreement from both parties is as fantasyland as it comes, in my book. Or the work of game players. Take your pick. I mean, come on... how are you to even know what went wrong if you aren't TALKING ABOUT IT?? I am sorry to confirm what you suspected all along -- there is no secret magic fix. I'm sorry for your loss. That is my answer and I stand by it.

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 09:17 AM

Did ye actually break up or ye just had a fight and she is ignoring you now?

valinors_sorrow · Dec 12, 2006, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by rol

Did ye actually break up or ye just had a fight and she is ignoring you now??

He called her his "ex" from the beginning. If that isn't a break up then I don't know what words mean anymore. LOL

onlineguy · Dec 12, 2006, 09:38 AM

Cheers I appreciate the replies.

Yes there was problems and I know them, she knows them and I am prepared to do what ever is necasary to sort them out.

But when I first liked her I showed an interest in her in a nice friendly way then when I liked her and thought she felt the same I asked her out.

What I am trying to do is get back to that stage. So that for want of a better word I can woo her again. (lame word, but sounds better than seduce).

No contact has helped me heal. I am not chasing after her or depsperate for her.

But my query is, if I am observing full no contact, how do I get to the stage of getting her to see the real me and like me again ?

rol · Dec 12, 2006, 09:43 AM

Ill copy this advice someone (I think skell or wildcat wrote)

If it has been 2-3 months you could give them a quick call just to say hi. Make it a fun and light conversation.. LISTEN to her though.

Ask how they have been, what they are up to?

Make her LAUGH.. You are the FUN guy she had a great relationship with.

Your not ringing her to ask about getting back together, what went wrong, no begging, no pleading, no pressure etc etc...

You are calling simply to say hi and see how everything has been.

OVERALL it should be a light, fun and easy going chat...

After about 10 minutes or so you should end the call. Your in control.

Everything in your life is great. Things are going good. You have friends everywhere, your life is on track. Basically you Don't NEED HER for your life to be good.

I wouldn't even ask to meet her yet...

1 simple call so she can hear your voice. The fun guy she used to love... It might make her miss you.