[pinky011591]

So there is this guy that I recently met at work that has got me all confused. He started working with me a couple months ago, and at the beginning, we didn't really talk much. After about two weeks of working together, we both started to loosen up and talk to each other. It wasn't the typical small talk, but pretty intense conversations about relationships and pasts and stuff. We even talked about dating someone with that much of an age difference. From our talks, I learned that we have similar values and morals, and we share many of the same interests, but we agreed that we would rather be friends first and see where that takes us. Just about everyone at our job is older than us (I'm 19 and he's 23). Because we are close in age, we became friends and flirted with one another, as typical friends our age often do. I occasionally found myself hanging around when he was on break, or visa versa. After a while, our older co-workers began spreading rumors that we were dating--although it wasn't true. At first, we denied the accusations every chance we could, but after a while, we kind of looked at each other and smiled when someone would mention that we would make a good couple or something like that. We've gone out (alone and with friends from work) a couple times, and I guess I can say that I have developed true feelings for him. He recently invited me over to his house and things started to change from there. He was having a couple friends over that night, so I went with him to pick up some stuff for the party. While we were there, he mentioned that he had to pick up some daily necessities like soap, shampoo, deodorant, etc. and he seemed to make it a point to have me choose my favorite scents of each. When we got back to his house, we decided to watch a movie before his friends got there. To me, it seemed awkward because I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up on the couch with him and watch the movie, but I know that we agreed on being friends first. Anyway, I stayed at his house well into the morning, and he was nothing but comforting the entire night--making sure I was having a good time, checking if I needed anything to eat or drink, etc. The whole night, I felt as if we had been dating for months, but after that night, I feel like things changed. I feel as though he is being distant now. At work, he acts like he did before that night--sticking around to chat, going out of his way to say goodbye, coming in early on the days that I get there before he does. Now when we're not at work, he never replies to my texts, he cuts our IM sessions short, and we just don't seem to talk as much outside of work.

What does all of this mean? I still have deep feelings for him, and I want to start a relationship with him, but I don't know where he is at in all of this. Do you guys think he ever really liked me? And if so, should I express my feelings towards him now, or should I wait it out and see what happens..

[Strength89]

Your best bet is to be direct and honest with him... not about your feelings (yet) but about why he's all of a sudden so distant from you after the one night you spent at his place.

[ja77]

Hi I have been having a read of your post and agree with what has been said above.

I think communication is the key word in what's happening. It sounds like you both talked a lot and spent a lot of time together until you stayed the evening and now things have changed.

It would be a good idea for you and this person to sit down and talk open with each other. You need to ask the other person what has changed ? And both of you need to listen to each other and get some communication going.

I would not go down the route of telling this person your love feelings etc until you feel they are feeling the same as you are.

[Jake2008]

While he may be easy to talk to on a friend level, perhaps he is a bit shy or uncomfortable with his feelings for you turning into something more.

He could be scared of himself is what I'm saying.

I wouldn't approach him for several reasons. For one he is clearly comfortable, for now, in the friend stage. He could be thinking he's pressuring you. He may not want to risk losing a frienship if you became boyfriend/girlfriend. You haven't really established exclusivity- for dates, activities together, outside of the one party. He could be the type of guy that needs to move very slowly, and doesn't want to say anything because he could put you off entirely. He may be thinking that YOU want more than friendship and that has scared him a bit.

Bottom line, my advice is to keep with the status quo for now. He simply may want to get to know you better before taking the leap into a relationship. Who knows what his past relationships have been like, he could be a bit afraid of repeating past experiences with breakups etc.

I'd say, don't even mention it until you have at least more time together, whether it be at work talking, online, or what have you.

[pinky011591]

Thanks, everyone, for your input! I am definitely going to have a sit down with him, not about my feelings for him, but just to clear the air about why things have changed. In reply to Jake2008, I just want to add that losing a friendship with him is one thing I am concerned about, too. I would rather be friends with him than nothing at all, so that is why I am so open for suggestions as to what to do in this situation. Also, we have had a bit of exclusivity in regards to dates and being together outside of the night of the party. We have gone out to dinner and a movie together numerous times, and he has offered to pay for me each time, but I am not the type of girl that does that. We take turns paying for each other's outings. We have also gone out with friends to lunch dates and dinner dates where we would sit next to each other and share meals and debate who was going to pay the bill this time, etc. That is why I am so confused as to why things changed after that night in particular. :\

Thanks again for your help. I really, truly appreciate it!

[QUOTE=Jake2008;2342161] He may not want to risk losing a frienship if you became boyfriend/girlfriend. You haven't really established exclusivity- for dates, activities together, outside of the one party.