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priscilla2007 · Dec 5, 2006, 06:22 PM

Hello my name is priscilla i live in n.y. i was with my daughter father for 3 e years and he was very abusive. Him and his mom when they found out i was pregnant wanted me to get an abortion and his mother was aware of all the physical and mental abuse i had a order of protection on him but it expired in june 2006 now his mother send me a summons stating she wanted visitation. She never had a real relationship with my daughter her father and i been separated now a year and a few months i was never married to her father. His mother lied on the patition claiming she had obtain custody of my daughter at birth whiich is a liee my daughter is 2 now and i been raising her alone then she claimed the last time she seen my daughter was at 6 months which is a lie she seen her this january of 2006 while my daughter was in her home she fell off her bed and she took pictures to use them on me. I do not want her to have visitation her son is currently living with her i filed for full custody, child support and renewed my order of protection can any one give me advice please the court day is december 14:mad: :(

LUNAGODDESS · Dec 5, 2006, 07:34 PM

First off the father has a right to his child, period. So, girl get use to that fact you pick him and had his child so, now according to you - you liked him. As the world turns he became of questionable behaviour. (according to you) But, you need to rid of that attitude... please let it go.

The issue of abuse will prevent daddy from custody. And just for that reason(abuse) alone the judge will deny him some parental rights on that point. Make sure you keep with the truth and take care of yourself; for you are no good to the baby if, you have issues about the baby's grandmother.

If the father wants his mother to see the child... that will happen, period. Everything else you stated sounds like a hussy rant.

It matters not what negative opinion the grandmother states to other people about you... the grandmother believes that hissy behavior she sport is in support of her son, (your baby father's mother will understand later that it helps not)

And for God's sake do not tell the judge what you stated here about the grandmother... again, I cannot express how important it is to stick to the issues and the concerns of the court.

The judge will ask do you trust the baby's grandmother... keep your emotions in check just say he has good aunts or nieces or nephews or cousins etc... please no expression of hatred to the Judge... it will look bad for you. The Judge can order child protected services to visit your home. He should order one to visit the baby daddy's mother home anyway, especially since he will say he is living with mommy (they all do)

Show the courts all your bills and do not feel sorry for the fool please donot feel sorry for the fool that reaction will be seen as a weakness on your part. I see it every time I advocate for some abuse woman... he can't afford that and my response is neither do you.

Make little eye contact with the man so you are not represented badly but, represented as the mature one... (I bet his mother will be there.)

I must be tried having problems concentrating... topic too sensitive... never deny the grandmother visitation for it will always turn bad on you if you do. So, be the best for the child... and do the best for the child, different worlds and hopfully positive experiences will help in the healthy development of the child.
It may not be her fault that he is abusive. But, if , you and the baby's father continue with these hostile attitude the cycle of abuse will continue.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 5, 2006, 07:41 PM

First have an attorney, most people lose because they don't know the legal system and get out attorneyed. They judge will rule on what evidece is presented to him to rule on. He will be looking for how many times you called the police on your ex ( police reports) he will be looking for evidence of who had the child and the such, ( witnesses, and other evidence)

Not all states have been very large into giving rights to grandparents but many states are starting to allow it.

Next your ex will most likely have a right to some level of visitation unless you have proved he is a danger to the child. And even then he may be allowed supervised visitation. It is very hard to deny the father visitation.

Remember he was a good catch when you were with him and had the child, so sadly we have to live our life with those choices we make in the past.

You also did not mention of the father is up to date with his child support, make sure that you have the court records where you had custody of the child and show that the court has awarded your custody.

priscilla2007 · Dec 6, 2006, 11:49 AM

Originally Posted by LUNAGODDESS

First off the father has a right to his child, period. So, girl get use to that fact you pick him and had his child so, now according to you - you liked him. As the world turns he became of questionable behaviour. (according to you) But, you need to rid of that attitude... please let it go.

The issue of abuse will prevent daddy from custody. And just for that reason(abuse) alone the judge will deny him some parental rights on that point. Make sure you keep with the truth and take care of yourself; for you are no good to the baby if, you have issues about the baby's grandmother.

If the father wants his mother to see the child...that will happen, period. Everything else you stated sounds like a hussy rant.

It matters not what negative opinion the grandmother states to other people about you...the grandmother believes that hissy behavior she sport is in support of her son, (your baby father's mother will understand later that it helps not)

And for God's sake do not tell the judge what you stated here about the grandmother...again, I cannot express how important it is to stick to the issues and the concerns of the court.

The judge will ask do you trust the baby's grandmother ...keep your emotions in check just say he has good aunts or nieces or nephews or cousins etc...please no expression of hatred to the Judge...it will look bad for you. The Judge can order child protected services to visit your home. He should order one to visit the baby daddy's mother home anyway, especially since he will say he is living with mommy (they all do)

Show the courts all your bills and do not feel sorry for the fool please donot feel sorry for the fool that reaction will be seen as a weakness on your part. I see it every time I advocate for some abuse woman...he can't afford that and my response is neither do you.

Make little eye contact with the man so you are not represented badly but, represented as the mature one...(I bet his mother will be there.)

I must be tried having problems concentrating...topic too senstive...never deny the grandmother visitation for it will always turn bad on you if you do. So, be the best for the child...and do the best for the child, different worlds and hopfully positive experiences will help in the healthy development of the child.
It may not be her fault that he is abusive. But, if , you and the baby's father continue with these hostile attitude the cycle of abuse will continue.

OK now to the two that replied to me thank you so much I really appreciate it. Now I never stated that the father has filed a petition for visitation it was his mother he does not want any thing to do with my daughter it is his mom he never paid any child support nor did he ever just gave me any money for the child now this mad attitude is b/ because the mother is a lying point blank she is very vindictive she allowed the abuse coming from her son on me she never did any thing to stop it no she will not get any visitation b/ because god do not like ugly and I know he is on my side I put my trust in him no one else. I been doing everything as a good mother now does my daughter have to suffer because her mother made a good decision to end the abuse that was going on? I could not do it he was violent towards the both of us I should have just got him arrested then I probably wouldn't be going through this mess now. I believe I am doing the best for my child I do not want her around the abuse and drugs he is inflicting with please tell me if I'm wrong yes I have all the police reports and everything that I need against him and her. He was not once again the one that took me for the visitation it was his mother that evil you know what:mad:

ScottGem · Dec 6, 2006, 12:26 PM

I agree with what Chuck told you about getting an attorney. Many people think all they need to do is go to court and tell the truth and things will go all right. But lawyers know how to manipulate the system. You need an attorney to prepare your for court. To get all your documents and proofs lined up. You can't just say that the grandmother lied unless you have facts to prove it. That's where an attorney can help you.

If you can prove to the court that the grandmother has lied, you stand a good chance of denying her visitation. But you NEED an attorney to make sure your proofs are acceptable to the court.

priscilla2007 · Dec 6, 2006, 06:17 PM

Thank U So Much Chuck I Really Appreciate It I Do Have A Lawyer She Is Helping Me His Mother And Him Are Representing There Self So I Might Have A Good Chance. I'm Praying That I Do Win Im Not Doing This To Be Mean My Daughter Is My Life And I Would Do Any Thing For Her Best Interest Now If The Situation Was Different Ok If He Was Abusive To Just Me And Once We Agreed To Go Our Separate Ways If Him N His Family Showed Me Some Type Of Support And Help Me With The Child Instead Of Taking Me To Court Knowing They Never Built A Relationship With My Daughter I Been Raising Her With My Husband Help Yes Im Married He Is In Jail Now But They Don't Know But Anyhow Back To My Child She Is In Good Health Up To Date With All Her Shots She Is In School One Time I Call The Hole Of Her Father N Told Him My Daughter Was Sick N He Told Me Why Do We Both Have To Be In The Hospital With Her Now Am I Wrong For Not Wanting Niether Of Them To See My Child His Mom Has A Two Bed And Her Son Lives There And His Twin Sis And His Mom Man I Don't Know That Man He Could Be A Rapist For All I Know Hell No I Rather Go To Jail B/ 4 That Hets Any Visitation

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2006, 08:56 PM

Oh I do know how you feel, my son who is 6 has only seen my mom twice, and did not even see him at all until he was 5.

Good luck, keep us posted on how it goes.

s_cianci · Dec 10, 2006, 06:27 PM

I don't know if NY recognizes grandparent's rights or not. Of course, the father has rights and, if he lives with his mother, then by default she'll get to see your daughter when her son does. You certainly can't keep him from visiting with his daughter. You can get supervised visitation if there are compelling reasons for doing so but from your post it doesn't sound like there really are any. Express concerns regarding his abusive behavior towards you ; that's going to be your best weapon.

LUNAGODDESS · Dec 12, 2006, 02:04 PM

Please, remember when with your attorney ( by the way is an excellent advice to have a attorney)please take the advice of your attorney and keep the fruit-age of a spirit (biblical term)in place. Meaning, use self control. Show yourself in the best of all lights. Keep facial expression limited to - only expressing your feeling - while addressing how you felt about the abuse you suffered under this person. Please, remember while you are there. You should be there to prove to the courts that you are the most fit of this child's parents. So, prove it by using self control. Hissy fits do not win you nothing/anything in a court of law. Prove the "abusive so and so" unfit then, you prove his mother could be of questionable standards/character.

Bluerose · Dec 12, 2006, 09:21 PM

Priscilla,

It is very important to see an attorney as soon as possible. Start now to keep any letters or emails from your daughter's father or his mother. Don't let them know you are keeping them. They may not be used as evidence but they will help you tell your story to an attorney. Also keep receipts of everything you buy for your child, they prove that she is being well taken care of. They also show how much you have paid in her care compared to what her father has paid.

I'm not against father's fighting for their rights or grandmother's fighting for theirs. (I have a young grandson living with me.) But I am against abuse, and if they were abusive to you, they could be abusive to the child. Not something to be ignored. Go see an attorney. And take care of yourself and your daughter.

Don't agree to anything with them, do it all through an attorney. And like someone said, stay calm. You want to keep your daughter then you must show that you can take very good care of her.

Bluerose · Dec 12, 2006, 10:02 PM

I'm in the UK so I don't know what rights they may have where you are. But if you fear for the child's safety that should be brought up with your attorney.

Just deal in facts, no name calling, especially once you are in court. Judges don't take kindly to hysterical women. You have to be seen to be able to take care of your daughter.

And, like LUNAGODDESS said, they may send someone out to inspect your home. So if it needs fixing up do it now.

If they get visitation rights, think carefully before agreeing to over-nights because your daughter is too young, and they are virtual strangers to her. Just a thought.

Good luck, keep us posted.