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lickemlolly · May 4, 2010, 05:22 AM

So I've kind of tried to stay away from rships for a while since them seem to end up badly... recently met someone... now in general conversation he says that he doesn't date and he will never get married because he never lets anyone stay around long enough.. I pay attention because I realize I kind of have a thing for him... as the weeks pass I really start to realize how much I like him... now he picks up on the fact that I like him... and to other people that are oblivious to what's going they start to approach me in general conversation and tell me that its obvious he likes me.. just how we interact with each other... we start spending time with one another... a couple weeks ago we took it to a physical level... unfortunantly for me that just makes me like him more.. im not like in love with him or anything... but about a week ago I asked him out.. something I don't do... its never been me... but he didn't answer me... he "sidestepped" the question... and when we joke around I asked him one day if he liked me... I even said its OK if you don't I won't take it personal.. and he didn't answer then either so I'm really confused... just wondering if maybe I'm wasting my time with this guy... we talk all the time and it so OBVIOUS that he is in to me.. just don't know what I should do

kctiger · May 4, 2010, 06:24 AM

How old are you two, if you don't mind me asking? Having sex with a guy who pre-proclaims he isn't into dating is kind of playing right into his hands. I can't really make any general judgments right now as there seems to be a lot of unanswered questions.

AmericanGirl01 · May 4, 2010, 07:23 AM

Kctiger is right, there seem to be a lot of unanswered questions. However, this guy has told you flat out that he doesn't date (ie no relationships) Are people capable of change? Of course. Maybe he just hasn't met anyone yet that is worth keeping around and being in a relationship with. However, that doesn't mean that he is going to change right now and obviously you can't force him to.

You've asked him out, he sidestepped the question, you've asked him if he likes you and he didn't answer. If I were you, I'd take a big step back and ask myself if this is all worth it.

In the past, I've seen many people go after that someone who "doesn't date and doesn't do the whole relationship thing", and more times than not, they just like the chase. They like the idea that they can be that someone that changes the other persons views... I don't know, I suppose it makes them feel special. I'm not saying that this is this case here, just really make sure your feelings are legit and you're not going after this guy just because he seems untouchable.

lickemlolly · May 4, 2010, 08:26 AM

I am 25 and he is 26 although I'm not entirely sure why age would matter here.. yes I agree that there are a lot of unanswered questioned however more importantly I find myself asking well why not just say so? If he didn't wannna do it if he didn't like me why not just say so? I have observed the fact that he may have been in some bad relationships and it could be part of the reason he may be hesitant.. I really don't know.. I can only go off KNOWN and observed facts... and what I do know is that we talk way to often for there not to be an interest umm there has been small gift exchanges like he has presented me with something and I him.. and we went out once and there was a movie I wanted and he offered to get it.. its not a big deal but for it to be nothing... idk I overthink things sometimes I think but I really am clueless

I wish · May 4, 2010, 08:36 AM

I suggest that you slow down the physical aspects. Are you sure you want a friends with benefits arrangement?

Why not spend time getting to know each other better. It's still the early stages. Who knows, maybe as you get to know him better you will like him more or it will have the reverse effect.

However, keep in mind that if you go into a relationship hoping the other person will change, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Why put yourself through that? If you're not on the same page from day 1, there's no guarantee that you'll ever get on the same page. Are you prepared for that risk?

The bottom line is that there are too many unanswered questions. So why not find some answers before committing any deeper.

lickemlolly · May 4, 2010, 08:50 AM

I totally get that.. we do talk often not sure if I said that.. but I've found things about him.. family.. lifestyle that type of thing... the more we talk the more that I find out about him... I think he is not the "norm" for what I usually date.. hes totally the opposite.. I tend to go for the mr bad guy that ends up being no good.. but he's a smart kid... has goals... is well established but the thing I like about him the most is his sense of humor... his ability to make me laugh no matter what... he often plays like much doesn't bother him but I caught a glimpse of his softer side one day... I was going through a rough day and he gave me the shoulder to cry on (not literally) but I wasn't expecting it from him.. anyways I'm not rushing into anything... im not the friends with benefits type.. at all... and like a good friend of mine told me (male type)... just because its not official doesn't mean you're not in a relationship.. I am hoping that he will commit to an "official" rship sometime in the future.. I really do like him

I wish · May 4, 2010, 08:58 AM

There's always a screening process before jumping into a relationship. Physical attraction sometimes overpowers personality.

Don't force yourself to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Sure, he might be a great guy friend to hang out with, but he might not be compatible with you as a boyfriend. Sounds like you're going to clash even before you start.

Cat1864 · May 4, 2010, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by lickemlolly

just wondering if maybe im wasting my time with this guy...we talk all the time and it so OBVIOUS that he is in to me..just dont know what i should do

How 'recent' is 'recently' in regards to having met him?

Be careful that you aren't projecting your feelings onto him. YOU may be 'into' him and trying to see hints of his feelings where there may be none. What you see as him being 'into' you may be his way of keeping you satisfied enough on an emotional level that you will stay available for physical activities.

What do you talk about? I can make a guess that the subject matter tends to stay away from anything truly personal. Frankly, if you can't discuss (both people, in turn, talking and listening) the relationship, there isn't one.

You need to talk with him instead of talking to him and getting ignored.

lickemlolly · May 4, 2010, 09:14 AM

we talk about everything... work his family my family... we do get personal... and I'm not looking for him to be attracted to me.. matter of fact I didn't even pick up on it until one of my co workers said something about it.. and then I kind of brushed that off until a few more people randomly mentioned it.. we do talk personally... idk what it is... and to the comment before about attractiveness.. umm he is OK looking but I'm really attracted to his personality.. ill put it this way.. im not in love with him... we are in a position now where we cannot see each other at all.. we are quite a distance away from each other but we keep in close contact... and we have been talking a couple months now