[bobthebehr]

My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 1/2 years and we're starting to contemplate marriage. Almost every aspect of relationship is perfect. We understand each other and he can pretty much read my mind and finish my sentences for me. However, our sex life sucks. For the past six months I have yet to get off. I've tried being direct (without hurting his ego), telling him that it feels good when you do this or touch me there. I don't think he's quite caught on. We get ready to rock the bed and it seems like he has two moves, squeeze my boobs till they're sore and hunt for g-spot. When the clothes come off I'm turned off and ready to just roll over and go to sleep. If I do relent (which I do more often than not), the sex lasts maybe ten minutes(and we've tried climax control and it was no go). And then he rolls over and goes to sleep instantly while I'm stuck sexually frustrated smoking cigarettes and watching crappy TV. We've had good sex(good but never really great) before so it leaves me wondering it maybe we've lost our spark or we've just been stuck in a routine rut. I've tried sugguesting all sorts of things to get the passion back in the bed room, but none seem to stick to his mind and it's jack rabbit sex all over again. I'm a very sexual being, but the only time I' seem to get off these days is by myself. I really love him and would hate to leave him for something that seems so petty. But I would also hate to marry him and cheat on him five years later because I'm not satisfied sexually. Can a marriage last if the sex sucks? And are there any sugguestions on how I to change this?

[Synnen]

Start by saying "no".

MAKE him work for it--seriously, make him get you off with NO expectation of getting off himself.

HOWEVER--you need to talk about this with him, sometime when you're NOT in bed. He needs to know that this could be (and SHOULD be!) a deal breaker. Sex that is only good for one half of the partners isn't a relationship--that's being used.

If it doesn't work to talk to him about it while denying him UNTIL he satisfies you, then maybe you need to talk to a counselor about it--together.

[CravenMorhead]

Yup, you got yourself a selfish lover, or an ignorant one at least. He has his moves and he thinks he's hot stuff.

Synnen has some awesome advice. This is where you say, me first. Let him know that your breasts aren't dough and don't need kneading; they're not going to rise any more.

It is going to be a big hit to his ego that is for certain, but you need to sit him down and tell him that he's coming up short. Let him know what you need and until they're met no fun time for Mr. Happy.

Can a marriage last when the sex sucks? Yes. Is it going to be a happily ever after? Not likely. When the difference in libido between husband and wife is very great, it will tend to unbalance other parts of their life. It would be a hard to last like that.

You need to train him to love you better.

[Homegirl 50]

He either doesn't care are doesn't know, my bet is he doesn't care since you have talked to him about this.
Talk to him about what he is doing and or not doing to please you. Suggest you two read some books or watch an instructive film on sexuality, get some ides on what he can do for you and that you both should be enjoying this. Maybe do some couple counseling.
Do this before you get married. Don't take this problem to the marriage, you'll have enough without starting with something you know is wrong.

[Gemini54]

No I don't think that a marriage can survive long term if the sex sucks - particularly if one person feels frustrated by it.

What I read in your post is that you're with someone that doesn't listen. Not listening can be highly contagious and may well spread to other areas of your relationship. If he's not prepared to put in the effort to please you sexually, what other areas of your life will he eventually decline to be involved in?

I suggest that you need to sort this out in counselling. It's not a trivial part of your relationship - it's the part where you connect spiritually and emotionally as well as physically, and as two human beings that love each other.

Why would you want to start your life together as married couple with one part of your lives being less than perfect?

Don't settle for second best - drag him to counselling (kicking and screaming if you have to) and see where his real commitment to your marriage and your future together is.

[Larken85]

I wish my girl could go for longer than ten minutes without the help of lube. I wish my girlfriend would tell me where to hit. She just expects me to know. Its ridiculous really. I was a virgin before her, I haven't slept with anyone else. How am I to know how to hit her g-spot? I've only given her vaginal orgasms twice in two years. And I can't seem to just copy it.

However the female orgasm has a lot to do with mood too. It's a mental thing. If you are not into it, you will not reach climax. Or so I have heard here several times. He definitely needs to learn to use oral on you though, that is the building block. Its not a hard process either. Its very very simple in fact. And personally I love doing it myself.

Get him to watch some of that Talk Sex with dr. Sue Orman show (I think that's what its called at least.) Have him learn techniques and get them hard wired into his brain. Even if he only learns one more move that would be better than nothing. This is what you need to do though, NO attention to Mr. Happy If Miss Happy is left alone. He needs to use his hands (gently), his... well I am sure you know what you want him to do. But I am going to private message you something that he will love to do I think. ;)

Also, Just talk to him and be gently blunt saying, "Dude, You haven't pleased me in a long time. I am bored with your skills in bed and before we even breach the marriage conversation again you are going to have to listen to and learn how to please me the right way." It may be harsh, but it will get the point across the most potent way, through his pride. He believes that he is good, when he learns that he is a sucky lover, then he is going to freak out and always try to be better.

[bardmoor]

If the sex is lousy, guaranteed the marriage will be the same.

[smoothy]

I don't think you should marry anyone when everything isn't good.

You are only setting yourself up for failure if you EXPECT whatever is wrong to mysteriously change just because a ring goes on your finger.

Oh things change all right... but not always for the better.

[jenniepepsi]

I think your going about this the wrong way.
The question isn't 'should I marry him even though the sex is bad'

The question should be
'can I live WITHOUT him even though the sex is bad'

[Homegirl 50]

If the sex starts bad and you have a willing and listening partner, it can get better and good.

I was a virgin when I got married, the sex was OK but not great. It took us a while for him to learn and me to express what I liked.

In your case I don't know. Do you think he cares enough to work on it?
Sex is important. It's not everything but it is important and bad sex from a lazy partner can get old.