[auckland11]

Found out through a reliable source that my brothers wife is having an affair with a married man. I had a feeling something was going on and now my hunch is true. What do I do?

[Curlyben]

It's NOT your place to actually do anything, after all it's NOT your marriage.

That being said maybe a quiet word to your sister in law about what you know might be a plan.

[Jake2008]

My opinion is, it is not your place to say or do anything, particularly on third hand information, commonly known as gossip.

Unless it comes directly from your brother, you should not be involved. If you say something to your brother, and this rumour turns out to be untrue, you risk your relationship with him, and your sister in law.

[Cat1864]

'Reliable sources' are not always correct in their information. Usually people who pass on rumors have their own agenda that they are trying to work on. Are you positive that your source doesn't have reasons to embellish their 'facts'? Do you have anything against your sister-in-law (besides 'thinking about what she may be doing) that this 'information' could be feeding into?

I have to agree that it is not your place to say anything especially to your brother. If you are concerned, but are not trying to discredit her for your own reasons, quietly let your sister-in-law know about the rumors. Hopefully, that would be enough.

[Homegirl 50]

I say keep your mouth shut. It's none of your business.
If it is trure, your brother will eventually find out just like you did. If it's not, no harm done.

[Gemini54]

Unless you've seen evidence with your own eyes, this is a really difficult situation. Chances are your 'source' may well be right, but it's still third hand information.

If you really want to follow through with it, get the evidence for yourself and then speak to your SIL. It's her responsibility to deal with her marriage not yours.

Beware though. Most often in these cases the messenger gets shot- regardless of what the truth is.

Sometime it's best to grit your teeth and pretend you know nothing.

[Rich11111]

While people are right that this is none of your business, I wouldn't be able to do nothing if this were my brother.

If you are sure about this then I would talk to your sister in law.

[Alty]

People that poke their noses into other peoples business often get that nose punched.

It's not your concern. This is between your brother and his wife. The only option you have is to discreetly talk to the wife, let her know that you're aware of this (if it is in fact true) and that she needs to figure out what to do about her relationship with your brother.

After that, walk away. When/if the poo hits the fan, be there for your brother. That's all you can do.

[Catsmine]

I would discretely mention to the sister-in-law that you're hearing odd stories. After that, leave be.

[startover22]

I would say do not say anything. This is not your place, I also think it would ruin anything relationships you have with her and your brother! As hard as it is to know an awful bit of info like this, it is best to hush up. Leave it alone and it will be seen before you loose your "keeping a secret control"! Good luck

[Jake2008]

If it helps- this happened to me.

I was counselling a woman who was having some personal and financial problems many years ago. During our visits, she confided that she had an ogoing affair with a local man. It happened to be one of my best friends' husband, and she didn't have a clue.

I debated and debated whether to tell her, or drop hints, or keep my mouth shut. Really, in this type of situation there are only two options, and no between.

I decided not to say anything for obvious reasons, particularly professionally, and the affair went on for God only knows how long.

I moved across the country, and later found out that the affair was discovered, and they split.

Also what I learned was that the marriage itself had far more problems than I thought they did, and the affair was the icing on the cake.

In other words, neither party was 100% fault free for the marriage problems. None of my friends were aware of anything other than a great marriage (seemingly), and him being the monster for having an affair.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you may be aware of only one factor, and you have no idea if he too has cheated, or has problems he keeps to himself, such as gambling, drinking, etc. His private life he may keep private but, it may have some contributing problems that have resulted in the affair.

If you think of the possible consequences of telling your brother, or her, what you have heard, you risk opening up a can of worms. Each will have their own take on things, and people who defend their actions often back it up with reasons.

In retrospect, I was glad I didn't tell my friend, although I felt I was betraying her.