[DonnySummer]

I love your videos , great job you are helping on many different levels. I feel that you can shed some light on my crazy situation and Ill just give you a little info about my situation and ask you what you think:

I had a GF for 7-8yrs (we are both scorpios ) and everything was fine. She talked about breaking up about 2 months ago. I said "If that is what you want because you are not sure about me, I totally support your decision and admire you for the courage to take this step. You have my full support and I will try to always be your friend, I love you and you can count on me I want you to be free and happy and if that is not with me then I support you 100 per cent" basically.

Well she said she would want contact with me because "it would bias me in your (mine) favor". Well "OK" I said, and I have given her space for a solid and long, somewhat dark and confusing 6-8 weeks.

I thought she was going to eventually come back to me on her own for many reasons.

It has been 2 months now and this is now really starting to hurt for real. So I called her up yesterday because I missed her and wanted to know what was going on with our lives. She said she does not want to do with me anymore because she does not love me anymore and maybe even never did. That there is just "no more chemistry" between us. That she has been going out with other guys. I reckon some sexual problem but I can say that I do make her orgasm regularly and that she sais this is not because of sex at all, yet there is just no chemistry and no spark/magic in our relationship. I just don't agree at all with any of this and feel completely cheated/robbed by life. She sais its her not me and that I could not have been a better BF ;her friends/family seem to agree.

So I went to her house after this brief phone intro, I wanted to get this straight in person. She starts about how she does not love me anymore, I try to play it cool but it was just too much. I just couldn't handle this and just eventually the tears started flowing. I said this was a nightmare and basically denying the situation inside of me at a deep subconscious level. I felt great negativity and aversion towards her. She had the strange energy and eyes of being with someone else and everything about her just hurt.

I left the house and in my car I just had to go back to her and tell her something I did not even know what. She came to the door she was also sort of sobby, she asked me if I needed a Hug I said no. There was some serious aversion energy between her and me I just could take her hug. I don't even know what I said to her but she thanked me for it. I just couldn't deal with leaving.

So I couldn't deal with the reality of this on my way to my place and I called her because I just wanted her to know how I really felt inside because I had been trying to play it cool for all these weeks and I thought she never really had gotten to understand my feelings about all of this. It got psychotic.

So she ended crying with me and she's like "well you have to move on now you are a very talented good looking guy; you will surely find another person" and I was just a little unbalanced to say the least. Needless to say she was my dream come true as a GF and she is all that I would ever want we even have a band together, we share deep spiritual connections and this is just too sad to realize what had happened. Many people saw us as a perfect relationship. My friend just can't believe this has happened.

Today I sort of messed up again by calling her cell about 25 times (she won't answer) and her house like 14, I left her a message asking her how does she say "we can be friends" but does not pick up the phone and is virtually unavailable to me. But this is after yesterday so I understand. I just want to say I am sorry for being psychotic and losing my cool, that I support her decision and that we can be friends.

I honestly believe I am the one for her and she for me, and that no one will ever be able to love her as much as I do because I do seriously believe I owe my life to her at this date for some other matters that are a bit off topic here.

Well I just want to know what you think I should do now. I tried to go hang out today with my friends and go to my day job I just couldn't deal with trying to teach kids to play guitar and crying at the same time.

I guess I should I just move on in life and suck it up like a man, and forget about her all together and move on and just forget about this and not even think about getting back to her? This is what her friend told me to do. To party hard and meet new women; but this is much deeper to me than just meeting new women or being dumped. This is a very deep, spiritual issue. Its very strange I get these depressive pangs and it's a bit scary how sad I feel all of a sudden when I realize how much I loved this person and what she meant for me.

Your input will be highly valued. Thank you for your time if you got to the end of this I want to wish you a very wonderful life and the best to you.

[amicon]

I'm sorry for your loss and your pain,breakups are tough.

You have to accept,however,that her feelings have changed and that you need to heal and start moving on.

Go immediate no contact and stop all communication with her-see it as a detox.

Then you start the healing process by keeping active,see friends and family and do things you enjoy.

Don't date until you are over the ex-dont jump into rebound relationships,but rather get to know more people and make new friends.

It'll be a tough road to travel for a bit,but you will get through this-we all have.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for more advice.

All the best to you.

[the_original]

Hey man
Sorry to hear about your break up... it truly does suck when things like this happen.

The really crappy thing is... all you can do is back off and give her space. The whole friendship thing? Way to soon. Honestly man your going to kill yourself trying to be friends with someone you shared romantic feelings with for 8 years. That is not happening, unless you have a heart made of stone. All you can do right now is mourn the loss. It's OK to be hurt, all of us are when this happens. You can take steps to make it hurt less day by day though. Start by doing small things-re arrange your place... start working out, go out with friends. It's not going to seem like its helping at first, but you got to be strong and have faith in yourself and eventually it does get better.

Don't feel like you have to "suck it up like a man"... fact is dude I think we as men take break ups a lot more worse than women. Its an ego crusher, it confuses us, and most of the time the reasons they give us seem like they came out of nowhere and make absolutely no sense. You have to learn to accept her decision, and I hate to say it but treat her like an ex. In your situation (length of relationship) you need to make a clean break and NC all the way. No text, no call, no Facebook or myspace, none of that BS. The less you know about her life at this point the easier you will make it on yourself in the end. Read through some other peoples stories on this sight and you will see that this method if applied with the right length of time, works wonders. Use this time to do all the things you have neglected the past few years... take care of yourself!

[talaniman]

Break ups suck, especially really long ones when the bond, and attachments are so deep.

But I think your best bet is, to accept it being over, and start to find out who the heck you are as a free, and single individual.

Just curious, how do you go 8 years, and not have a future planned, and working it? Did you live together, kids??

[DonnySummer]

Thank you all for your help, it is very valuable for me.

We had a very bright future ahead of us. We were going to move out together to grad school we chose art careers and we were working together as artists, we lived very close to each other so we decided to save the money.

How can I prevent this from happening to me again?

[talaniman]

You can't. No one can predict the future or if a relationship will work long term or not. You had 8 years and that's something to be grateful for, as you learned a lot no doubt. After you have coped with your loss, you will be like the rest of us, wiling to take a risk with our hearts yet again. Personally, I have been dumped a number of times, and have no regrets, since it eventually led to the one I finally married, and that was many decades ago.

But when you go through a break up, it sucks, and hurts for a while, but it doesn't kill you.

The good thing is you're young, and can bounce back even better for the experience.

[Gemini54]

I'm so sorry that you feel so terrible - it's like having your heart ripped out of your chest and your guts kicked in isn't it?

The reality is, she didn't want to be with you any more, but she didn't have the guts to come straight out and tell you. She thought she could go out with other guys and keep you waiting while she made up her mind about what she wanted to do.

These are not the actions of a 'soul mate' or a person with whom you have a deep spiritual bond. There is no compassion or understanding here, there is only selfishness and dishonesty.

I honestly believe I am the one for her and she for me, and that no one will ever be able to love her as much as I do because I do seriously believe I owe my life to her at this date for some other matters that are a bit off topic here.

There is no point in continuing to stab yourself in the heart by believing that you are fated to be together and that no one will love her like you do. You can't know this and in any case, she doesn't believe it.

Stop ringing her. Man you're being really obsessive - do you want her to end up hating you? Understand that you will feel sad and soon you'll feel mad and angry with her. It's OK to feel sad, cry and feel confused. You can't bypass these emotions because you need to feel them in order to heal.

Focus on the present, not who you might meet in the future. Focus on each day and do what you need to do to recover from the shock and the grief. You will be OK. It just takes time, and time is all you have.