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catrick · Dec 5, 2006, 10:03 AM

Hi, my husband and I adopted our (now 13 year old) niece almost a year ago. She had been living with us in our custody since she was 11. Her bio mom is calling and stirring up trouble. She told my daughter that she "has a cat in the bag" that will prove the adoption is illegal. I know what the bio mom is referring to. Whenever she gets mad at the bio dad, she'll tell him that he's not her real father (she got pregnant when they were very young and didn't get married until after she was born). On her original birth certificate there was no father listed (again, she was mad at him at the time and he wasn't there for the birth so it was left blank). Her and the asumed bio father signed away their rights but she's now saying he's not the dad so she can reverse the adoption and take our daughter back. Regardless of who the father is (even though she's probably lying), she still signed her rights away and the fact that there may be a different dad, it doesn't change the fact that she has no rights anymore correct? Could our adoption be reversed because of this and some random guy might have rights to our daughter? Or once the adoption has gone through, the records are sealed and since the assumed father acted as her father and also signed away his rights, that will be the end of it. We just want to be able to know we can ignore her threats and get a restraining order if needed to keep her out of our lives.

ScottGem · Dec 5, 2006, 11:01 AM

She signed her rights away, so she has no claim. What she would have to do, IF someone else is the biological father, is get him to file for custody. This means he would have to take a paternity test. Then get a court to overturn the adoption. If someone else is the biological father, then there is a pretty good possibility, that he could get custody if he files for it. This does NOT mean, however, that the adoption was illegal, since it was done based on the facts known at the time. But it could be overturned.

What you have to weigh is whether she is telling the truth that another person was the father, that she can find this person, that he would be willing to file for custody and raise the child. Those seem to me to be very big IFs. If she just gets him to file and then turns over the child to her and disappears, you can go after her for fraud and get the kid back. Remember, she can't just say there was another father to void the adoption. The real father would have to show up and prove his claim first.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 5, 2006, 04:26 PM

Yes, Scott is correct, The mom has no rights, she gave allof them away.

And the man who signed has no rights, ( this would have been a good time for a DNA test to be sure before the adoption) but if it is proved he is not the father and the real father is found and comes forward and wants custody.
( and not sure why they would) they could attempt to overturn the adoption.

But honestly, it sounds like you got custody for a reason, and you need to stop contact with the birth mom who is only causing hurt for this child.

And worry about the what if, if and when it ever happens

catrick · Dec 6, 2006, 06:26 AM

Thank you very much for your responses! I was hoping she would have no rights any longer no matter if the assumed bio father really isn't. I can't see her spending money to find who she thinks the real father is and then that guy spend money to go through all the court process required to get custody of a 13 year old child that he didn't even know about. I was mainly concerned about the possibility of her paperwork getting overturned. Since she'll have no rights no matter what, we can breathe easier. Thanks again :-)

ScottGem · Dec 6, 2006, 06:54 AM

That's basically the point I was making. I agree its unlikely you have anything to worry about. Just be aware that the possibility exists that the real bio father (if he exists) can and might file for custody, if he becomes aware of the child. One possible (though remote) scenario I can see is maybe the guy has married, but he and his wife can't conceive and want a child.

As I said, it's a remote possibility. I just like to cover all the bases.

jrussole · Dec 7, 2006, 04:35 PM

I believe this biological mother is trying to manipulate you. She is pulling on heart strings, because she knows that is the only avenue she has ground to stand on. It is important to remember that she is the biologial mother. And it is imperative no matter how manipulative she is that someday your child may want a relationship with her. For whatever the reason. Try to keep an honest and open discussion that your child can understand about your feelings about this situation. She isn't a baby any longer. But she is your baby. I am sure at the age of 13, she has an opinion. Please listen to her heart. While again, protecting her from being hurt. Reinforcement of love and commitment is important at this time. I wouldn't take an angry approach to this matter. Yet, I would make it a point not to allow anyone from hurting my child in any manner. If she has proof, let her show it. If she has another man to state that he is the father, let her show it in a court of law. Whereby, you may be in for the fight of your life if he decides he wants custody. Personally, I would seek legal counsel. And possibly have documentation of every conversation with the biological mother. Make a journal to protect yourself and YOUR child. Also, ask if there is a process of having your home, your relationship with both bmother, child and the situation you are in evaluated. It may help in the long run. If she continues to harass you or your child, put a restraining order on her.