[rytter]

Well to begin this,

This is my first post ever. I just googled advice and this cite came up, so here it goes!

I was in a relationship for pretty much 4 years. March 19 was our anniversary.

-The story-

So I had been with this girl for four years, and it was both of our firsts. I had pretty much done anything and everything to make life easier for this girl, I loved her with my whole heart. She grew up in a tough area, or a ghetto or whatever you want to call it. She had no father, no anything. She's very anti-social and depressing. For the first three years of our relationship I had drove her back and forth to work, and to college. Were we both attended the same work and college. We had a cute little notebook that we both wrote into when one of us was in class and the other was waiting in the car. She never really put anything into the relationship money wise, but she had a great heart and was a very good girl for the most part. Her brother has autism, and I always used to take him to the movies with us and take him out to have fun. I even gave him $500 dollars worth of Polo clothes, and I helped him get a laptop. I even used my credit line to help get this girl a Computer, and a Monitor. She wanted a brand new phone, I went out and got it for her sidekick or whatever it was. I showered her with jealoury and our anniversaries and on birthdays, christmas etc etc. She always wanted an iPod I went out and got it for her. I did everything for this girl, what more could a girl see in a man, if he is willing to do her good, rather than be selfish and do for himself. She trusted me with everything all of her emotions and problems, she was a great catch. Yea we got into fights, and her maturity level was kind of lacking, she always used to get jealous if I talked to other girls etc etc. She was kind of mentally different or whatever, usually has a very bad temper, I don't know she was a crazy latina! But anyway, I went to Florida this December for a great job, she was excited for me and she said we should take a break etc since I was moving away. She was destroyed and I knew it from all the body language and everything, but this job was 1,300 a week and I would be set for life! It was with Pepsi, and in Florida, I tried to get her to move down with me but she wanted to finish up school, and felt like she had to do her own thing. So two months go by, and than we really weren't talking too much I was in my own world with a brand new life, doing great. She started talking to me again out of no where, said that she was pregnant, and I quit my job DROVE 1,500 miles back to New Hampshire from Florida, and to find out that she had lied to me about the whole pregnancy just to get me back. I was bull, cause now I'm back home unemployed and just sitting dwelling about how I screwed everything up over some girl. So I try to act like it doesn't bother me with everything that happens, we keep getting in fights. I finally get some side work this is February and than I removed her as a relationship status on my facebook(which was childish and dumb) because she was angry that I couldn't see her every night, because I had work at 5am everymorning that week. So a week goes by, and like an idiot I try and get back with her after I dumped her. Now she comes over and tells me that she is going to take this opportunity to live her life with no regrets, and get over me finally. Im devastated, I sit there and beg like a dog, crying letting all my emotions flow. I have never cried in my life since I was 12 and I'm 24 years old. She leaves, a day goes by I text her, she responds saying she's sticking to her guns, and she wants me to realize how bad I effed up. So than I let the days go by, texting and calling she ignores it, than on our 4 year anniversary March 19, I sent her two dozen roses, that cost me 180 and I'm unemployed, so it took a lot for me to come up with that. She ignored it, I texted ignored it, I broke down and called her 50 times in a row ignored it. Than I dumped her stuff off at her house that notebook that we had written everything in, at her house with the teddy bear that she used to cuddle with while I was away in Florida. She called me on a private number (cause she changed her number) flipped out, said never ever go to her property again. So after that a I notice trash bags at my house with all my clothes, etc. were talking via e-mail cause she won't give me her number, someone hacked her Facebook and she blamed me, came to me for help with it, but still in the end blamed me for all of it. I helped her shut down the Facebook account, after that couple more days go by more stuff ends up in my driveway in trash bags. Than I put together all her love notes, cards and all stuff that had emotional value it in a trash bag and left it in her driveway. She never talked about it, sent me an e-mail saying hi, etc etc, nothing special. I let time go by etc, than April 16 I sent her an e-mail, saying how its time for me to put my two feet forward, and worry about myself from now own, explaining how I felt betrayed and all my emotions, for closure for myself, and wishing her luck telling her she was a great girl, and she will find a great man in time, very respectful and responsible. She never responded, and its been almost two weeks. But something dire has happen, she burned a teddy bear at a friends bonfire, and had her friend post the pictures of it on Facebook? Seriously, is she doing this for attention or wants a response out of me? Its been almost 2 weeks of complete no contact. What do I do? And why did she burn that and post it on Facebook? HELP!


oh I forgot, she was a huge part of my family. When I was in Florida she would always visit my mother and hang out with my two dogs, for rememberence of me. She was definitely a keeper, but with all that's going on I'm just so jaded. The worst part is I'm unemployed for two months now, and I just sit and dwell, because I don't have money to do anything. Best part is WHILE I was in Florida, she called me asking for money for school cause she needed help, I sent her 300 dollars threw the wal-mart money center, than a week later she needed money for gas, and her girlfriends where having a party, and she needed to get stuff for it, and I sent her another 100 dollars. Gasp, I hate this

[bloooooper7]

Lied to you about being pregnant to get you back and ruin an opportunity for to succeed. Maybe the relationship wasn't going to work because you two were apart. But I mean that's so selfish and inconsiderate to ruin your opportunity like that.

And the stuff after that... She sounds nuts to me man. And I know how you feel did most of everything for my ex too, I also got desperate and stuff trying to hold on after we broke up. Just learn, don't feel bad about it your not the first nor the last to do that.

If I was you I'd accept it's over. Go NC. Then in a while realize how lucky you are to get away from selfish, lying, teddy bear burning nutcase...

But that's just me :).

[talaniman]

After all you have been through, stop reading her face book, and go NC forever, and get a job, and keep your money. Let that be a lesson to you next time, giving gifts is not love, its payment for company when its not returned or appreciated.

The next one has to be better, it just has to be. She sounds like the worst thing that could happen to a nice guy.

[rytter]

Its just so weird, and hard at the same time. Because I came back for her, and she knows this. And she leaves me when I'm at my all-time low? Is she just looking for attention though when she burned that teddy bear? And do you think she will ever communicate with me again, and IF so do I just ignore it? Or ask for a motive to all the deceit, and deception?

[talaniman]

Maybe you should take this as your eyes are finally open to her true character and motives.

That's why you leave this one alone.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

Talaniman Rule- When you get dumped, why go back, and get dumped again.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

[rytter]

Yea I do see it that way too, but as far as IF she tries to communicate with me again? What do I do? I mean she was a huge part of my life, and yea there was some good in this relationship it wasn't completely one sided.

[amicon]

IF she does,I suggest you ignore her.

Leaving this in the past and moving on is your best option.

[talaniman]

You ignore her forever. Did you read my rules? Read them again, and understand you have allowed her to ruin your life enough. That's not a friend to have, or something to go back to.

How about ignoring her forever. Especially since now your broke, and she is the last thing you need if/when you do get a job.

Anything involving her would be a very foolish waste of time, money, and effort, plus why reward bad behavior with letting her back into your life? She simply doesn't deserve it, does she?

Comes a time in every mans life that a pretty face, and sweet words, JUST DON'T CUT IT, any more.

[rytter]

I see where you guys are coming from, but what if she is sincerely sorry, and talks to me like a human being? I mean I will ignore her if its in my best intentions, but if she does keep persistantly making contact with me, and does try and reconcile with me on a nice note? Why not give it another chance? I kind of prevoced all of this onto myself in a sense, I did dump her first childishly on Facebook, I didn't even tell her face to face


Oh and the whole bear burning? Is that just out of anger? Or does she actually just want my attention, because of my well written e-mail telling her respectfully that she is a great girl, and that I have to worry about myself from this point out

[talaniman]

Oh well, I guess you didn't get it rammed to you enough, and think she was just mad, and not evil.

That's why I said you allowed her to do what she did. Go ahead allow her a second chance to do it again.

she had lied to me about the whole pregnancy just to get me back. I was bull, cause now im back home unemployed and just sitting dwelling about how i screwed everything up over some girl. So I try to act like it doesn't bother me with everything that happens, we keep getting in fights. I finally get some side work this is February and than i removed her as a relationship status on my facebook(which was childish and dumb) because she was angry that i couldnt see her every night, because I had work at 5am every morning that week.

Am I missing something, or are you? Go ahead, buy her something else, when she gets mad again, and she will for certain, she will burn that too!

[rytter]

I hate to admit it, and in fact your right. I know I can live without her, to be honest I just don't really dwell on it all that much, its just the possibility of her coming back, because she is going to realize how good she had it with me. I'm just torn, I really appreciate your advice, but I'm just so blahh, get me?

[bloooooper7]

There's good days and bad days. Just don't justify her behavior by blaming yourself. If you go back you will just get more hurt sooner or later.

Put your focus elsewhere and it'll get better.

[talaniman]

Over time, you will not be so BLAH, as you recover from getting off this highly emotionally charged roller coaster. Blah is good sometimes.

[chuff]

Rytter, I believe some day you will see this two faced skank as I do.

This woman lied to you about being pregnant. This woman forced you to quit a job you liked. This woman made you buy her stuff for years. This woman left you at the lowest point in your life. What you owe her at this point is not more time or money or understanding. This is one of the worst case's I've seen on this site of a woman abusing a man through emotional leverage and games. Reread everything Tal has wrote and then reread it again. You are a victim of abuse and your so blinded by love that you don't even realize it. Her not being in your life is the biggest and best gift you've ever got. Cherish it and love it because your life has got better without her in it, and I guarantee in 6-8 months from now you'll look back and realize what happened and realize just how luck you were to get out.

[rytter]

Thank you for all your advice, and I'm going to completely ignore this girl. This is the best gift, even though its so hard to digest all of this.. but life goes on.

Ill keep you updated if she tries to contact me

[chuff]

thank you for all your advice, and im going to completly ignore this girl. this is the best gift, even though its so hard to digest all of this.. but life goes on.

ill keep you updated if she tries to contact me

It is hard to digest this all at one time. It's a life change but if this woman good for you, we'd all be saying "Rytter don't let her go." Instead, we are all saying, "Rytter get over this hump and life WILL be better without her." I think because you've spent 4 years with her, you have come to assume that all relationships are like this. They are not. I mean I have dealt with some women that I wish bad things on, but for the love of all things holy, this woman told you she was pregnant to force you to leave a job you loved. THAT IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE!!

My God, on the flip side look at how many guys out there when they really hear that there girl is pregnant take off. Instead, you quit a job and came back. Don't tell me there isn't a girl out there that would be interested in someone who is loyal, self sufficient, and puts family first. Don't tell me you can't find someone better. I'll take it a step further, let's say you can't. You are still better off then being around her. It's better to be single then to be used and abused which is exactly what she was doing to you.

It is hard when there is a sudden loss, but at the same time many great things in people's lives came from moments like you are currently in. Now is the time to heal and then to learn what not to do in the future. In the future the gifts stop. In the future no money is given out. She's a woman and they have had equal rights for over 100 years tell her to get a job. I serious too, tell her those exact words. She'll know not to continue to ask you, and she'll know you take yourself seriously, so she'd better as well. I find it incredibly insulting when people ask me for money. But she wasn't even broke, she was having parties with your money. How you treat yourself tells a woman how she can treat you. Do not give away what you worked for. What you worked for you appreciate and she should as well. Do not take what you have for granted and she will learn to not take it for granted either.

[rytter]

Well I never receive blocked calls from anyone other than my grandparents because there ultra old, and have a block on there number, so I received a call Friday at noon, no message no anything. I call my grandparents and it wasn't them, I don't know. It felt good not picking it up!

[amicon]

Stay with that feeling and never pick up!

[rytter]

So today, I had to drop off the last of her stuff, and I went to her house. In the ghetto mind you, and I knocked knocked knocked no answer, her car was the only one in the driveway. Than I read on it that there was a for sale sign, with a number.. so I called the number and got her on the phone... she came outside, and her face was covered in acne, and had huge crators on her face, she looked like complete . I had a fresh polo white tee on and some fresh sneakers, with some designer jean shorts. And I have been working out lately, so my muscles where poppin. So I gave her what I had to give her, and she goes how did you get my number, I pointed to the car. Than she said do I have to get a restraining order, and I went don't worry about it I won't be back here, I don't have a reason to anymore. So than I can I get my money that I had sent you while I was in Florida, and she goes I'm losing my job. I don't have any money right now, but I promise I will get that to you once I do. So moral of the story, she's losing her car, losing her job, and looks like complete . Does love really make you that blind? But here's the dilema, member how I said I used to do everything for this girl, I think she is going to try something once she hits rock bottom to get back with me, because I was such a huge support in her life. Karma is such a .

[chuff]

[QUOTE=rytter;2340187] Than she said do I have to get a restraining order, [QUOTE]

Feel free to hit me with some reddies people and do not follow through with this but if ever a woman deserved to smacked upside her head it is this thing. I'm just absolutely stunned. After all these lies about pregnancy, taking money, and making you quit your job, she now threatens a restraining order.

I truly have no words.