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pathfinder005 · Apr 28, 2010, 06:41 AM

My mom died 13 years ago. For many years I had no problem with this. In the last 2-3 months I have thoughts of her everyday. I love her but it is distracting at times. What can I do?? Is this common??

smoothy · Apr 28, 2010, 06:59 AM

Its not unusual to have periods you think of a deceased parent frequently. Even this many years after it happened. You always will. Trust me... I lost a parent not much time before you did.

But IF it becomes so often and intense it interferes with your normal life, perhaps its time to consider counceling. You are way past the intital greiving period.

Cat1864 · Apr 29, 2010, 11:48 AM

It may not be about her memory as much as it is about something happening in your life right now. Did something happen that has caused you to think more about her?

From my own experience, having my first child, the birth of my daughter (second child), reaching the age she was when she died, and a couple of others were events that caused me to think more about my own mother, who died when I was very young.

I agree with Smoothy, if the thoughts/memories are causing problems in your life talking to a grief counselor, clergy, or someone you trust maybe something to consider.

pathfinder005 · Apr 29, 2010, 12:03 PM

I don't think anything special has happened to bring this on. She has been deceased for 13 years now. From what I can remember I just started thinking about her one day and now it seems to be a daily thing. I just get like flashes of her and I think about her both living and at her funeral and her grave site sometimes. It has not gotten to the point were it effects my professional or personal life but it just don't seem natural to me? What do you think?

Originally Posted by Cat1864

It may not be about her memory as much as it is about something happening in your life right now. Did something happen that has caused you to think more about her?

From my own experience, having my first child, the birth of my daughter (second child), reaching the age she was when she died, and a couple of others were events that caused me to think more about my own mother, who died when I was very young.

I agree with Smoothy, if the thoughts/memories are causing problems in your life talking to a grief counselor, clergy, or someone you trust maybe something to consider.

smoothy · Apr 29, 2010, 12:12 PM

How much and how long means everything. Me personally... it is only of them living... almost never at the funeral... and very rarely their gravesite. They are not that frequent... or that long. And they aren't to the point they depress me at all. Sort of often enough to keep the memory of them alive... but not dwell over the fact they are gone.

pathfinder005 · Apr 29, 2010, 12:36 PM

They don't depress me either. Somedays are more then others. However, they seem to happen when my mind is not occupied if that makes sense at all. When I am busy or engaged doing something I don't think about her. They are not depressing at all I just get frustrated sometimes because I don't want to think about it so much. Maybe if I don't fight it it will go away or at least to the point as it is with your loved one. I don't ever want to forget, just to reflect when I want too. Funny thing is it makes me feel better just discussing this with people I don't even know. Am I crazy??

Originally Posted by smoothy

How much and how long means everything. Me personally...it is only of them living....almost never at the funeral...and very rarely their gravesite. They are not that frequent...or that long. And they aren't to the point they depress me at all. Sort of often enough to keep the memory of them alive....but not dwell over the fact they are gone.

smoothy · Apr 29, 2010, 12:59 PM

I don't know that you ever really would even want to completely forget if you were able. Maybe all it is, really is just reading more into it than there really is.
Like you mentioned.. its only during periods you aren't doing anything, not when you are busy... they aren't consuming your thoughts or depressing you.

Any of those I would see as being a problem.

pathfinder005 · Apr 30, 2010, 03:48 AM

I guess your right. Like when I spend time alone driving to work early in the morning or shaving before work. Basically, when I am not in engaged in something productive. I have noticed that my mind is always thinking about something. What I mean is I can never just clear my mind of everything. For example, if some asked me to simply clear your mind of all thoughts, I don't know that I could do that. Recently, I have felt a feeling of anxiety at times like my heart is racing somewhat. I think maybe from these thoughts of my deceased parent. What do you think?QUOTE=;][/QUOTE]

Cat1864 · Apr 30, 2010, 05:11 AM

Originally Posted by pathfinder005

IRecently, I have felt a feeling of anxiety at times like my heart is racing somewhat.

I wonder if your mind is bringing up thoughts of your mother to hide what is really causing you to feel anxiety.

How has your health been lately? Could your mind be using your mother as a substitute for your fears about yourself or someone close to you?

smoothy · Apr 30, 2010, 05:22 AM

Originally Posted by pathfinder005

I guess your right. Like when I spend time alone driving to work early in the morning or shaving before work. Basically, when I am not in engaged in something productive. I have noticed that my mind is always thinking about something. What I mean is I can never just clear my mind of everything. For example, if some asked me to simply clear your mind of all thoughts, I don't know that I could do that. Recently, I have felt a feeling of anxiety at times like my heart is racing somewhat. I think maybe from these thoughts of my deceased parent. What do you think?QUOTE=;]

Well, see now THIS is something altogether different. What other stressors do you have in your life... worried about your job, money... etc.

As was mentioned... its possible this is being triggered by other factors. If you are having frequent anxiety attacks... THAT I would recommend talking to someone about. THere are prescription medications that can ease those for a time. True they can have some undesirable side effects. Everyone will feel a bit of panic under certain situations... but you should NOT be feelings these frequently... and most certainly without knowing exactly why.

pathfinder005 · Apr 30, 2010, 06:12 AM

I am not sure. My health has been OK, except I have been dealing with a case of Kidney Stones. My wife was diagnosed with MS about a year ago. The weird thing is my relationship with my Mother was great and I have been at peace with that until recently.

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I wonder if your mind is bringing up thoughts of your mother to hide what is really causing you to feel anxiety.

How has your health been lately? Could your mind be using your mother as a substitute for your fears about yourself or someone close to you?