[Kitkat22]

Hope you find a way to overcome this. Good Luck

[Samemmack]

You guys really think I am paranoid? Given everything I've said you wouldn't maybe think that the rumors could me true. I haven't attacked him about it.
I had no clue about the disagree feature. Sorry.
I am 28 and he is 22.
How do you work on trust issues when EVERY man in my life has been a cheater... my dad, my ex, all my friends, my friends men. Give me some insight please.

[albear]

Leap of faith, your either willing to trust him or your not

[Homegirl 50]

You guys really think I am paranoid? Given everything I've said you wouldn't maybe think that the rumors could me true. I haven't attacked him about it.
I had no clue about the disagree feature. Sorry.
I am 28 and he is 22.
How do you work on trust issues when EVERY man in my life has been a cheater....my dad, my ex, all my friends, my friends men. Give me some insight please.

Well that's your problem right there!
He is not your father your ex or your friend's man. He is a different man. You have trust issues that you need some help working through, or this man is going to walk as will every other man you have a relationship with.
It's like you keep them for a while and then you wait for signs of cheating and if they are not there, you go and look for them.

The trouble may very well be you. Think on it.

[Kitkat22]

It's terribly difficult to trust when you been hurt repeatedly. But realize this.. there are some wonderful men out there. Trusting is very hard to do when you have been hurt. You have to let go of it because you are putting all men in the category of the ones who hurt you.

I'm not judging but there are a lot of good men out there who are good honest men. Don't let something in your past dictate your future. You sound like a nice lady so wait and give that guy the benefit of the doubt. Hope everything works out for you. Blessings to you.

[hungtoronto]

How do you work on trust issues when EVERY man in my life has been a cheater....my dad, my ex, all my friends, my friends men. Give me some insight please.

Don't date cheater or Bi. Go with someone who didn't cheat or straight.

[Samemmack]

Don't date cheater or Bi. Go with someone who didn't cheat or straight.

He says he's not bi.

[hheath541]

Don't date cheater or Bi. Go with someone who didn't cheat or straight.

What's wrong with dating someone who's bi? Should they just never be in a relationship?

[Cat1864]

You guys really think I am paranoid? Given everything I've said you wouldn't maybe think that the rumors could me true. I havent attacked him about it.
I had no clue about the disagree feature. Sorry.
I am 28 and he is 22.
How do you work on trust issues when EVERY man in my life has been a cheater....my dad, my ex, all my friends, my friends men. Give me some insight please.

I grew up thinking everybody-male and female-cheated. I trusted very few people until I met someone who I fell in love with and learned to trust by accepting that his past wasn't his future. I learned to trust my judgment in who I wanted to be with. I learned to communicate with him about how I felt and my concerns. I learned to listen and trust him when he said, 'I love you'. It took time and changing MY way of looking at the world.

Understand that YOU have to be able to trust your own feelings, your own judgment, and him. If you can't find that trust inside yourself, then you will always find a way to mistrust your partner no matter who he is or how straight he is.

[hungtoronto]

He says he's not bi.

It's human nature not to trust someone if he did something wrong in the past. For instance, would you give someone a job if he was stealing in the past. Probably not.

If you have that problem then date someone with a clean record.

[hungtoronto]

what's wrong with dating someone who's bi? should they just never be in a relationship?

Nothing is wrong with that. I am just saying this in her case. If she has trust issue with cheater, bi, gay then she should just go for someone with a clean record, it eliminates some variables.

[JoeCanada76]

It is fact that paranoia and trust issues by you the original poster, could potentially push your husband away. Fact.

So you need to work on YOUR trust issues and your paranoia before he does decide enough is enough and walks out.

Worst thing in a relationship is to accuse your partner and being untrusting when in fact he has not done anything to lose your trust in the first place.

He spends all his extra time with you and the family. That speaks volumes.

[Cat1864]

Nothing is wrong with that. I am just saying this in her case. If she has trust issue with cheater, bi, gay then she should just go for someone with a clean record, it eliminates some variables.

Did you read what I wrote? It doesn't matter what his record is if she can't find it in herself to trust her own judgment.

[QLP]

Here's a suggestion to try:

Consider this. Do you think, based on any real serious evidence, that your partner cheated on you yesterday?
Don't consider the day before that, last week, last year, or the past, just that one day.
Now hopefully you can answer no to to that.
Well, yesterday you didn't trust him and were proved wrong.

Ok, can you try and trust him today. Not tomorrow, next week or next year, just today.
If you can, they try and build on it a day at a time.
If you can't then ask yourself at the end of the day if your lack of trust was justified. Do you have any real evidence he cheated today?

Try working on it a day at a time for a while, forgetting the past and not listening to any fears you might have for the future. Just see if you can learn to trust him in the present first.

Hope this helps as a starting point.

[Samemmack]

Great advice!
QLP- day by day he's good- calls or texts regularly while at work. Comes home straight from work. Good advice I just deal with what he presents me day by day:)

[Cat1864]

Great advice!
QLP- day by day he's good- calls or texts regularly while at work. Comes home straight from work. Good advice I just deal with what he presents me day by day:)

One word of caution, don't make him solely responsible for you trusting him. If he begins to feel that he has to keep 'proving' himself faithful, he could get tired of it. Think about how you would feel if you felt like you had to make him trust you. Dealing with another person's insecurities can be draining and make a relationship even harder to work on because there is no energy left.

If for some reason he doesn't text or call, don't take that as 'evidence' against him. Remind yourself that things happen and you don't have to have constant reassurance from him to be secure in the knowledge that he will be there for you.

Do you have friends that you ever have an evening out with? It might help you build trust in the relationship if you aren't completely dependent on him for your emotional support.

[Samemmack]

Do you have friends that you ever have an evening out with? It might help you build trust in the relationship if you aren't completely dependent on him for your emotional support.

We both work a lot. And HE gets mad if we don't spend all our off time together. We do live together but I work from 7am- 6pm and He works from 11am-8pm. So nights are very lazy so he expects weekends for us to bond and be together. I mean I go to my friend's rarely and he gets upset when I do saying that I took away from "important us time". He is very needy. He never hangs out with friends although I encourage it because then I could go to my stuff without guilt. On Saturdays he has to work from 12-7pm and gets so upset if I do anything with our son without him in the morning. His lack of trust fuels my lack of trust. I always felt so connected to him because we are soooooo alike. My only problem that I have had with him is the gay rumors.

[QLP]

So you both have trust problems and neither of you get to spend any time with other people.

I'm worried that this relationship is in danger of becoming one of co-dependency, if it isn't already to a degree.

Have you considered some counselling,to try and really get this nailed?

[Samemmack]

What are signs of a codependent relationship?

[CravenMorhead]

You guys really think I am paranoid? Given everything I've said you wouldn't maybe think that the rumors could me true. I havent attacked him about it.

Good on you for not attacking him. Yes you're paranoid. It is impossible to say whether the rumours are true but that is the nature of rumours. Given the information that you've given, I don't believe that the rumours are true. Take that for what it is worth.

I am 28 and he is 22.
How do you work on trust issues when EVERY man in my life has been a cheater....my dad, my ex, all my friends, my friends men. Give me some insight please.

You're growing pessimistic and cynical. It doesn't follow that he is a cheater because all men previously have been. Your getting causation confused with coincidence.

The important thing to realize is that these are YOUR issues, not his. Don't project this on him. It'll doom the relationship.

As for the trust issue, if is for yourself to figure out. Talking to a therapist might help a lot. Talking to your friends and finding the men that haven't cheated might work as well.

Just for the record. I am a man and I have never cheated in my life. None of my close family nor close friends have cheated that I know of. I have known people who cheated or have been cheated on. The point is that most men, no sweeping generalization here, don't cheat.