[Synnen]

Like I said in my other post, the bottom line is this: Do you trust him and believe what he says?

If yes, then work on communication in your relationship.

If no, you need to either go to counseling TOGETHER, or you might as well give up.

NO relationship survives a lack of trust.

[Homegirl 50]

Well I hope this guy is lying, but you knew this stuff about him before. Didn't it bother you that he used gay men? And you were all into the mixing it up before yoyrself.
He could be, but he has chosen you.

I hope he is straight and that his pathetic attitude towards gays have changed.

[Samemmack]

Well I hope this guy is lying, but you knew this stuff about him before. Didn't it bother you that he used gay men? And you were all into the mixing it up before yoyrself.
He could be, but he has chosen you.

I hope he is straight and that his pathetic attitude towards gays have changed.

You know, if he would be honest with me and include me in it- I would love to see him hook up with a guy. But he's SO weird about everything. I tell him, If you are bi that's cool- that turns me on. He says that's gross he would never be with a guy. But his past tells a different tale.
It was weird that he hid from me that his 2 friends were gay. Bc that is something we used to talk openly about. He has changed. Me not so much. He talked about them, just left that part out. Which makes me think he's hiding something.
I trust him on EVERY topic except this one.

On using the gay guys... I thought it was weird but I tried not to judge him.

Thanks for all the advice.

[Cat1864]

You know, if he would be honest with me and include me in it- I would love to see him hook up with a guy. But he's SO wierd about everything. I tell him, If you are bi that's cool- that turns me on. He says that's gross he would never be with a guy. But his past tells a different tale.

I am beginning to wonder if you are disappointed that he doesn't have a sexual interest in men. Were you, maybe, beginning to think you might get a fantasy fulfilled?

You say that he has changed. It sounds like he has matured. His current attitude may be a way to distance himself from a past that he doesn't find acceptable anymore.

If you love him and want to be with only him, you have to decide if you can accept that he has a past that apparently he doesn't want to be his present or his future. Do you accept him as he is now?

[QLP]

Now I'm wondering if maybe something might have happened in the past, like a bit of experimentation, which he came to regret - hence the subsequent homophobia. If you are so keen to see him hook up with another guy for your pleasure maybe he is denying the past to make you back off.

I confess I got a bit confused reading your thread. Between the fear of him cheating, the lack of trust, the worrying that he is attracted to men whether he acts on it or not, then the fact that you are aroused by the idea of it. So are you now saying it's OK for him to sleep with other men as long as you are included somehow? Is it possible that he doesn't know what you really want and is closing down on honest communication because of this?

Anyway whatever is going on in his head I agree with Synnen, it all comes down to working on the trust and communication between you.

[Homegirl 50]

I had to spread some rep but QLP I agree with you. I wondering the same thing.

Do you want him to be bi and share with you or do you want him to be straight and be faithful to you?
If he is with you and faithful, be happy.

[Samemmack]

Secrets and hiding is cheating and might be gay which means he doesn't want to let me in that part of his life. Including me means he loves me but might be into guys too which is not a problem for me. Hooking up (only)with me included= OK. Cheating on me and developing a relationship is what I am afraid of. I hate to be in the dark.
I don't want to be with anyone else.
I am selfish I know- I want him to like guys just for sex to be open with me about it. I don't want him sneaking behind my back developing a relationship with a man. Do I make any sense?

[hungtoronto]

I am torn up because if he's cheating on me I cannot be with him. But what if it's not true? Then I have the lingering freaking question in my head. What if he's just with me bc of our lifestyle is what his parents want? What if he's having homosexual relationships behind my back can he really love me? Or just the normalcy that the hetero relationship provides him.

You know, if he would be honest with me and include me in it- I would love to see him hook up with a guy.

Let me get this straight. It's OK if he screw some guy but can't have a relationship with them without your knowledge.

I wouldn't share my woman with anyone. You're having a risk of him running off with some dude if you allow him.

How come you're so nice to him? What is in it for you? Do you guy have an open relationship?

[Cat1864]

I dont want to be with anyone else.

From what you have said about his present, he feels the same way.

Can you live with that?

[Samemmack]

He is the best boyfriend. This one issue drives me nuts. We do not have an open relationship. Im talking about a one time thing. I am going to be happy if he just wants to be with me. I just got scared because someone said he had something going on at work and he didn't tell me about it. I can live with anything as long as you tell me. I cannot stand liars.

[JoeCanada76]

Whether he has did anything or not.

The very truth is that he chose to be with you, that simple. He is at home with you. With you as his wife and child.

Good husband and Good Father. What else can you ask for.

It sounds like a lot of things that happened or could have happened are from the PAST.

You said he spends all his extra time with the family. So I say even with everything you said, never mind the rumors.

It is possible that it is happening but as others said you will never know for sure unless you catch him in the act.

??

[Kitkat22]

Believe in him. Don't accuse him. If you ask him and he told you he wasn't don't make it a major deal. Trust!

[Samemmack]

Thanks! I obviously have trust issues. My mom says I was looking for problems. I am a little nuts because as I said he does spend all of his free time with me. Again, thanks for all the advice.

[JoeCanada76]

Your trust issues and you getting a little nuts could create more problems then anything else.

[smoothy]

Your trust issues and you getting a little nuts could create more problems then anything else.

Exactly... As a guy speaking... this would be a VERY good reason for me to walk away from any woman. In fact I have several times in the past.

[Cat1864]

Samemmack, please review the rules for using agree/disagree feature: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html

Disagrees should be used for incorrect facts NOT opinions.

[Kitkat22]

You need to stop being so impulsive. Believe me when I say I'm the worlds worst for acting before thinking. I always end up jumping to the wrong conclusion.

I don't believe your boyfriend is gay. I think you have that idea in your head and now you can't shake it.
Give the guy a break unless he proves otherwise! Please do as Cat said, read about the disagree/agree features. We try to give advice that is sound and our opinions may not be what you want to hear, but that's why we're here. I hope everything goes well and you find the answers you seek. Blessings

[smoothy]

Yes.. I'll third that about reading the rules for Giving Reddies... there was NOTHING factually inaccurate about what I said in post #35 at all.

I'm 48, a man, I've dumped women from more different countries over their paranoia than guys you have ever had an interest in before I was 27. Its clear you are very young.

And speaking as a guy... thats one of the most quick way to turn a guy against you. Only losers will put up with that sort of abuse for very long. Because there are plenty of women who would not do that.

A mature guy will not do that to a woman he really loves... and a woman who really loves a guy would not do it either. They MIGHT do it with someone they are just in lust over however, because they are a convenient booty call.

You want to hear advice from a guy... thats my advice to you.

Because mark my words... odds are one day YOU will be on the receiving end from a paranoid guy... then you will understand what I am saying.

If you do not trust someone for any reason at all, real or imagined... then they clearly are NOT " THE ONE ".

[Kitkat22]

Yes..I'll third that about reading the rules for Giving Reddies...there was NOTHING factually inaccurate about what I said in post #35 at all.

I'm 48, a man, I've dumped women from more different countries over their paranoia than guys you have ever had an interest in before I was 27. Its clear you are very young.

And speaking as a guy...thats one of the quickest way to turn a guy against you. Only losers will put up with that sort of abuse for very long. Because there are plenty of women who would not do that.

A mature guy will not do that to a woman he really loves...and a woman who really loves a guy would not do it either. They MIGHT do it with someone they are just in lust over however, because they are a convienient booty call.

You want to hear advice from a guy....thats my advice to you.

Because mark my words....odds are one day YOU will be on the recieving end from a paranoid guy...then you will understand what I am saying.

I do agree with Smoothy..

[JoeCanada76]

It is fact that paranoia and trust issues by you the original poster, could potentially push your husband away. Fact.

So you need to work on YOUR trust issues and your paranoia before he does decide enough is enough and walks out.

Worst thing in a relationship is to accuse your partner and being untrusting when in fact he has not done anything to lose your trust in the first place.

He spends all his extra time with you and the family. That speaks volumes.